Law & Order: SVU Recap: Woman Goes From Victim To Predator Over The Space Of A Commercial Break

Glad to have you back, Sgt. Rollins. "Law & Order: SVU" sure cued up a weird one for ya!

This week's episode centers on a woman named Natalie who, at first, seemed like the most special of victims: a woman in active labor who tells her doula that she can't go to the hospital because her rapist is stalking her and standing outside her window. Then it seems like the pregnant woman gets taken from her apartment while the doula is in another room, leaving the freaked-out birth attendant to call the police. "I think my client was kidnapped by her rapist," she says.

After establishing that they're good working together despite Curry's Internal Affairs past, Rollins and the captain poke around Natalie's apartment... and are shocked when Natalie herself walks in, then promptly keels over. She's taken to the hospital where — another shocker — she's instantly discharged. Though Natalie seems very disoriented and is unable to tell Benson what happened, the nurse attending to her chucks HIPAA right out the window when she says, "That woman was never pregnant."

Still, Liv is convinced that Natalie has been through a trauma. So she and the team continue to investigate. "How did the doula miss a fake pregnancy?" Bruno wonders, voicing MY EXACT QUESTION. To be fair, doulas aren't medical professionals: They don't do physical exams, etc. "My own sister faked a pregnancy after an assault," Rollins kicks in. Aw, Kim. How is that little weirdo these days, I wonder? Anyway, as the squad digs deeper, the picture of Natalie becomes decidedly less rosy. People at Wheels for Pups, the nonprofit where she volunteered, say she was unreliable and a liar. (Side note: I demand a raise for the SVU set dresser/props person/art department member/whoever came up with the Wheels for Pups tagline: "Supplying rounds for hounds." Chef's kiss!)

Eventually, Liv's team finds Lily, another doula who says that Natalie wasn't raped or pregnant, and that she can't be believed: "Natalie's not a victim, she's a predator." The episode goes to commercial. When it comes back, Lily tells them that Lily masturbated in front of her under the pretense of trying to stimulate labor. We learn she did similarly shady sex stuff to at least seven other doulas; she's taken advantage of at least 23 more.

"She's like an empathy vampire. She feeds off of it," Benson tells her crew. When Carisi comes to the precinct to discuss the case, a) please enjoy the many gymnastics Peter Scanavino's face goes as Sonny absorbs the information of Natalie's alleged crimes, and b) we reach the inevitable point in each episode where the cops yell at Carisi for pointing out the glaring weaknesses in their case.

"If Natalie were a man, we wouldn't even be having this conversation," Liv says. Which is true, but c'mon dude: Carisi has repeatedly proven he picks up what you're putting down, so don't shoot the legal messenger, eh? He suggests that Benson use her superpower, which is empathy, as a weapon to get Natalie to confess. (Does this make Liv the Empathy Vampire Slayer? Discuss.)

Actually, don't: Benson plays nice with Natalie, but it doesn't work, so she resorts to verbally cracking skulls and then arrests the woman. You should've known, captain — anyone who gushes that your gray, gray and more gray public servant office is "so nice" clearly will lie about ANYTHING.

Natalie's lawyer (hi, All Rise's Lindsay Mendez!) argues that she's not guilty by reason of mental defect. "Your illness makes you masturbate in front of a virtual stranger?" Carisi says, so incredulous that I expect his eyebrows to get stuck in his pomade. But he knows his case isn't slam-dunk, and Natalie's lawyer knows hers isn't, either. So they work out a deal: Natalie pleads guilty to all fraud counts, and the sexual assault charges are wiped away. Benson doesn't like it, but she knows it's unlikely they'll win. So Carisi agrees to the new plan.

When Natalie is set free, she makes sure to stop and tell Liv that she thinks she's a great cop. Liv sneers at her as she confirms that she is, indeed, Kickass Law Enforcement Barbie, and she'll inevitably see Natalie again soon.

Now it's your turn. What did you think of the episode? Sound off in the comments!