Quotes Of The Week For Aug. 4, 2019

BH90210

"What are you doing?"

"I'm gonna have a roll in the hay with that hot pig farmer."

"But you're a vegan."

"Not today!"

Tori (Tori Spelling) tries to stem Jennie's (Jennie Garth) bacon cravin'

BH90210 (Bonus Quote!)

"...and YOU, Calendar Girl! If it wasn't for me, you'd be tapping maple syrup and chasing mooses!"

Wannabe dress thief Tori (Tori Spelling) reminds Jason of his 1993 rom-com

EUPHORIA

"I mean, like, is one of us gonna get hurt? Yeah, probably. But I'll do my best to make sure it's me."

Ethan (Austin Abrams) is willing to risk heartbreak for a chance to be with Kat (awww...)

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ORANGE COUNTY

"People are like, 'How do you handle seven kids?' I'm like, 'I don't.' I handle six really well. But the seventh? I'm like, 'Oh, no, we're done.'"

New housewife Braunwyn deserves a medal... or at least a stiff drink

ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK (Episode 8)

"It turns out I'm a fixer — like Olivia Pope, or Woodward and Berenstain Bear."

Suzanne (Uzo Aduba) mixes up her real-life and fictional heroes

BACHELOR IN PARADISE (Bonus Quote!)

"I made my bed, and I'm going to sleep in it."

"Did you change the sheets?"

Kristina, calling Blake on the fact that he slept with her and Caelynn on successive nights

BACHELOR IN PARADISE

"Blake has had sex with, like, everyone on this beach already! Maybe Chris Harrison!"

Demi, summing up the mess Blake made before even arriving in Paradise

BLOOD & TREASURE

"Reece likely won't confess anything to Danny, but keep recording just in case. If he's rattled enough, he might say something to one of his security and implicate himself."

"What, like, 'They know I poisoned Castillo — go murder them'?"

"That would be perfect."

"He probably won't be that clear-cut."

Lexi (Sofia Pernas) has high hopes for their sting operation

PENNYWORTH

"I'm waiting for my boyfriend."

"He's not an actor, too, is he? Never works."

"No. He creeps up on people in the night and kills them."

Esme (Emma Corrin) swats a barfly

FOUR WEDDINGS AND A FUNERAL

"I was just thinking to myself: If I could go back in time and tell 19-year-old Duffy that one day I'd be lying in bed next to you, I would not believe it."

"That's what you would do if you could go back in time? You wouldn't, like, kill Hitler or tell John Travolta how to pronounce Idina Menzel?"

Maya (Nathalie Emmanuel) thinks Duffy's time in the past could be spent more wisely

THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT

"Later in his address from the White House, Trump took a strong stand."

"[President Trump sound bite] In one voice, our nation must condemn racism, bigotry and white supremacy."

"I try my best every night, but you're still in office."

AMBITIONS

"Oh, it's like that, huh? One little impromptu trip upstairs, and you're denying me my chocolate fix?"

"As far as you're concerned, the candy store is closed."

Psst... Greg (Gino Anthony Pesi) and Stephanie (Robin Givens) aren't really talking about candy