Quotes Of The Week For April 9, 2017

GREY'S ANATOMY

"We crashed and got lost... People died. It wasn't great."

Meredith (Ellen Pompeo), summing up her plane-crash experience for Nathan

SCORPION

"You just brokered a peace treaty! Like a real statesman!"

"I almost threw up twice!"

Sylvester (Ari Stidham) could barely stomach his handiwork at the negotiation table

IZOMBIE

"She literally made you Eskimo brothers with Satan. She does not deserve FaceTime with you."

"She doesn't?"

"She slept with Blaine, which first of all, ew, and second, I can't even."

While on teen girl brains, Major (Robert Buckley) weighs in on Ravi's Peyton problem

GIRLS

"We can't hang out together anymore because we cannot be in the same room without one of us making it completely and entirely about ourselves. In this instance... it happens to be Hannah, who has decided to crash my engagement party by showing up dressed like a member of the Teen Mom cast."

Shoshanna (Zosia Mamet) drops the first of many truth-bombs on her (former) friends at her engagement party

FEUD: BETTE AND JOAN

"I'm the last G—damn dinosaur. And I am up to my t—ts in tar."

Jack Warner (Stanley Tucci) bemoans his fate as the only old-school Hollywood studio head left standing

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK CITY

"I don't mean to be judgy, I just can't hold a conversation with someone who thinks what she reads in a Facebook comment is actually news."

Carole, totally judging Ramona — and also preaching to the choir

IMPOSTERS

"I need you to be someone, so I pretend to be the person I think you need me to be so hopefully you're willing to be the person I think I need you to be. But what if what I think I need isn't what I actually need? Then what?"

While conning Gina, Jules (Marianne Rendón) might have just hit upon the reason love is the ultimate scam

IMPOSTERS (Bonus Quote!)

"I always hated weddings."

"Not the Cinderella/Prince Charming type?"

"Exactly. I always liked those little birds that helped with the laundry, though."

Jules (Marianne Rendón), "talking marriage" with Gina (Chastity Dotson)

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE (Bonus Quote!)

"Why did you have to say [Teddy] was boring?"

"Because he is boring. His favorite app on his phone is Contacts."

Sorry, Jake (Andy Samberg), but Amy (Melissa Fumero) reacted how any human being would upon learning her ex-boyfriend's favorite app

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE

"Are they going to be looking in our desks? Also, unrelated: Someone left a bunch of swords in my desk."

"I have a similar question about browser histories."

"Just throw your computer away."

"Roger that."

Holt (Andre Braugher) doesn't dignify Rosa's (Stephanie Beatriz) concern with a response, but he knows exactly what Hitchcock (Dirk Blocker) needs to do with his work computer

SUPERNATURAL

"By the time we leave, Dr. Hess wants to know everything about our friends, the Winchesters. Their allies, their habits, how does Sam get his hair so shiny, how many ratty flannels does Dean have."

Doesn't Mr. Ketch (David Haydn-Jones) know that Sam's hair care routine is a closely guarded secret?

THE BIG BANG THEORY

"She's younger and far more attractive than he is. They're copying you two!"

Sheldon (Jim Parsons) makes a rude (but arguably astute) point when he compares Bert and Rebecca to Leonard and Penny

CONAN

"A study found that babies as young as six months old can be racist. Or as Steve Bannon calls them, 'prodigies.'"

BROCKMIRE

"Yo, Drake and Taylor Swift are dating! Albums, y'all!"

Charles (Tyrel Jackson Williams) interrupts Brockmire to clue the Frackers in on some admittedly epic celebrity gossip

THE MIDDLE

"I want the two of you to stay here and figure out how to get along — and if you happen to write a song about tolerance, that'd be great. I could use it up in Clarksdale. A lot of hubbub about who can use what bathroom lately."

Reverend Tim-Tom (Paul Hipp) could use Brick and Blake's help on a song much needed in the current political climate

THE MIDDLE (Bonus Quote!)

"When someone's not into you, you have to move on. You've got to look yourself in the mirror and say, 'Ricky Martin is happily married with two kids. It's not worth the stamps, Bradley.'"

Sorry, Brad (Brock Ciarlelli), but Ricky Martin is just not that into you

MACGYVER

"Oh, um, I'm sorry I blew up half the building."

"Eh — I've always been more of a 'building half standing' kind of gal."

Matty (Meredith Eaton) shrugs off Mac's making of a mess

MARVEL'S AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D.

"Noooooooooooo!!!!"

Jemma (Elizabeth Henstridge) can't bear to see the Framework's Fitz kill someone in cold blood

UNDERGROUND

"There's two things I got a right to: death, or liberty. One or the other, I mean to have. No one will take me back alive."

Harriet Tubman (Aisha Hinds) shares the simple truth that kept her soldiering on