Quotes Of The Week: 9-1-1, Elsbeth, Grey's, Doc, NCIS: Origins, And More

If you had yourself a stressful April Fools' Day, TVLine is offering up a stellar edition of Quotes of the Week — and it's no joke!

In our list below — which rounds up the best sound bites of the past seven days — you'll find a dozen shows represented, including "Love on the Spectrum," "Days of Our Lives," "9-1-1," "Doc," "Elsbeth," "CIA," "Chicago Med," "House of Villains," "Matlock," and more.

Also featured in this week's roundup: "Grey's Anatomy" shows off some creativity when it comes to bedtime routines, "St. Denis Medical" finally gets smooching, and "NCIS: Origins" delivers a misguided pep talk. Plus, we've got a double dose of "Survivor."

Scroll through the list below to see all of our picks for the week, then hit the comments and tell us if we missed any of your faves! (With contributions from Nick Caruso, Rebecca Luther, Dave Nemetz, Ryan Schwartz, and Andy Swift)

"The twins are fed, changed, and asleep."

"Did you sing them 'Twinkle, Twinkle' again?"

"'Highway to Hell.'"

"Whatever works."

Given how high strung she can be, we're a little surprised that Jo (Camilla Luddington) is so chill about Link's (Chris Carmack) unconventional lullaby

"OK, OK. That's enough."

Xavier (Sterling K. Brown) may have just barely survived a nuclear blast, but that doesn't mean he's going to stand for extended, pubilc, romantic shenanigans between his teen daughter and her boyfriend

"I clearly can't show up to trial as a bombshell apex predator. So I buried my light under oatmeal."

The normally stylish and sexy Shae (Yael Grobglas) explains her drab courtroom outfit

"That photographer was kinda weird, right?"

"Oh my God, he was, like, obsessed with us kissing!"

"Totally! It's like, back off, dude. We're not gonna kiss just 'cause you're yelling at us."

"Exactly!"

"I mean... when we kiss, it'll be because we want to."

"...Right. When we kiss."

And with that sweet, funny lead-up, Matt (Mekki Leeper) and Serena (Kahyun Kim) — who pretended to be an expectant couple during their work day — finally have their first real kiss

"I do sometimes wonder what happens when you can't figure out who the good guys are anymore."

"Well, if you're ever questioning that, then just look for the closest mirror. You'll be looking at one."

Jubal (Jeremy Sisto) gives Bill (Nick Gehlfuss) a vote of confidence during a particularly down moment

"She's been to hell and back. She was just kidnapped by the same maniac who had her stashed in a drawer at the morgue."

"Yes, I got it. She went through an ordeal, I know that. But if I could be back at work mere weeks after being shot and buried alive, I think Stephanie could probably hand in a book proposal."

Phillip (John-Paul Lavoisier) tries to buy Stephanie more time at work, but apparently Kate (Lauren Koslow) is even less empathetic as a boss than she is as a mother

"It's like Russian roulette in that office."

"Did she talk to you yet?"

"She said I'm a schmuck but too good a doctor to let go. [Grins] It's one of the nicest things anybody's said about me." 

Not only did Peter (Douglas Nyback) survive the hospital's layoffs, but he got quite the compliment from Joan, too

"'That which does not kill me makes me stronger.'"

"Wow, Friedrich Nietzsche?"

"Yeah... not Kelly Clarkson."

Nietzsche or Clarkson — either way, Mel (Taylor Dearden) knows just what to say to lift Langdon's (Patrick Ball) spirits

"I'm going to miss you guys, but hey, see you in the field, I hope?" 

"Actually, you shouldn't hope for that. Because if we're at a call and the 144 is there, that means it's a multiple-alarm incident, which means multiple possible fatalities. So technically, if everything goes well, we'll never see you again."

Buck (Oliver Stark) could have said nothing to Sam (Michael Johnston) on his last day. Instead, for some reason, he chose to say this.

"It's a debutante ball."

"No way! I thought it was, like, 10 weddings!"

Elsbeth (Carrie Preston) had been wondering why their latest crime scene was full of women in white dresses

"You sure I don't need to a write a script for this? 

"A script?"

"Yeah."

"We want you to just be yourself."

"OK, no script."

Little does Logan know that after just a few minutes on reality TV, he's already stolen our hearts!

"We're such a tiny group. Seriously, I'm glad I'm wearing immunity, otherwise I'd worry I'd be applewood smoked." 

Christian Hubicki just couldn't help but throw in one last nod to the almighty sponsor that is Applebee's

"As the great Keith Nale said, this ain't a cruise! If you want to have fun, go on a cruise. This is 'Survivor.'"

Rick Devens quotes a late, great former player

"There's no such thing as psychics."

"I don't know. Who am I to say? I talk to my ghost mom in a toilet."

We will never tire of Angie (Erika Christensen) referring to Dee Dee down in the sewers

"I understand the power of attention, medical attention included, for people who feel lonely and abandoned."

"Oh, I'm lonely and abandoned, am I? 

"Well, you're a human being."

"OK, well, if I need medical attention to gel whole, do you know what that makes you?

"I don't know. What does that make me?"

"The freak who needs sick people like me to feel whole because fixing us is how you feel important. You should see your face. I nailed it, didn't I? You need me. I'm the damn drug you're strung out on. You need us so that you can feel useful, so you can BS yourself into believing you're actually helping! I mean come on, Dr. Charles! Hit me with some more of your fancy crap so you can feel better about yourself and feed your delusion. Because the truth is, you're a useless fraud. And you want to know what's really sad? Everybody knows it but you. 

Dr. Charles' (Oliver Platt) patient Sage (Narci Perez Regina) kicks him while he's down 

"He was butchering your name on purpose! And then he's sitting here in this community desk, watching over you like a hawk. The man don't like Indians! Probably not Black folks either, or anybody with a shake of pepper in them. We gotta show him... that you're just like a white person, only more native to the land and whatnot."

"OK, Mike. [Rolls eyes]"

Franks' (Kyle Schmid) heart is in the right place — we think? — but his pep talk to Dr. Tango (Julian Black Antelope) falls short

"Paul has been the little b*tch of the house all season long. Getting down on his knees like a basset hound and working every room. I'm about to call Sarah McLachlan to come and pick his ass up!"

Thanks to New York, "Angel" has been stuck in our heads since Thursday

"Where could she even get condoms?"

"Drug store, I guess."

"Really? I never had the courage to buy them at a drug store."

"Which is why I had to buy a pregnancy test."

Thankfully, it all worked out for Georgie (Montana Jordan) and Mandy (Emily Osment)... for now. (See: series title.)