'Empire': Cookie's Best Quotes

"I don't do prisons — I'm definitely not doing a crack house!"
"Would you stop acting like Diahann Carroll, heffa? You ain't been livin' in the suburbs with that white man all your life!"
Cookie is not trying to hear Candace's travel restrictions as they search for their missing, relapsed sister Carol

"Ain't nothing wrong with a couple of J. Los — as long as they can sing."
Cookie gets in a dig at the pop diva/American Idol judge while expressing support about the idea of her son Hakeem creating a Latina girl group

"Let me tell you something, ho. If it weren't for women like me, bitches like you would spend a lifetime on your knees — or underneath my 20-year-old son."
Cookie is not trying to be subtle about her objection to rival Anika being a part of their new record label

"Why are you over there crying like Tammy Faye Bakker?!"
Cookie has no patience for her sister Carol's tears — not even after they find their cousin's decapitated head in a gift box

"You can't even dyke right!"
Cookie is furious that Anika's roll in the sheets with lesbian billionaire Mimi failed to secure the deal they were seeking

"Just sounds like you grew a vagina, that's all."
"Rude."
"No more rude than that anchorwoman haircut you slap on your head."
Cookie charges back at Anika for calling her out on disrespecting Lucious

"He tried to out-dance me, girl. Next thing I know, we got three sons."
Cookie shares just how young (and how quickly) she and Lucious fell for one another

"Porsha, get my damn shoe!"
Yep, when you're Cookie's assistant, sometimes the job requires you to retrieve a stiletto that's been hurled in anger

"All right, look, girl — I don't judge. But you's a freak — and that's a good thing. We can sell that."
Where some managers might view a photo leak featuring girl-on-girl smooching as a major scandal, Cookie views Tiana's latest tabloid headlines as an opportunity

"Take these cookiesssss!"
Drunk-as-a-skunk Cookie beseeches bodyguard Malcolm to sample her treats

"Why'd you marry that white girl?"
"We met at school — she's brilliant."
"Pretty white girls always are. Even when they ain't."
Cookie throws shade at son Andre's choice of bride

"Don't forget to thank your Cookie on this historic occasion!"
Cookie busts in and interrupts Lucious' speech about Empire's IPO plans

"For a queen, you sure do keep a messy place. What you need is a good maid up in here."
Even though she's just out of prison, Cookie takes a dim view of gay son Jamal's apartment

"The Lucious Lyon I knew would tell those idiots the streets ain't made for everybody — that's why they made sidewalks."
Cookie serves her ex some real talk as he tries to memorize talking points for a media appearance defending rap lyrics

"You need to stop rappin' like you from the streets, 'cause you not about that life!"
Cookie sums up entitled son Hakeem's biggest artistic shortcoming

"Get rid of fake-ass Halle Berry. As long as she's around, I'm closed for business."
Cookie warns Lucious that she won't repeat their night of passion unless he breaks up with Anika

"Heyyy, sister girl!"
Cookie can't help but give a shout-out to the only fellow black woman (not named Anika) at her first Empire board meeting

"Tell him, Boo-Boo Kitty!"
"I'm...she...she..."
"Oh-oh, ah-ah-ah, she-she, b-b-b, oh now you can't speak English?!"
Cookie loves watching Anika stutter after her duplicitousness is exposed to Lucious

"You gonna Ray Rice me?! I've faced bigger in prison — with more talent, bitch!"
Cookie screams at the label's biggest rapper, Kid FoFo, when he threatens to slap her for calling him ugly and talentless

"I'm not one of your jailbird mates, OK?"
"I wish you were. You probably would've made a good bitch for me — you look like you got a long tongue."
Cookie isn't about to let her son's older girlfriend Camilla  get in a dig about her prison past

"Pay that Pakistani."
Cookie doesn't have time to be politically correct — or to reach for her wallet — after cabbing it from NYC to Lucious' suburban mansion

"Get out! You people always misbehave!"
"Take me to Philly! And what you mean by 'you people'? You black like me!"
Cookie (Taraji P. Henson) is not trying to hear her swarthy cab driver's racism

"I know what Hakeem needs, and it's not some debutante with a bougie ear who doesn't want to disturb her pearls."
Cookie sums up Anika's shortcomings as head of Empire's A&R team

"Do not withhold your blessings — even from hos that hire skanks to spy on me. In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen."
Cookie manages to get in a dig at romantic rival Anika — even as she's saying grace at a family dinner

"Oh, I get it. So Yoko Ono here wants to play on the song, too. Well, what can you do Yoko — can you play the tambourine?"
Cookie objects to her son's older lover expressing her opinion about his music career

"You want Cookie's nookie? Ditch the bitch!"
Cookie warns Lucious (again!) that she won't repeat their night of passion unless he breaks up with Anika

"Oh, and Anika, this is an ass."
Cookie makes it known to the younger woman that she may have won the battle, but she'll never win the war (of the booty)