Quotes Of The Week For Oct. 28, 2018

CHARMED

"You guys, when I said we should do more cardio, I meant more like a spin class."

Leave it to Maggie (Sarah Jeffery) to work in a joke while running like hell from a giant, horned demon

LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS

"A nurse in Missouri was fired this week after she used blackface to dress up as Beyoncé for Halloween. Said her boss, 'Everything you own in a box to the left.'"

DC'S LEGENDS OF TOMORROW

"You want a Marmite crumpet?"

"What did you call me?!"

Constantine (Matt Ryan) introduces Mick to British cuisine (as it were)

PATRIOT ACT WITH HASAN MINHAJ

"Nowadays, when people hear 'affirmative action,' they often think, 'Oh, he got that job because he's black,' 'She got that job because she's Hispanic,' 'He got that job because he hates blacks and Hispanics'..."

Minhaj wastes no time targeting U.S. Attorney General Jeff Sessions

THE GOOD DOCTOR

"You haven't moved your bowels."

"Well, thank you, Shaun, for that announcement. Saves me the trouble of tweeting."

Shaun (Freddie Highmore) is a wee bit too loud when he checks in with a post-op Glassman (Richard Schiff)

THE GOOD DOCTOR (Bonus Quote!)

"Marriage sounds confusing. No wonder you both failed at it."

Shaun (Freddie Highmore) unintentionally passes judgment on divorcées Park and Lim

TELL ME A STORY (Bonus Quote!)

"Don't be so down on New York. It's the greatest city in the world."

"Says who?"

"Um... Expedia? Hamilton?"

Tisha (Mackenzie Lansing) tries to cheer up BFF Kayla (Danielle Campbell) after her move to the Big Apple

TELL ME A STORY

"Oh, don't you look nice? Very sexy. I was slutty when I was your age, too."

Kayla's grandmother, Colleen (Kim Cattrall), is just calling Kayla's wardrobe choices like she sees 'em

A MILLION LITTLE THINGS

"Why don't I go with you to soundcheck? It'll be just like the old days, except I won't have to Bodyguard you through the exit."

"That was one time, and I'm sober now."

"Yeah? Well, I... will always love you."

Gary (James Roday) is the Kevin Costner to Eddie's (David Giuntoli) Whitney Houston

THIS IS US

"Thanks, Kev. I appreciate it, man."

"These muscles aren't just for show. Actually, that's not true at all: They're mostly just for show."

Randall (Sterling K. Brown) enlists his movie-star brother Kevin (Justin Hartley) in moving some heavy boxes at campaign headquarters

THE KIDS ARE ALRIGHT

"If only there was a way to see something on TV again, after it's already been on..."

Oh, just you wait until the #PeakTV era, circa-1972 Timmy (Jack Gore)

ARROW

"I was working on him for 20 minutes — you get him to confess in 15 seconds?!"

"I'm his mother. And your boss."

Diggle (David Ramsey) wonders how Lyla (Audrey Marie Anderson) got John Jr. to talk

ARROW (Bonus Quote!)

"Oh, you want to do it the vigilante way. Well, then, you probably shouldn't have invited her."
 
Dinah (Juliana Harkavy) reminds Rene that FBI Agent Watson is no fan of masks

THE FLASH

"What are you doing...?"

"I'm just getting evidence that you make lumpy pancakes in every time period."

Nora (Jessica Parker Kennedy) reports that Mom's flapjacks will never be picture-perfect

DC'S LEGENDS OF TOMORROW (Bonus Quote!)

"Constantine is—"

"Tired, hungover and in need of a stiff one! Dealer's choice as to what that's a euphemism for."

Constantine (Matt Ryan) announces his official enlistment with the Waverider

WILL & GRACE

"I gotta get some floss, I've got something stuck in my tooth. I had an everything bagel, so it could be anything."

Who knew the most relatable character on this show would end up being Grace's dad (Robert Klein)?

BLACK LIGHTNING

"It never ceases to amaze me, how all you white folks feel this need to be the savior. Makes me laugh, and at the same time want to punch you in the face."

Tobias (Marvin Jones III) needs no favors from a common drug peddler

TITANS

"Why did you leave her here?"

"In a convent full of nuns? Yeah, seemed real dangerous."

Kory (Anna Diop) rails at Dick (Brenton Thwaites) for "ditching" Rachel

GREY'S ANATOMY

"Look, you're cute and nerdy and weird, and that's usually my type. But I've done my coming out already, I can't go through it again. I can't teach you how to do this."

"I thought this was a teaching hospital!"

Levi (Jake Borelli) was as crushed as we were when Nico (Alex Landi) refused to instruct him on how to be a gay man

LEGACIES

"Here's a tip: The next time you burn your ex's hair off, make sure she can't work a lob."

Are we supposed to hate Penelope (Lulu Antariksa)? Because she's winning us over with lines like this

THE GOOD PLACE

"When the time comes, she will rip this guy off and disappear, just like Keyser Söze... right after he admitted to groping all those people." 

Eleanor (Kristen Bell) worries that her con-artist mom is another Kevin Spacey in the making

SUPERNATURAL

"It's so smooth. It's like a dolphin's belly."

Dean (Jensen Ackles), describing Sam's freshly shaved face

CRAZY EX-GIRLFRIEND

"She said she called you. You didn't get her voicemails?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I don't listen to voicemails. My outgoing message is, 'Seriously, don't,' and then just *beep.*"

Rebecca (Rachel Bloom) explains to her little brother Tucker (Luca Padovan) that texting is probably the best way to reach her

SUPERSTORE

"Damn, what is with this place? It's like Grey's Anatomy in here."

Dina (Lauren Ash) takes note of the hospital's (Mc)dreamy doctors

SUPERSTORE (Bonus Quote!)

"We'll see an occasional movie, and then sometimes I'm there when she gives birth to a baby."

Jonah (Ben Feldman) attempts to define his relationship with Amy

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

"Wait, Kenan, they let you in here sometimes?"

"Uh, yeah man. This is my show. I let you in here sometimes."

Kenan Thompson, currently in his record-setting 16th season, puts new Five Timers' Club inductee Jonah Hill in his place