Quotes Of The Week: Animal Kingdom, Ted Lasso, Dave, White Lotus And More

From reality TV buffoonery to snobby teens and Minka Kelly shade, our latest Quotes of the Week column once again covers the gamut!

In the list below, we've compiled the week's best TV sound bites, including moments both scripted and unscripted from broadcast, cable and streaming series.

This time around, we've got lines from a delusional Big Brother houseguest, titillating talk from Schmigadoon!'s dashing Doc, and yet another adorable quip from Dave's slightly out of touch mom.

Also featured in this week's roundup: a double dose of commentary from Part 1 of The Haves and the Have Nots reunion (view recent Performer of the Week), Animal Kingdom's latest heist (read recap) and a few feisty words from Ted Lasso's team owner (read post mortem), plus quotable moments from The Celebrity Dating Game, David Makes Man, Love Island, Black Monday and more shows.

Scroll through the list below to see all of our picks for the week, then hit the comments and tell us if we missed any of your faves! 

"Are you actually reading any of these books?"

"No, they're just props."

"We have a stylist pick our outfits and then we have a book stylist pick out our books."

Shane (Jake Lacy) questions whether millennial BFFs Olivia (Sydney Sweeney) and Paula (Brittany O'Grady) are the voracious readers they appear to be

"When Mama told me you got shot, I still wasn't ready."

"I'm here though. It's my life, Day. And you holding my life up as an 'all clear' for you and your corporate friends, that ain't a part of my hopes."

Adult JG (Arlen Escarpeta) sets a manipulative David straight after his criminal reform speech angers his older brother's pro-police boss

"I can't wait to see Xavier's face when Britini gets evicted... especially because he thinks everyone's gonna be voting with him. Once he finds out they're not, make sure you zoom in on his face because this should be one of the biggest blindsides. He thinks he's the puppeteer, but he's actually the puppet. The puppeteer's right here!"

Needless to say, BB evictee Brent was in for a huuuge surprise come Thursday night's live show

"We're stealing cash from a cartel. I just don't want to end up headless hanging from a bridge somewhere."

"They don't do that s–t up here, man. You know what a cartel actually is? It's just baggage handlers and middle managers, man, like at Best Buy."

Worrywart Deran (Jake Weary) inspires Craig (Ben Robson) to give an impromptu TED talk

"What's this?"

"Oh, I tried to give your biscuits to Dr. Sharon."

"You did what?"

"Evidently, she doesn't 'eat sugar.'"

"What a f–king a–hole."

Rebecca (Hannah Waddingham) makes her feelings about those who stray from sweets abundantly clear

"There are bigger things going on in the world, like reposts from Sonya Renee Taylor, instead of sending me birthday memes. I don't even know Angelica84, or whatever a 'Minka Kelly' is."

We'll give Zoya (Whitney Peak) a pass because it's her birthday, but the ignorance of youth is really no excuse for not knowing who Minka Kelly is

"So, so far, Michael and Zooey, the bachelorettes think I'm dead."

Mystery guest David Koechner is guessed to be either David Brenner, Sean Connery, or The Artist Formerly Known as Prince!

"Is this a punk? Am I a punk?"

Dave's mom Carol (Gina Hecht) worries that Ashton Kutcher is behind her son's latest stunt

"Oh, I guess I shouldn't be smiling about that."

Crystal R. Fox, catching herself upon being reminded how thoroughly Hanna killed the villainous Jim Cryer in the series' last-ever scene

"You walked down a staircase in Season 1 half naked, and I'm going... [Speechless] 'Oh! I'm the mother — I'm sorry!'"

Renee Lawless, vividly recalling the difficulty of working opposite clothing-averse TV son Aaron O'Connell

"Now I've realized that you were right, and I was wrong. About everything."

"That's the sexiest thing any man has ever said to me."

The dashing Doc Lopez (Jaime Camil) knows what a woman like Melissa (Cecily Strong) wants to hear

"Yo, man. That was real dark-skinned of you back there, man."

Marvin (London Brown) laughingly acknowledges a lighter-skinned Symphony (Toby Sandeman) for not backing down after Marvin confronted him for dating his younger sister Raq 

"Love Island on Broadway — coming to theaters soon!"

...and after hearing Shannon and Cashay spontaneously duet about the Casa Amor recouplings, we'd be first in line for tickets!

"What's that drinking game we used to play? Quarters? Where we'd see how much we could drink after smoking a quarter ounce of weed? Let's do that!"

It's of absolutely no surprise that Mo (Don Cheadle) is more than ready to let loose at his bachelor party