Quotes Of The Week For Sept. 8, 2019
We've rounded up the best TV quotes from Sept. 8 through Sept. 14, 2019. Scroll through our gallery of zingers, bon mots and one-liners below, then tell us if we missed any of your favorite lines from this week's television!
bh90210-mischa-barton-tilapia-quote
BH90210
"Do you think that's what Mischa Barton said when they asked her to do the bait shop pop-up? She has been there 48 hours straight, grilling tilapia!"
"Oof, she's not going to be able to get that smell out of her hair."
Tori (Tori Spelling) presses Jennie (Jennie Garth) to better promote the Peach Pit pop-up
bh90210-possums-quote
BH90210 (Bonus Quote!)
"Possums eat an average of 4,000 ticks a week."
"Wow. You know a lot about possums."
Shannen (Shannen Doherty) details why she saved some almost-roadkill
succession-penis-cat-quote
SUCCESSION
"Penis cat."
Shiv (Sarah Snook) spies the Pierces' (hairless) family pet
succession-low-thread-count-sheets-quote
SUCCESSION (Bonus Quote!)
"Is that booze?"
"Are you kidding? Just Emily Dickinson and low thread-count sheets."
Tom (Matthew Macfayden) gives Shiv a tour of their sad accommodations at the Pierce mansion
the-I-land-name-picked-out-quote
THE I-LAND (Episode 1)
"I already have a name picked out for you."
"I'm sure it's the same one I've got for you."
And based on the animosity between Chase (Natalie Martinez) and K.C. (Kate Bosworth), we're guessing that name isn't "Freckles"
unbelievable-own-coffee-mug-quote
UNBELIEVABLE (Episode 2)
"My God, woman — we're going to have to get you your own coffee mug!"
Duvall (Merritt Wever) makes herself comfortable at Rasmussen's (Toni Collette) desk
fear-the-walking-dead-tequila-hangover-quote
FEAR THE WALKING DEAD
"This s—t's worse than a tequila hangover."
Sarah (Mo Collins), summing up the devastation after a walker-fueled fire at the oil field
titans-three-dipshits-quote
TITANS
"911, what's your emergency?"
"Um, there's a meth lab at 2751 Hollister Lane. It's being run by..."
"Three complete dipsh-ts."
"...three complete dipsh-ts. So you better have someone come down and arrest us."
Dove (Minka Kelly) helps a meth cook turn himself in
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on-becoming-a-god-mommy-do-violence-quote
ON BECOMING A GOD IN CENTRAL FLORIDA
"Mommy wants to do violence!"
Fed-up mom Krystal (Kirsten Dunst) confesses her aggressive impulses to her baby daughter — in a cute, sing-songy voice, though
four-weddings-and-funeral-million-bucks-quote
FOUR WEDDINGS AND A FUNERAL
"Hey, you look like a million bucks."
"That expression should really be adjusted for inflation, but thank you."
Ainsley (Rebecca Rittenhouse) informs Bryce (Dermot Mulroney) that she really looks more like 10 billion bucks, at today's rates
real-housewives-orange-county-stuffed-taxidermied-quote
THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ORANGE COUNTY
"I want to be stuffed. I want to be taxidermied. Is that what it's called? Like Build-A-Bear... Because I'm too claustrophobic to go into a grave, or into a wall, or into a vase."
Tamra has some... unconventional end-of-life requests, let's just say
the-ranch-michael-kelso-quote
THE RANCH (Episode 6)
"Colt, how did you get in here?"
"Let's just say your assistant's a fan of Michael Kelso, who she thinks I look like."
Colt (Ashton Kutcher) bears a striking resemblance to a certain That '70s Show character, wouldn't you say?
the-ranch-art-of-deal-quote
THE RANCH (Episode 8)
"Sorry I couldn't talk. I had to finish my audiobook, The Art of the Deal."
Hank (Grady Lee Richmond) gets lost in Donald Trump's much-maligned business advice book
pennyworth-wild-party-quote
PENNYWORTH
"We went out to a party, and I guess things got a little wild..."
"'Got a little wild'? You are naked!"
Martha (Emma Paetz) and Thomas (Ben Aldridge) haven't even gotten to the three-day blackout yet!