Quotes Of The Week For Oct. 9, 2016

"I don't know how it works across the pond, but I am black — there is literally no place in American history that will be awesome for me."

Rufus (Malcolm Barrett) questions Connor Mason's time-travel recruitment criteria

"Who are you?"

"This is Dr. Dre. I'm Nurse Jackie. And we're from General Hospital."

Lucy (Abigail Spencer) uses some '00s references to save their bacon in 1937

"As a matter of fact, you're right. Life is short. I haven't been a construction worker yet or a biker [or] Indian chief."

"You think I don't get the Village People reference, but I do."

Joan (Lucy Liu) responds to Sherlock's (Jonny Lee Miller) concerns that she has professional wanderlust

"Gentlemen, the people at home cannot understand either one of you when you speak over each other."

Moderator Elaine Quijano tries to bring a bit of order to a messy VP debate

"Go and make sure our client isn't out trying to purchase Michaela."

Annalise (Viola Davis) knows her latest client's penchant for propositioning (and killing) young women — and doesn't want him left alone with her comely young associate

"... We have ratings for how many people watched Jeremy Piven in Mr. Selfridge, and the government even tracks how many people are killed by falling TVs each year — a number surely inflated by people who [watched] Mr. Selfridge and said, 'I choose death,' and then pulled the TV down on top of them."

"Under the law, the police generally have a certain amount of leeway regarding lethal force, meaning that fatal shootings can be considered legal even if they are unnecessary or disproportional. There's even a shorthand for such cases: It's 'lawful but awful,' which I believe is also the legal definition of Woody Allen's marriage."

"I apologize for my human form, but at least this one has supreme hindquarters."

"You're lying."

"No, they're quite sturdy. Feel it."

"I wasn't referring nor will I ever refer to your butt, Mother! I simply don't buy your 'wounded bird' story. You're the goddess of all creation."

"Not anymore, unfortunately. Now I'm just trapped in this stinky human with the exceptional ass."

Lucifer (Tom Ellis) and Mum (Tricia Helfer) get awkwardly reacquainted

"I have to Gone Girl myself and start over where nobody knows me. And I'm the hottest girl by, like, millions. Because, you know: America."

Lindsay (Kether Donohue) has a calm and rational solution for her marital troubles

"Caring about the vice president's calm temperament when an erratic rage quasar is at the top of the ticket is kind of like asking a car salesman about the airbags on a car that is currently on fire — little bit reassuring, but kind of beside the point."

Bee isn't convinced that Mike Pence's placid demeanor balances out Donald Trump's famous volatility

"Aren't you supposed to be looking after [baby Bella]?"

"Aren't you supposed to be sedated? Or dead?"

"My mama used to stick pins in a voodoo doll that looked just like you."

There's certainly no love lost between Leah (Leslie Uggams) and her new daughter-in-law Anika (Grace Gealey)

"Excuse me. Have I been kidnapped?"

"Unclear."

Caitlin (Danielle Panabaker) tries to clarify with Wally (Keiynan Lonsdale) whether Barry illegally nabbed her

"... and remember: I have a hangover. And a gun."

Joe (Jesse L. Martin) warns Barry about getting on his nerves

"When you're a boy, like, the last thing you want to be referred to as is a plastic Barbie with no penis."

Ken, upon learning that the rival tribe referred to him as "Ken Doll"

"I'll never understand why you parade around in these death traps rather than just magicking yourself around town."

Zelena (Rebecca Mader) makes a very good point about the Storybrooke crew's bad track record with cars

"Even if we weren't dealing with a corrupt police department — and we are — or an electorate that thinks I got all my political knowledge by binge-watching The West Wing, I still wouldn't be able to focus on being mayor."

"Let Green Arrow Be Green Arrow" seems to be Oliver's (Stephen Amell) message to Thea

"I must've died and went to heaven. Are you Jesus?"

Victor (Charles Justo), understandably confused upon meeting Brody

"Well, it looks like this year, we can all claim Donald Trump as a dependent."