Quotes Of The Week For May 24, 2020

We've rounded up the best TV quotes from May 24 through May 30, 2020. Scroll through our gallery of zingers, bon mots and one-liners below, then tell us if we missed any of your favorite lines from this week's television!

legends-of-tomorrow-arrow-audition-quote

DC'S LEGENDS OF TOMORROW

"I got an audition to play Robin Hood in Arrow, a show about a vigilante!"

"Mm, sounds dumb."

Zari (Tala Ashe) is not impressed with Nate's (Nick Zano) big news

hannah-gadsby-douglas-trauma-quote

HANNAH GADSBY: DOUGLAS

"What the f—k are you expecting from this show? Because I'm sorry, if it's more trauma, I'm fresh out. Had I known just how wildly popular trauma was going to be in the context of comedy, I might've budgeted my s—t a bit better."

Gadsby makes sure to lower everyone's expectations for the follow-up to her breakout special Nanette

to-tell-the-truth-creepy-mustache-quote

TO TELL THE TRUTH

"No. 1 is a creepy weirdo with a mustache—"

"Isn't that who you played on Reno 911!...?"

"That is what I mostly play."

Thomas Lennon sees a bit of his fictional self in a man who claims to be named "Harry Potter"

rupauls-drag-race-rachel-bloom-large-breasts-quote

RUPAUL'S DRAG RACE

"Ru, thank you for this excuse to get dolled up for the first time since giving birth about six weeks ago — and for the excuse to show off my pornographically large breasts, which are filled with milk."

Come on, did you really think motherhood would change Rachel Bloom, the performer and co-writer of a song called "Heavy Boobs"?

insecure-ran-away-actual-job-quote

INSECURE

"That bitch ran away from me like I was an actual job."

Molly (Yvonne Orji), recounting a near-encounter with her ex-bestie

HBO Max / Legendary

LEGENDARY

"I think I've just experienced my first gag. You've just taken my gag virginity. Thank you!" 

Judge Jameela Jamil lets House of Lanvin know how blown away she is by their walk in the ballroom competition's premiere

snowpiercer-personal-touch-quote

SNOWPIERCER

"Sometimes detective work requires a personal touch."

Till sees that Layton (Daveed Diggs) very, ahem, closely worked his source in the Night Car

council-of-dads-church-basement-quote

COUNCIL OF DADS

"It was nice of you to come to church with me. You didn't have to."

"I wanted to. I'm usually in the basement."

Larry (Michael O'Neill) knows the local church best from his AA meetings 

mrs-america-hold-the-door-quote

MRS. AMERICA

"Hold the door for the next bunch."

Bella Abzug (Margo Martindale) knows the work is not yet done for Shirley Chisholm and the women who will one day follow her in politics

blindspot-new-roommate-quote

BLINDSPOT

"Do you think our new roommate is one of the prisoners?"

"Hey, please stop calling him that!"

"OK. Uh, tenant? Houseguest? Subletter!"

Rich Dotcom (Ennis Esmer) really needs to know how to refer to the Dabbur Zann terrorist who's now in their secret bunker

stargirl-injustice-society-quote

DC'S STARGIRL

"The Injustice Society? God, you were great with names, huh, Stripesy."

Courtney (Brec Bassinger) is thisclose to calling Cisco for a consult

agents-of-shield-gal-like-me-quote

MARVEL'S AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D.

"What's a gal like you doing trying to be a mountie? Can't you find a husband?"

"[Chuckles] OK. Yeah. I mean, I wish that I could hold onto a husband. But for some reason, they end up with broken ribs whenever they give me lip. Now, move or a gal like me will knock out a guy like you in front of people like them."

After barely setting foot in 1931, Daisy (Chloe Bennet) bumps up against old-timey norms 

agents-of-shield-dad-jokes-quote

MARVEL'S AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. (Bonus Quote!)

"They're Chronicoms, they're waiting for FDR."

"And when he gets here, it will be a 'whole new deal,' am I right? [Met with silence] Dad jokes. It's a glitch. Sorry."

LMD Coulson's (Clark Gregg) superpower is wordplay

what-we-do-in-shadows-panera-bread-quote

WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS

"Listen to me, little man. From Panera Bread you came, and to Panera Bread you shall return!"

Nandor (Kayvan Novak) feels dissed by his estranged familiar Guillermo

harley-quinn-invisible-jet-quote

HARLEY QUINN

"Wow, gross. That must happen a lot."

Harley (voiced by Kaley Cuoco) realizes that invisible-jet travel is not for the birds. (And yes, it happens a lot.)

Click here to return to the original post.

Recommended