Quotes Of The Week: Best Zingers From New Girl, Good Wife, Thrones, Vampire Diaries And More
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New Girl
"Boob season's over for you!"
Jess (Zooey Deschanel) making sure Nick understands the terms of their breakup
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Scandal
"You be Jesus. You go in there, and you be Jesus."
Leo Bergen (Paul Adelstein) encouraging Sally Langston to "help" the explosion victims
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Inside Amy Schumer
"I love American Apparel, I really do. I like the models and the marketing. I like that every shot of them, it looks like a shot of the last time they were ever seen. Just, 'Helllp!' It looks like they're waiting for Liam Neeson in the bottom of a closet. It's like hostage lighting. What is the idea? Like, 'Oh, if I buy these leggings will they also find my body in a swamp?"
Amy Schumer, doing a standup comedy bit about her fashion preferences
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Supernatural
"Look, I dropped. I hid. I finally watched Downton Abbey."
Gabriel (Richard Speight Jr.) describing what happened to him after all the angels fell from heaven
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Supernatural (Bonus Quote!)
"I lied before. I never watched Downton Abbey. I was just trying to fit in."
Gabriel (Richard Speight Jr.) making a confession before a big battle
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The Good Wife [contains spoilers]
"When I cheated, it didn't mean anything."
"Well, then that was a waste. Because when I cheated, it did!"
Peter (Chris Noth) and Alicia (Julianna Margulies), engaging in a scathing marital battle over her mental state following the death of her former lover Will (Josh Charles)
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Grey's Anatomy
"Murphy, doctors don't cry in hallways. We have stairwells for that."
Derek (Patrick Dempsey), upon catching Leah getting misty-eyed after a screw-up
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Reign
"You've had your fun with the girl, but it has to stop. Now."
"I will not be so demeaned by a woman!"
"Yes ... I can see that."
Catherine (Megan Follows) telling a bound Henry (Alan Van Sprang) to give up his "queen" Penelope
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Mom
"What are you doing?"
"I'm making a video for you to watch the next time you think about having unprotected sex."
Christy (Anna Faris), whipping out her camera phone to capture daughter Violet (Sadie Calvano) as she begins to experience (and gripe about) the pain of childbirth
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Mom (Bonus Quote!)
"She's just a few months sober and still pretty raw, y'know, emotionally."
"I get it."
"Very fragile."
"Right."
"5' 11" in flats and crazy as a bag of rats."
"That's the girl I fell in love with."
Christy (Anna Faris), warning her father Alvin (Kevin Pollak) to exercise caution in renewing his romance with her mom/his ex Bonnie (Allison Janney)
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Game of Thrones
"War is war, but killing a man at a wedding? Horrid. What sort of monster would do such a thing? As if men need more reasons to fear marriage."
Olenna Tyrell (Diana Rigg), recalling last season's Red Wedding massacre, coincidentally, on the eve of Sunday's killer Purple Wedding
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Revenge
"I would love to stay and chat, but I have less boring people to talk to."
Victoria (Madeleine Stowe), giving Emily her favorite shoulder — the cold one
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Parenthood
"You know, when you're not such a pain in the ass, you're a pretty sweet guy."
Camille's (Bonnie Bedelia) response to Zeek's gift for Drew
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The Mindy Project
"So you went on a coffee date with a loser? All coffee dates are with losers."
Peter (Adam Pally) just telling it like it is
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The Vampire Diaries
"What? Everybody loves a biter."
"Oh yeah? I'll bite you..."
"Good. I'll bite you right back."
Stefan (Paul Wesley) and Elena (Nina Dobrev) discussing their (human) children's behavior during a vision of themselves (also humans) in an alternate, vampire-less reality
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Conan
"A new study found that exposure to Barbie dolls limits a girl's imagination. The study also found that exposure to Ken dolls causes boys to think their penis will eventually fall off."
Conan O'Brien, serving up some real talk about the classic Mattel figure's famously vacant nether-regions
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Glee
"This isn't OK! Artie needs to be slut-shamed. I'm slut-shaming you, Artie! ... SLUT! SLUT SHAME!"
Sam (Chord Overstreet) upon learning that Artie has chlamydia
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Awkward
"Hey, Hamiltoe! Heard you were caught pearl-fishing in your red lobster this morning. How embarrassing! Must make you want to kill yourself. Better luck this time!"
Sadie (Molly Tarlov) giving Jenna her first dose of senior-year sass
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Family Guy
"Wow, Chicago. The San Francisco treat."
Peter (Seth MacFarlane) reminding us all just how simple he really is
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Once Upon a Time
"Are you kidding me right now? What language is this, Spanish?"
"We're not making tapas; we're making magic."
An extremely patient Regina (Lana Parrilla), when a book of Elvish spells looks Greek to Emma