Quotes Of The Week From Fargo, Silicon Valley, Beauty And The Beast, Wendy Williams And More!
Devious Maids Evelyn Quote
DEVIOUS MAIDS
"At some point I must have given you the impression I enjoy small talk with the help, and that's not the case. Will you please accept my apology as you leave to scrub my toilet?"
Evelyn (Rebecca Wisocky), shutting down her maid Valentina's attempts to discuss the state of her marriage
Devious Maids Touch Inappropriately Quote
DEVIOUS MAIDS (Bonus Quote!)
"How about I get you drunk and touch you inappropriately?"
Tony (Dominic Adams), making an indecent proposal to his boss Evelyn (Rebecca Wisocky) when he thinks they have the house to themselves
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LAST WEEK TONIGHT WITH JOHN OLIVER
"Seize your moment, my lovely trolls! Turn on caps lock, and fly, my pretties! Fly! Fly! Fly!"
John Oliver, concluding an epic pep talk directed at Internet commenters in an effort to get them participating on the FCC's feedback page
qotw-playing-house
PLAYING HOUSE
"For your homework tonight, I would like you to go home and journal about what dance means to you. ... Also, shave your balls."
Maggie (Lennon Parham) preparing the cops for their charity strip show
game-of-thrones-tyrion-trial-by-combat-quote
GAME OF THRONES
"Trial by combat. Deciding a man's guilt or innocence in the eyes of the gods by having two other men hack each other to pieces. Tells you something about the gods."
Tyrion (Peter Dinklage), philosophizing moments before his fate is decided by a battle of two champions
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GAME OF THRONES (Bonus Quote!)
"Today is not the day I die."
Oberyn Martell (Pedro Pascal), reassuring Ellaria Sand (Indira Varma) and Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage) that he'll defeat The Mountain (and proves that being sexy and smart doesn't always mean you're right)
“Beast Is The New Black”
BEAUTY AND THE BEAST
"For the record, I have not been holding onto organs in case you and Vincent get back together."
Gabe (Sendhil Ramamurthy), waving off even the suggestion that he saved Kurt Windsor's ripped-out heart and then planted it in Vincent's fridge
Mistresses Joss Quote Angelina Jolie
MISTRESSES
"It's kind of like how Angelina used to be the chick who made out with her brother, and now she has like 100 kids and speaks out for breast cancer."
"It's exactly like that."
Joss (Jes Macallan) and Karen (Yunjin Kim), discussing the formerly flighty pal's new role as "den mother" for their group
Mistresses Mickey Quote Golden Girls
MISTRESSES (Bonus Quote!)
"Blanche, Dorothy — zip it. Rose and I have business to attend to."
Mickey (Joseph May), telling Karen and Joss (or is it Joss and Karen) that he and April need to hit the dance floor without any added chatter
Bachelorette Eric Quote Boyz II Men
THE BACHELORETTE
"I can't believe that we're here with Boyz II Men: I'm pretty sure I touched my first butt to 'I'll Make Love to You' in seventh grade."
Eric, expressing his excitement about the famous vocal group serving as mentors for a group date
Wendy Williams Quote Rihanna Dress
THE WENDY WILLIAMS SHOW
"I had no idea that she went out with full crack and areola!"
Wendy Williams, responding to guest Kimberly Elise's point that Rihanna's see-through red-carpet look was a tribute to Josephine Baker
Late Night with Seth Meyers - Season 1
LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS
"On Monday, Apple officially announced its new operating system, iOS 8. Just in time for iOS 7 to finish downloading."
Meyers' monologue takes a byte out of Apple
QOTW-Fargo
FARGO
"I was picking your p—- out of my teeth 12 hours ago, and then I get this?!"
Gina Hess (Kate Walsh), confronting recent hook-up Lester about her late husband's insurance claim being denied
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ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK
"Ever look at yourself and realize how other people see you?"
"You caught the whole used-to-be-a-man thing, right?"
Red (Kate Mulgrew), lamenting how much she's let her appearance go to the prison's sympathetic, transgender hair stylist Sophia (Laverne Cox)
qotw-faking-it-shane
FAKING IT
"I'm gonna be your Olivia Pope. I'll create another scandal to distract people from you while wearing killer outfits."
Shane (Michael J. Willett) offering his services to Liam
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FAKING IT (Bonus Quote!)
"Finally my subscription to Us Weekly is paying off!"
Karma, planning her and Amy's public break up along the lines of celebrity couples who've amicably split
QOTW-Undateable
UNDATEABLE
"There is no way that I'm taking that from a guy who looks like a guy who sells massage chairs at Brookstone."
"Well, you look like one of those street thugs that Spider-Man catches."
"Well, you look like one of those animatronic figures in It's a Small World."
"Well, you look like a guy who watched one episode of Game of Thrones and decided to start doing his hair that way."
Danny (Chris D'Elia) and Justin (Brent Morin), having a back-and-forth about how each other "looks"
live-with-kelly-and-michael-channing-tatum
LIVE WITH KELLY AND MICHAEL
"Sleeping in the buff: Chann-in or Chann-out?"
"Well, it's Chann-in, but I'd technically be Chann-out."
Kelly Ripa getting a cheeky response from Channing Tatum during a game of "Chann-in or Chann-out?"
Continuum Quote
CONTINUUM
"I've heard about things like this.... Is this where we talk about overthrowing the government, fixing the price of oil?"
Alec (Erik Knudsen), being summoned to a meeting with a mysterious cabal of shadowy men
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THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART
"You have no idea what it's like. You grew up as Tom Cruise. I grew up, also in my underwear, in my house, dancing to music alone – nobody gave a f—k."
Host Jon Stewart, telling guest Tom Cruise that there's no way he can empathize with socially awkward, romantically unlucky teenage boys
The 100 Quote Make an Exit
THE 100
"The guy knows how to make an exit."
Jasper (Devon Bostick), reacting to Murphy exploding a can of gun powder to create an escape route through the ship's hull
Quotes_SiliconValley_Gilfoyle_DW
SILICON VALLEY
"Every day feels like I've died and gone to Hell."
Gilfoyle (Martin Starr), a Satanist, expressing his happiness at working at Pied Piper
Veep Maddox Deabte Quote
VEEP
"He looks like he just came out of the bathroom and then decided that he hadn't finished yet."
Sen. Doyle (Phil Reeves), noting the awkward body language of Secretary of Defense Maddox (Isiah Whitlock Jr.) during the first presidential debate
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VEEP (Bonus Quote!)
"If there's any dirty trick that I cannot stand, it is honesty."
Amy (Anna Chlumsky), expressing her fury when a rival to Selina (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) openly admits he had an extramarital affair
orphan-black-felix-tony-quote
ORPHAN BLACK
"Holy Tilda Swinton!"
Felix (Jordan Gavaris) upon discovering transgender clone Tony (Tatiana Maslany)
Penny Dreadful Quote
PENNY DREADFUL
"There are such sins at my back, it would kill me to turn around."
Ethan (Josh Hartnett), reassuring Brona that he isn't fazed in the slightest by her checkered past