Quotes Of The Week For Aug. 6, 2017

THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT

"Shut up! Just shush, OK? You're gonna get us all killed, and I just started The Handmaid's Tale."

Colbert is worried Trump will provoke North Korea before he has a chance to finish binge-watching the acclaimed Hulu drama

DIFFICULT PEOPLE

"I can't get over how weird it is that the best health care in New York City is at a Quiznos."

"Well, ever since Trump replaced the Department of Health with Jenny McCarthy's blog, nothing makes sense."

Julie (Julie Klausner) and Billy (Billy Eichner) face the harsh realities of Trumpcare

DIFFICULT PEOPLE (Bonus Quote!)

"I want a clown name, you know? Just a big, goofy, harmless clown. Someone who doesn't upset anybody, totally unmemorable, no edge. [Introduces himself to hospital patient] I'm Mario Lopez!"

Billy (Billy Eichner) uses the name of the least memorable celebrity he can think up when deciding on his clown moniker

GAME OF THRONES

"Who taught you how to do that?"

"No one."

Brienne (Gwendoline Christie) wonders where Arya (Maisie Williams) learned her combat skills — and the young Stark's response is so sneaky

LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS

"A Japanese company has created a new high-end fidget spinner that they say can spin for more than 12 minutes, beating the previous record for spinning held by Kellyanne Conway."

ORPHAN BLACK (Bonus Quote!)

Helena: "I finished my book. It's a story about my seestras. I call it Orphan Black."

Sarah: "Boy, that's weird. What is that? [Laughs]"

Cosima: "It's cool, 'cause we're all orphans, right?"

Sarah: "Yeah, that's what it is. Is that what it is?"

Alison: "We're not black!"

Helena (Tatiana Maslany) shares her memoirs with her sisters, who are just as confused about the title as some viewers might have been about the show's moniker

SNL: WEEKEND UPDATE SUMMER EDITION

"NBC has announced that it has renewed the revival of Will & Grace for a second season, and they did it before the first season even aired. You know, this is unbelievable. Every time NBC has even a mildly successful show, they overdo it and dilute the brand. And I'll have more thoughts about this on next week's Saturday Night Live: Weekend Update Summer Edition."

ORPHAN BLACK

"Who's this then? Got a new manservant already?"

"This is Youssef, my Uber driver."

Felix (Jordan Gavaris) learns just how far the mighty Rachel (Tatiana Maslany) has fallen

WYNONNA EARP

"... [but] this is a whole different Quidditch match."

"I don't need Star Trek references, I need you to tell me what to do!"

With tensions running high, things get Harry between Jeremy (Varun Saranga) and Wynonna (Melanie Scrofano)

ZOO

"I get it. Ten years ago, I was in your shoes."

"Pregnant?"

Jackson (James Wolk) didn't properly conceive the sentiment he offered Clem

BLOOD DRIVE

"Lady, quit the ching-chong bulls—t. Could you be 10 percent less Chinese for a second and help me stitch up my friend?"

"Well, that's not offensive at all. You white people come in here expecting a show, a 'mystic experience of the East,' and 'ching-chong bulls—t' rakes in the tips."

Grace (Christina Ochoa) needs less soothing tea and many more bandages from the Scar-side restaurant hostess (Pik-Sen Lim)

BROADCHURCH

"For God's sake, Caroline, how can you call yourself a feminist and let this pass?"

"I don't call myself a feminist."

"Please tell me you're not the future."

Maggie (Carolyn Pickles) cannot believe a "Hottest Bikinis" photo gallery is running alongside her report on sexual assault

MR. MERCEDES

"What the hell was that? You were rude to a customer." 

"Robi, I wasn't rude. He was nice enough to give me grooming tips, and I returned the favor."

[After Robi plays video of her pointed retort]

"My problem with smartphones is they don't capture context."

The boss' iPhone surveillance doesn't unnerve Lou (Breeda Wool) 

YOUNGER

"This will be a healing retreat, OK? Just you and me. It'll be like an episode of Girls, except we like each other."

Lauren (Molly Bernard) makes an HBO analogy to help Kelsey unplug during their mini-vacation

TWIN PEAKS

"What's the problem, Ray?"

"I killed that guy. He's the one I told you about."

"You didn't kill him too good, Ray."

The "resurrection" of Cooper's doppelgänger creates a problem for Renzo (Derek Mears) and Ray (George Griffith)

RAVEN'S HOME

"Where'd you come from?"

"Well, according to you, Dad, a long weekend and Hawaii. That's why my middle name's Mahalo!" 

Perhaps in the future, Chelsea (Anneliese van der Pol) shouldn't ask Levi (Jason Maybaum) so many questions when he enters a room