Quotes Of The Week: All American, Doc, Big Brother, Survivor, And More

It's time for another edition of Quotes of the Week. 

In our latest list below — which rounds up the best sound bites of the past seven days — you'll find nearly a dozen shows represented, including "Lanterns," "Beyond the Gates," and "Big Brother."

Also featured in this week's roundup: "R.J. Decker" has a near-death experience, "All American" throws a pity party, and "Doc" gets punny. Plus, we've got a double dose of "Survivor."

Scroll through the list below to see all of our picks for the week, then hit the comments and tell us if we missed any of your faves! (With contributions from Nick Caruso, Rebecca Luther, Dave Nemetz, Kimberly Roots, and Andy Swift)

"I am petrified because your boy ain't good in the water. I only learned to swim like two months ago. I got a guy on Reddit to teach me how to swim in exchange for a case of beer. He only showed up drunk one time. For the most part, he was a really good teacher!"

What's more questionable? Kilby's swimming skills or his booze-drinking teacher he found on the internet? Jury's out

"Devin is my number one guy, but he's my biggest competition at the moment. Brody, this is for a million dollars, maybe even two million. If my mom came to football practice, I'd lay her ass out too!"

Brady tries to explain his butting of heads with Devin, much to the detriment of... his own mother?!

"You really have changed since you married the model. I remember you drinking me under the table in London... and then doing me on top of it."

Our favorite version of Heather (Ashley Jones) is when she slips into an impression of Samantha from "Sex and the City"

"There was a light and this beautiful voice calling me home. I think I shifted. It was almost like I was watching 'Minions,' but I was Gru? Almost dying is crazy."

This is somehow the exact revelation we'd expect from Jake (William McKinney) after a near-death experience

"Can you imagine being there when people became color? Like, what that was like for everybody? Look around and being like, 'Oh God, we're all color now'? Crazy time." 

Charlie (Charlie Day) has trouble grasping the concept of a TV show going from black-and-white to color between seasons

"Ladies and gentlemen, distinguished guests, dignitaries, both foreign and alien, both terrestrial and extraterrestrial, Mr./Mrs. President and First Lady/Gentleman, to the scores gathered in my honor... I am humbled by the countless lives saved, the battles fought, and the victories achieved in the name of justice, freedom, and peace. To the evildoers who would view my absence as a window of opportunity, you're sh*t out of luck. My ring has no doubt selected a brave son of a b*tch, ready to continue my fight, and to that man or woman — but probably a man, not that there would never be a female Lanterns, but I'm just playing the odds here — you have my admiration. For there is no greater honor or privilege. The weight of the ring is a heavy burden, one that demands exceptional courage, sacrifice, and willpower. And sometimes, even those won't get the job done. For even in the blackest of nights, I urge you to carry on. The world's counting on you. I'm counting on you. That said, I can't believe I'm actually dead. I kind of wrote this as a joke, but if you're reading it, I guess the joke's on me. I'm truly sorry to any of you that I hurt. I don't have a good excuse. Maybe it was just easier to fly than it was to stay on the ground. I hope I mattered."

Hal's eulogy, read by John Stewart (Aaron Pierre), is really something, eh?

"I busted my ass to get ready for this today. To make sure it was a success. And then it all just fell apart, right when my dreams were in reach. None of this is fair. I put in so much work, I did the right thing, and it was all for nothing. Just like that, my dreams are gone."

"Are you done acting like a whiny little b*tch?"

After the week she's had, Amina (Alexis Chikaeze) has no patience for KJ's (Nathaniel Logan McIntyre) pity party after a football injury

"I take what I do very seriously. I don't appreciate people in my department being half-hearted."

"Is that a pun?"

She didn't mean to, but Westside cardiology boss Dr. Matos (Sarah Orenstein) scolded Jake (Jon Ecker) with some wordplay

"I just see that giant, six-foot-five mummy and I'm thinking: Barrett, what happened to you?!"

Was Barrett's recent eviction actually... a mummification for the veto competition? Tragic!