Quotes Of The Week For Nov. 20, 2016

"Miss, for a dollar, would you have a threesome with me and Jon Hamm?... I know he doesn't have great buzz at the moment, but he's still a handsome fella."

"I used to. Imagine it's 2009."

"At first, I thought you and the others were gods. Then I realized you're just men. And I know men. You think I'm scared of death? I've done it a million times. I'm f—king great at it. How many times have you died?"

Robot host Maeve (Thandie Newton) discovers she has a few advantages on her human captors

"I'm not really evil. Despite the name."

The Evil Queen (Lana Parrilla) urges Henry not to judge a book by its cover

"I am a human rainbow."

Arizona (Jessica Capshaw), flirting up a storm with Eliza

"Of course I will be fine! I'm always fine! Don't you know that?"

Meredith (Ellen Pompeo), refusing to let Alex reassure her that she'll be OK while he's behind bars

"Is that what she's been humming when she's working out? Katy Perry?"

"That's how off-key she is. But if you listen carefully, it's the worst rendition of 'Firework' you've ever heard."

Mike (Mark-Paul Gosselaar) attests that Ginny can be — wait for it — pitchy

"Charles didn't sober up Rosa. She got him drunk!"

"Oh no. How drunk is he?"

"Remember the night they cancelled Bunheads?"

"We're ruined."

Terry (Terry Crews) warns Amy (Melissa Fumero) that Charles is dangerously plastered

"Look at me. So drunk, I'm alliterating like a beatnik."

Drunk Capt. Holt (Andre Braugher) is the best Capt. Holt

"It's like scrolling through the emojis on my phone."

Penny (Kaley Cuoco) comments on Sheldon's highly animated reactions to a research paper

"We had a meta-hominid on my planet who could do virtually the same thing. We called him 'Shade.'"

"What did he do, throw side-eye at his enemies?"

H.R. (Tom Cavanagh) and Cisco (Carlos Valdes) size up Central City's dark new threat

"Grandma said that I should never be a snitch."

"I said never be a snitch — unless the DA offers you immunity!"

Bonnie (Allison Janney) sneaks in some life advice for grandson Roscoe (Blake Garrett Rosenthal) while he tries to avoid telling his mother who supplied him with marijuana

"I am proud to announce I now have the longest sobriety of any person in my family — including my 12-year-old son."

"There's something for the Christmas letter."

Perhaps Bonnie (Allison Janney) shouldn't be quite so eager to make lemonade from all of her daughter Christy's (Anna Faris) lemons?

"Maybe I'll ask him to eat some bologna with a fork. My ex-boyfriend used to do that, instant turn-off."

Quinn (Jennifer Esposito) would love to shake off her sexy dreams about boss man Gibbs

"When you find Flynn, maybe you can blind him with that suit."

"I look like Greg Brady."

"Go find Marcia and Peter and get going."

Agent Christopher (Sakina Jaffrey) has some fun at the expense of Wyatt's (Matt Lanter) colorful 1970s wardrobe

"What about Hitler? How did you actually torture Hitler in Hell? Is his cell next to Idi Amin's? Or Mussolini's? Or is there kind of a 'tyrant wing'?"

Dr. Linda (Rachael Harris) is loaded with questions upon accepting Lucifer's true identity

"I'll take a [footprint] mold, but assuming it's one of the major brands, you're looking at a pool of, like, two million dudes in L.A., maybe 10,000 robust ladies."

Ella (Aimee Garcia) shows no gender bias when assessing a crime scene

"You stabbed me. You cuckolded me. You ruined my life. Better lawyer up, bitch."

Paul (Allan McLeod) finally mans up and tells Lindsay to get ready for a nasty divorce battle

"Guys, don't try that climax at home. You're not gonna be able to do it. It doesn't matter what you're taking!"

Bruno Tonioli warns male viewers not to mimic James and Sharna's sultry Argentine tango, which ended with James doing a handstand on a chair

"I love a gal that buys me dinner and doesn't expect me to put out."

Negan (Jeffrey Dean Morgan), after taking a deer carcass from Michonne

"I can't be the only one to notice that you got a fat lady in charge of keeping track of rations, can I?"

Negan (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) to Rick, upon meeting Olivia and seeing how bare Alexandria's cupboards are

"How did my mother do this three times a week?!"

"Maybe you could kill it from the inside by crushing its dreams with your unsupportive words?"

Jessica (Constance Wu) and an upset Louis (Randall Park) discover they have to kill a live turkey for Cattleman's raffle

"Kevin Rooney was [Mike] Tyson's trainer in the heyday of Tyson. And then when Don King came in, Kevin was out. He was at a low point in his career. He was drinking, gambling. He had gained a little weight."

"I think I'm at a low point in my career."

Co-host Billy Gardell tips us off to some of his extracurricular activities as Aaron Eckhart describes his real-life character in the boxing movie Bleed for This

"My Caché!"

"It's Chico's — and you know it!"

Even while destroying the wardrobe of her ex-sister-in-law Almaviligerais (Lorraine Toussaint), Ruby (Jenifer Lewis) has time to check the label

"I'll go get the alien. You get the girl."

Kara (Melissa Benoist) to her sister, Alex, who just came out

"A new study found that a majority of people are scared of automated machines, but she still won the popular vote."

"Today was Spicy Guacamole Day, when people across America celebrate guacamole, or as it will be called under the Trump administration, 'freedom dip.'"

"People have accused me of being obsessed with dogs, and I can say they're right. So have you met my latest little rescue? This would be Harris, and I worship the ground that he never walks on!"

Lisa Vanderpump, introducing a new four-legged friend