Survivor's [Spoiler] Reflects On Her Volatile Reception And Learning To 'Look In The Mirror'
The following contains spoilers from Wednesday's episode of Survivor.
The Reba tribe may have begun to fracture, but after a night full of idol discussion and shifting allegiances, it was the last Lulu Emily who took the fall.
With boosted confidence thanks to his first individual immunity win, Drew pitched a plan to take out fellow Reba ally Julie. However, Mama J was protected by an idol thanks to a gift from Austin, which gave her all of the power when the rest of the tribe failed to split the vote at Tribal Council. Six votes came in with Julie's name on them, but after the idol was played, the one and only shot was fired directly at Emily, who became the fifth member of the Season 45 jury. (Read a full recap here.)
Below, Emily talks to TVLine about putting her foot in her mouth, her biggest moves (and blunders) throughout the game and what she learned about herself throughout the process.
TVLINE | After Episode 1 aired, I saw some not-nice things said about you on the internet, but now you're arguably one of the season's biggest fan favorites! What has the response been like on your end and how are you dealing with all of the attention?
EMILY FLIPPEN | I mean, "dealing with it" is putting it nicely. I don't think I am dealing with it. The whole thing is so weird. To go from that extreme of maybe one of the most hated Survivor players of all time to suddenly people liking me... in my mind, you're seeing different aspects of my personality as the show progresses. And I definitely do think I learned. I grew and changed from that experience, but I'm still fundamentally the same person. So weird, aggressive Emily, which I think is how I describe myself during Episode 1, that Emily still exists. Hopefully you don't see her as much as you do in Episode 1, but it is still an aspect of my personality. It's weird to have so many people applaud your personality for certain qualities and then at the same time hate you for other qualities. That's not trying to defend my actions, but just provide context for what the reaction has been like. It's just been so weird and so jarring.
TVLINE | I mean this next question with all the love in my heart, but what were you thinking when you started throwing daggers at Bruce on the barge?!
It's bold of you to assume that I was thinking! [Laughs] I heard some comments like, "This was calculated! She's trying to make herself a target." Oh no, I could not help myself! It's awful, but for context, Bruce was obviously a talking point on the barge. Jeff had went around and asked a few different people prior to me about how they felt about Bruce being back and everybody was kind of blowing smoke up Bruce's ass. They're like, "Oh it's so wonderful. Look at this guy! Everybody loves Bruce," and everybody does love Bruce.
But then Jeff comes to me and I couldn't help myself. I had to say, "Well, let me play devil's advocate," because that's what I do in my everyday life, and give the counter argument that he could potentially have an advantage coming back as a returning player, even though he was only out there for 12 hours. I didn't think twice of it and when he came back with this response that was so directive, I was like, "Well, this is just proving my point." I couldn't help myself. I just couldn't help myself! Do not do that if you get on Survivor. Keep your mouth shut! That's my biggest lesson.
TVLINE | Speaking of Bruce, you convinced him to not use his idol by telling him that Julie wasn't with him. Were there any other conversations we didn't see or any additional things you said to him that led to his decision?
Good question. Obviously Bruce was the big target, but nobody thought that he would actually not play his idol. And I felt like I needed something to have autonomy in the game. Something on my resume that wasn't part of Reba, that was what Emily was doing. And for whatever reason I decided, "Well, maybe I can vote Bruce out with his idol and that will be my thing." We could talk about whether or not that was a good move — obviously I'm still sitting here, so maybe not — but my thought process was like, "I need to convince him to not play his idol without telling him not to play his idol." At no point in that conversation, did we tell Bruce, "You don't need to play your idol." We let him come to that conclusion on his own. He was trying to make a decision that would further his game past just one Tribal Council, right? So, I totally understand his decision.
But one of the things that didn't make air that provides context to some of the comments I made is that he wanted to wait to flip on Reba until one more vote because he thought that he had Julie. So in order to convince him that he needed to do this move during the vote, I had to tell him that he didn't have Julie, that she was playing him. That was kind of throwing Julie under the bus. And I knew the moment I said Julie's name to Bruce, breaking off that alliance, exposing it, that I was going to be Julie's probably biggest target. I don't know if that's actually true to how she felt, but that's how I felt. I knew it was kind of a risky move that would pit Julie and I against each other.
TVLINE | After Bruce's vote-out, you filled everyone in on everything. Did you not think that maybe the others would recognize the move as a huge resume booster, and that ultimately, it might make you a target?
Classic Emily. Classic Emily! If I can put my foot in my mouth, I'm gonna find a way to do it! Obviously, that part of that conversation was me trying to explain to Julie why Bruce wrote her name down because she thought that she had a good relationship with Bruce, that they were working together. So why is he voting for her versus Dee or somebody else? And I was trying to explain that. But at the same time, I want to say that it was ego and I wanted people to know this was my move. I think I was just really insecure. I never really felt like I got the chance to do something, and so I wanted everybody to know "look, I did something." Expectations for me were so low that I was really insecure about my game and I think that came out there. Obviously it was a big blunder on my part, and even worse, it's just incredibly rude to Bruce and other people as well. So I do wish I had behaved differently.
TVLINE | Why do you think Julie ultimately opted to write your name down and not Austin's?
We never really had a relationship, Julie and I, and at that point, I think Julie knew that I was coming for her. I had thrown her under the bus with Bruce. So I do think it makes sense for Julie to come after me. I was actively coming after her. The moment she pulled out her idol at Tribal Council, I knew I was going home. I didn't think that she realistically would have or could have really written anybody else's name down.
TVLINE | You chose to not partake in that Savvy challenge on your journey. Hindsight is always 20-20, but do you still feel you made the right decision there?
I have a lot of regrets, but that's not one of them. You could have left me out there all day with that puzzle. I was never solving it. To this day, I have seen videos of people solving this puzzle... I still don't get how it works. And I knew that people who were much smarter than me, who had more time and more food in their system weren't able to solve it. I was probably never going to be able to solve that. If it was a different puzzle, maybe I would have taken the opportunity, but I did know at that point that I didn't feel confident and I also knew that I needed my vote because I was open for consideration that day. I knew it was Julie or myself. I knew how bad the Kendra vote was when I didn't have my vote. I didn't want to be in that position again. I wanted to have a little bit of power for myself, so I chose not to play.
TVLINE | You said you have some regrets. What are they?
Where do you even begin? We can start with Day 1. We can start with not splitting the vote at the last Tribal Council. But I do think my biggest regret and where my game really was derailed was after the tribe swap. I think I let Kaleb be too easy of a target. When I went to the new Belo tribe, I really downplayed our relationship. I made it seem like I was a free agent. I didn't want to be an easy vote. I wanted to be the swing and I figured if they thought that I was unaligned, it'd be easier for me to be a swing vote. In reality, all that did was isolate Kaleb though. So when the merge happened, nobody was willing to go to bat [for him]. By the time I realized his name was out there, it was kind of like the momentum was there. It was too late. So inadvertently, I think my behavior contributed to my No. 1 ally in the game being voted off. From that point forward, I was really playing under the thumb of other people.
TVLINE | Considering the big changes we've seen in your edit on screen, what did you take away, if anything, from the game of Survivor?
I think a fair amount. I won't say I'm a different person. I think your personality, it generally is what it is. But I do think I have a level of horrible self-awareness now that I never really wanted, but when you watch yourself on TV, especially after that first episode, you have two choices, right? You can bury your head in the sand or you can look in the mirror, and I think I have taken an opportunity to look in the mirror. The way I communicate with people especially is not always the kindest. So that has been a learning opportunity.
Also, I spent a lot of time talking with the other contestants, and all the things that I thought were important in my life like my career, my school, my adventures traveling, whatever it was. I never really talked about that. I spent all of my time talking about [my boyfriend] Eric, the house that we bought, all of these things that were actually important. So it provided a level of perspective for what matters in life in a way that I really never expected. And it feels silly to say it because 26 days, it's not like it's a crazy amount of time, but I do feel somewhat changed by the experience.
TVLINE | You made it so close to the end. Who would've been your ideal Final 3?
This is a hard question! My perception at the time was that the jury was not happy with me. Now I realize that was inaccurate, but I remember thinking that they didn't have a lot of respect for me. So my thought process was I was comfortable going to the end with people like Drew and Austin who played similar games [to each other] in my mind: part of the majority alliance or making strategic decisions, always kind of had stuff go their way. My planned argument was to come in and be like, "I had to fight from the bottom. I didn't come into the merge with numbers. I didn't have the power to make all these decisions, but I did my best to express control where I could." I think I was comfortable with those two. Realistically, was that my best final three? I'm not sure. I'll never know, but I remember thinking I was comfortable with them.
TVLINE | What's something that impacted your game that we didn't get to see on TV?
Good question! I think my relationship with Kendra was a big contributing force for what I perceived to be my alliances. Obviously, her visit to Lulu camp was cut out. I remember thinking in the back of my mind that I knew I was supposed to go home. Like, did she vote for me? She kept telling me that she voted for Brandon, but did she write down my name? But when we were at the Belo tribe, we actually got really close and even after the Brando vote, which obviously was hurtful for her, we still had a really great functioning relationship. I actually thought the four of us — Drew, Austin, Kendra and myself — were potentially a powerful pairing, which is why I was so upset. I lost my vote and then Kendra was sent home. That was a sad moment for me. I wish I told her to play her Shot in the Dark.
TVLINE | You seem like someone Jeff would invite back out for Round 2. If that call comes, what's your answer?
I think the problem is that you're never gonna see Episode 1 Emily again because now I'm too self-aware. The Emily that you saw only existed because I was living in a sphere of ignorance about the reality of Survivor and the people that watch it and the internet and all of this stuff. I'm flattered if anybody wants me back, but realistically, I think I'm happy with the experience that I had and I'm ready to move forward with my life, my boyfriend (potentially my husband one day) and my house. That is the direction I want to go. So I don't know if I'm overly eager to go back to Survivor right now, but I am so thankful that I had the opportunity.
TVLINE | Any finals words about your experience out there?
Even with all of the fun drama that we see on TV, this experience was made for me by the fact that I got to play with 17 of the best people in the world. They gave me so much grace and understanding, every single person, even people that I was incredibly rude to have been kind to me after this. This experience was made for me by that. And I never expected I'd say this going into Survivor, but I genuinely have 17 new best friends now.
TVLINE | Even Sabiyah?
Oh, especially Sabiyah! Sabiyah is a saint. She is the only girl who gets blindsided, voted out and still roots for the tribe that just blindsided her. To the very, very bitter end, she was Lulu strong. She's just an incredibly, incredibly kind person. I can't say enough positive things about her. That's who needs to come back! I'm done, but ask Sabiyah back!