Quotes Of The Week For Sept. 14, 2014

By Michael Slezak Sept. 14, 2014 2:43 am EST

SONS OF ANARCHY ADULT ENTERTAINMENT QUOTE

<H2>SONS OF ANARCHY</H2> “SAMCRO is throwing me a little homecoming bash tonight, at our new 'adult entertainment facility'…” “You talking about that sh—y porn warehouse on the docks?” “When you say it like that, it kind of loses all its magic." Jax (Charlie Hunnam) tries to put lipstick on his piggish operation

"SAMCRO is throwing me a little homecoming bash tonight, at our new 'adult entertainment facility'..."

"You talking about that sh—y porn warehouse on the docks?"

"When you say it like that, it kind of loses all its magic."

Jax (Charlie Hunnam) tries to put lipstick on his piggish operation

qotw-youre-the-worst-drugs

<H2>YOU'RE THE WORST</H2> "First you get married, then you get some bulls—t job, then you have kids, then you die. But what you don't know is that you've been dead the entire time." "I'm on a lot of drugs right now. Can you not tell me I'm dead?" Gretchen (Aya Cash) and Lindsay (Kether Donohue) having a pretty standard conversation about their futures

"First you get married, then you get some bulls—t job, then you have kids, then you die. But what you don't know is that you've been dead the entire time."

"I'm on a lot of drugs right now. Can you not tell me I'm dead?"

Gretchen (Aya Cash) and Lindsay (Kether Donohue) having a pretty standard conversation about their futures

qotw-youre-the-worst

<H2>YOU'RE THE WORST (Bonus Quote!)</H2> "Paul, did you hear? Jimmy took a photo of his dingus on every one of our disposable cameras.... What a classic heckle. Becca recognized it on account of it having been in her mouth so much." ‎Vernon (Todd Robert Anderson), as he, Paul and Becca review the wedding video

"Paul, did you hear? Jimmy took a photo of his dingus on every one of our disposable cameras.... What a classic heckle. Becca recognized it on account of it having been in her mouth so much."

‎Vernon (Todd Robert Anderson), as he, Paul and Becca review the wedding video

top-model-matthew-will-quote

<H2>AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL</H2> "I like women, but when I look at Will, do I think, 'Holy f--k, God did something really beautiful with this person'? Yeah!" Matthew saying something nice and non-judgmental on a reality show -- gasp!

"I like women, but when I look at Will, do I think, 'Holy f–k, God did something really beautiful with this person'? Yeah!"

Matthew saying something nice and non-judgmental on a reality show — gasp!

qotw-witches-of-east-end-house

<H2>WITCHES OF EAST END</H2> "This may sound crazy. Just roll with me for a second, OK? ... I'm a witch." "You're a witch. [Long, awkward silence.] Are you gonna drop a house on me?" Wendy (Madchen Amick) and Tommy (Ignacio Serricchio) having totally normal relationship problems

"This may sound crazy. Just roll with me for a second, OK? ... I'm a witch."

"You're a witch. [Long, awkward silence.] Are you gonna drop a house on me?"

Wendy (Madchen Amick) and Tommy (Ignacio Serricchio) having totally normal relationship problems

kelly and michael mindy ceramics quote

<H2>LIVE WITH KELLY AND MICHAEL</H2> "They want to go to bed with you. They want to go to ceramics class with us." Kelly Ripa, explaining to co-host Michael Strahan the difference between his female fans and those who consider herself and guest Mindy Kaling their imaginary BFFs

LIVE WITH KELLY AND MICHAEL

"They want to go to bed with you. They want to go to ceramics class with us."

Kelly Ripa, explaining to co-host Michael Strahan the difference between his female fans and those who consider herself and guest Mindy Kaling their imaginary BFFs

dallas-quote

<H2>DALLAS</H2> "You selfish bastard! Lying and cheating were the only two things you were good at -- and now you've failed at that, too!" Pamela (Julie Gonzalo) rides John Ross hard about getting bamboozled by Nicolas

"You selfish bastard! Lying and cheating were the only two things you were good at — and now you've failed at that, too!"

Pamela (Julie Gonzalo) rides John Ross hard about getting bamboozled by Nicolas

dallas-drug-deal-judith-light-quote

<H2>DALLAS (Bonus Quote!)</H2> "That was just the warm-up I needed. ... Now, let's go make us a drug deal!" Judith (Judith Light) headed meet the drug cartel with her entire family

"That was just the warm-up I needed. ... Now, let's go make us a drug deal!"

Judith (Judith Light) headed meet the drug cartel with her entire family

LEGENDS QUOTE

<H2>LEGENDS</H2> "Let's just say I never lost a gunfight for a lack of shootin'." Martin (Sean Bean), sharing with Maggie the credo of his "cowboy" legend, Len Barlow

LEGENDS

"Let's just say I never lost a gunfight for a lack of shootin'."

Martin (Sean Bean), sharing with Maggie the credo of his "cowboy" legend, Len Barlow

last-week-tonight-with-john-oliver-community-college-quote

<H2>LAST WEEK TONIGHT WITH JOHN OLIVER</H2> "Wow. Five to six times the cost of a community college. Plus, you don't even get to hang out with a study group full of lovable scamps for, let's say, six seasons and a movie." John Oliver, referencing Community while discussing the high cost of a for-profit college education

"Wow. Five to six times the cost of a community college. Plus, you don't even get to hang out with a study group full of lovable scamps for, let's say, six seasons and a movie."

John Oliver, referencing Community while discussing the high cost of a for-profit college education

Cleveland Browns v Pittsburgh Steelers

<H2>FOOTBALL NIGHT IN AMERICA</H2> “Everybody was Kung Fu fighting.” Dan Patrick on Pittsburgh Steeler Antonio Brown’s kick return, in which he stomped on the Browns’ Spencer Lanning

"Everybody was Kung Fu fighting."

Dan Patrick on Pittsburgh Steeler Antonio Brown's kick return, in which he stomped on the Browns' Spencer Lanning

San Francisco 49ers v Dallas Cowboys

<H2>FOOTBALL NIGHT IN AMERICA (Bonus Quote!)</H2> "They were terrible interceptions. Double teams, triple teams, and he is so reckless with the ball. If I’m a teammate of his, I’m very disappointed because it almost gets to a point like, ‘Are you serious? Do you even care the way we’re playing?’ because you don’t take care of the ball.” Rodney Harrison on Dallas QB Tony Romo’s performance against the 49ers

"They were terrible interceptions. Double teams, triple teams, and he is so reckless with the ball. If I'm a teammate of his, I'm very disappointed because it almost gets to a point like, 'Are you serious? Do you even care the way we're playing?' because you don't take care of the ball."

Rodney Harrison on Dallas QB Tony Romo's performance against the 49ers

big-brother-victoria-bros-before-blank-quote

<H2>BIG BROTHER</H2> "Bros before... blank." Nominated contestant Victoria, not quite finishing the well-known phrase that would describe the male contestants' Final Four alliance

"Bros before... blank."

Nominated contestant Victoria, not quite finishing the well-known phrase that would describe the male contestants' Final Four alliance

masters-of-sex-barbara-feast-of-vaginismus-quote

<H2>MASTERS OF SEX</H2> "Couldn't it be a holiday? Doesn't it sound like a holiday? The Feast of Vaginismus!" Barbara (Betsy Brandt), bringing some levity to her sexual dysfunction

"Couldn't it be a holiday? Doesn't it sound like a holiday? The Feast of Vaginismus!"

Barbara (Betsy Brandt), bringing some levity to her sexual dysfunction

projectrunway

<H2>PROJECT RUNWAY</H2> "This is nothing if not the season of the vagina." Tim Gunn questioning Amanda's placement of the red eye on her dress

"This is nothing if not the season of the vagina."

Tim Gunn questioning Amanda's placement of the red eye on her dress

Haven - Season 5

<H2>HAVEN</H2> “You try operating a supernatural doorway to another dimension using a vampire novel and a positive attitude!” Duke (Eric Balfour), defending MIA Jennifer’s supernatural skillz to Nathan

"You try operating a supernatural doorway to another dimension using a vampire novel and a positive attitude!"

Duke (Eric Balfour), defending MIA Jennifer's supernatural skillz to Nathan

qotw-teen-wolf-genitals

<H2>TEEN WOLF</H2> "I've had experiences south of the border that would knock the genitals off you boys" Coach Finstock (Orny Adams) making Scott, Stiles and Liam super uncomfortable, following their trip to Mexico

"I've had experiences south of the border that would knock the genitals off you boys"

Coach Finstock (Orny Adams) making Scott, Stiles and Liam super uncomfortable, following their trip to Mexico

rush-taller-than-father-quote

<H2>RUSH</H2> "You're a lot taller than your father." "Well, the dissimilarities don't end there." Will (Tom Ellis), always happy to distance himself from Daddy Dearest

"You're a lot taller than your father."

"Well, the dissimilarities don't end there."

Will (Tom Ellis), always happy to distance himself from Daddy Dearest

the-strain-setrakian-excellent-hearing-quote

<H2>THE STRAIN</H2> "Zach is going back with you. I'll meet you in an hour. I'm trusting you with him. Please take good care of him." "Of course." "I'm trusting you." "Yes. I know. My hearing is excellent." Ephraim (Corey Stoll), covering all his bases before leaving his son with Setrakian (David Bradley)

"Zach is going back with you. I'll meet you in an hour. I'm trusting you with him. Please take good care of him."

"Of course."

"I'm trusting you."

"Yes. I know. My hearing is excellent."

Ephraim (Corey Stoll), covering all his bases before leaving his son with Setrakian (David Bradley)

utopia radishes no teeth quote

<H2>UTOPIA</H2> "How's a man going to eat radishes with no teeth?" Dentally-challenged Red, raging against his fellow pioneers' grocery order

UTOPIA

"How's a man going to eat radishes with no teeth?"

Dentally-challenged Red, raging against his fellow pioneers' grocery order