Quotes Of The Week For April 5, 2020
We've rounded up the best TV quotes from April 5 through April 11, 2020. Scroll through our gallery of zingers, bon mots and one-liners below, then tell us if we missed any of your favorite lines from this week's television!
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THE WALKING DEAD
"If I wanted to attack, I'd hold the gun like this, with the dangerous part pointed at you. See? That's for attacking. The other way? That's for hello!"
Princess (Paola Lázaro) means no harm — obviously!
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THE WALKING DEAD (Bonus Quote!)
"I'm Juanita Sanchez, but I never liked the name Juanita. You can call me Princess."
"Why Princess?"
"Because Queen makes me sound old... and pretentious."
Princess (Paola Lázaro) explains her handle to Eugene (Josh McDermitt), Yumiko and, ahem, King Ezekiel
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SCHITT'S CREEK
"Was it good, at least?"
"Do not answer that! Was it? Don't!"
Stevie (Emily Hampshire) and Patrick (Noah Reid) have different levels of curiosity about the "happy ending" that his fiancé David unexpectedly received from a masseur
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SCHITT'S CREEK (Bonus Quote!)
"You're wearing a wedding dress to my wedding!"
"This is not a wedding dress, it's a white, floor-length gown. It's very different!"
"Did it come with a veil?"
"No, it came with a headdress."
"A... what?"
"It came with, like, a white tulle headdress, but I thought that it overwhelmed the dress so I decided not to wear it."
"You're walking me down the aisle in a wedding dress. Everyone's going to think we're getting married to each other!"
David (Daniel Levy) really should've demanded approval of sister Alexis' (Annie Murphy) attire
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ONE DAY AT A TIME
"Rachel Maddow! What I would do to get into her blazers... Sometimes I just picture her naked, beating the crap out of Mitch McConnell."
Support group attendee Ramona (Judy Reyes) reveals her celebrity crush — and her ultimate fantasy
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ONE DAY AT A TIME (Bonus Quote!)
"Sex is between people who are married. It is Adam and Eve, not 'Buzzzzzzz' and Eve!"
Lydia (Rita Moreno) stands firmly against masturbation
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THE RESIDENT
"You don't need a mask, Zorro. It's Candida auris, not coronavirus."
With an eerie nod to our real-life pandemic, Devon (Manish Dayal) informs Nolan that the hospital's current crisis isn't airborne
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GOOD GIRLS
"Harry tried to write a poem about famous marriages. It started with Bert and Ernie, and then he went back to sleep."
Sara (Lidya Jewett) updates her parents on the well-intentioned anniversary gift her brother was planning on making them
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STATION 19
"You cannot just emerge from a wall of steam like some kind of sexy ghost!"
If ex-boyfriend Jackson is not just going to hang around, but shower at the firehouse, Vic (Barrett Doss) is gonna lay down some ground rules
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STATION 19 (Bonus Quote!)
"No more smilking."
"That's not a word."
"There it is. It's when you sorta half-smile and you half-smirk like you know something that I don't know, and you really, really want me to know that you know it. There it is."
"That's kinda just a thing my face does, though."
"Well, control your face and make it stop."
Yes, Jackson (Jesse Williams), Vic has some ground rules for your face, too
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GREY'S ANATOMY
"Women are smart. We are evolved. We are critical-thinking. How did the first woman ever have a baby and then decide to have another one — or let another woman have one? How do humans exist?!"
Even in labor, Amelia (Caterina Scorsone) is funny
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SURVIVOR
"I'm giving it up, but I'd rather see him happy than me miserable because I ate too much, so... I hope you feel miserable."
Sarah jokes with Nick after giving him her Chinese takeout reward for his birthday
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THE GOOD FIGHT
"Diane, are you microdosing again?"
"No. [Beat] Maybe. [Beat] I don't know."
Marissa (Sarah Steele) worries about Diane (Christine Baranski) — who is knee-deep in an alternate reality — when she expresses uncertainty about who is the current president of the United States
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THE GOOD FIGHT (Bonus Quote!)
"Where were the Obamas during all this?"
"They had an overall deal at Netflix."
Liz (Audra McDonald) grills an alternate reality-stricken Diane (Christine Baranski) about the elaborate "dream/nightmare" she had in which Donald Trump became president and led to a surge in hate crimes
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THE ROOKIE
"I thought that only happened in Road Runner cartoons?"
Nolan (Nathan Fillion) witnesses his first Santa Ana wind-blown tumbleweed
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ZOEY'S EXTRAORDINARY PLAYLIST
"Is it possible to have feelings for two guys at the same time?"
"Absolutely! I liked two guys once. One was named Byron, the other was named Bryan. It got very complicated."
Mo (Alex Newell) knows firsthand that Zoey's struggle is real
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TOMMY
"Look at me, Steven! You're going to prison — for the real people, the real lives that you ruined. For the man that you had killed. Let me put this in terms you'll understand: Between Krystal and me, two times now you got beat by a girl."
Tommy (Edie Falco) informs an incel joystick jockey that it's "Game Over"
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MODERN FAMILY
"Is that the last of the cereal?"
"Oh, we haven't had cereal in days. This is formula over croutons. They're grrrrrrrross!"
Even Tony the Tiger would balk at Haley's (Sarah Hyland) makeshift breakfast
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MODERN FAMILY (Bonus Quote!)
"Are there lattes? Are there art-house theaters? What if I never see a black-and-white movie, or a black-and-white couple??"
Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) worries he won't fit in in Missouri