Quotes Of The Week For April 28, 2019

VEEP (Bonus Quote!)

"The Houston Chronicle is reporting that Kemi voters have somehow got the idea if they vote in the primaries, the IRS will audit them."

"I don't want to know how you did that."

"Oh, well, Facebook will walk you through it step by step."

Keith (Andy Daly) informs Selina (Julia Louis Dreyfus) that Facebook is helping manipulate the electorate 

VEEP

"Alright, Congressman Slenderman... your particular brand of crazy is polling very high in Florida, especially with melanoma-loving swamp f—kers, storm-ravaged climate deniers and deadbeat dads. [Pause] And deadbeat moms."

"Those are my peeps!"

Amy (Anna Chlumsky) gives Jonah (Timothy Simons) the latest polling data

MODERN FAMILY

"If one minute ago is the same as zero minutes ago, then before is now and now is after!"

"Usually when I hear people talking like this, we're walking through a Taco Bell drive-through."

Alex's (Ariel Winter) mathematics conundrum leaves big sister Haley (Sarah Hyland) dazed and confused

VANDERPUMP RULES

"Do you love me?" 

"Don't even..."

"Dude, answer the f—king question. Stop. Answer the question."

"No."

"Answer it!"

"I just did! No!"

"You don't love me? You don't love me? Really? So you don't love me?"

Scheana can't take a very clear no for an answer from sorta boyfriend Adam

KILLING EVE

"Wow, you look amazing! Can I take a picture of you for my Instagram?"

"No. No, of course not. Don't be pathetic. Get a real life!"

Villanelle (Jodie Comer) promptly shuts down a social media-happy admirer (Zoë Pastelle Holthuizen)

RIVERDALE

"Prom is this weekend? We still do things like that here?"

Veronica (Camila Mendes) is confused when presented with normal high school customs on a show like Riverdale

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK CITY

"Is that foie gras or fish tacos? I don't feel like putting my glasses on, because some cute guys are here."

Sonja will just take whatever's first on the menu, thanks

JANE THE VIRGIN

"Did you try the vibrator? I'm telling you, just think of Barack Obama and turn it on."

Jane's grandma Alba (Ivonne Coll) confesses her, um, affection for our former president

GAME OF THRONES

"Get down to the crypt."

"I'm not abandoning my people."

"[handing Sansa her dagger] Take this and go."

"I don't know how to use it."

"Stick 'em with the pointy end."

Arya (Maisie Williams) passes down some wisdom she received long ago to sister Sansa (Sophie Turner)

THE KIDS ARE ALRIGHT

"It's beautiful and natural. I did the same thing when I was your age."

"I doubt with the same level of pageantry."

Lawrence (Sam Straley) thinks he and Timmy (Jack Gore) are talking about masturbation; Timmy thinks they're talking about his puppet shows

THE KIDS ARE ALRIGHT (Bonus Quote!)

"Bad girls are fun, but turning a good girl bad... that's when they write songs about you."

Joey (Christopher Paul Richards), naughty by nature

GREY'S ANATOMY

"If you leave here, your heart could stop."

"If I stay here, my heart could... "

Ripley (Brett Tucker), stopping himself from going full-on cheesy in the wake of a warning from Maggie (Kelly McCreary)

GREY'S ANATOMY (Bonus Quote!)

"You could lose your license, or worse, you could lose your children!"

"I'm not gonna lose my children."

"They don't put your kids in jail with you, Meredith!"

"Unless you come here seeking asylum."

Meredith (Ellen Pompeo) and Richard (James Pickens Jr.), arguing over her plan to commit insurance fraud to help a family seeking asylum in the United States

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE

"Now scram, I've got a case report to type up."

"There's no way you're using a keyboard with your hands like that. Ooh, I can help you! Not to brag, but back at typing camp, everyone called me 'The Finger Queen.' Oh my God, that sounds really dirty. I swear that's not what it meant."

"Yeah, it was typing camp. Nobody thinks that."

Amy (Melissa Fumero) comes to a startling realization about her camp nickname while offering to help a temporarily disabled Rosa (Stephanie Beatriz)

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE (Bonus Quote!)

"It's such a classic Boyle trait not to recognize talent. My cousin Susan didn't know she could sing until her late forties."

Charles (Joe Lo Truglio) name-drops a very Talent-ed relative

ABBY'S

"Um, anybody want to do a shot of tequila, on the house?"

"Whoa, tequila — what's the occasion?"

"Why do we need an occasion? You know what they say: It's a white girl's birthday somewhere!"

Abby (Natalie Morales) trots out free booze to change the topic

THE FLASH

"I am clearly the Samantha of this group, right?"

"Yeah, OK, Miranda."

"Ugh!"

...and Cisco (Carlos Valdes) couldn't help but wonder, "What did Iris mean by that?"

THE FLASH (Bonus Quote!)

"I've done this exact same thing before. 'We need to hack a weapon, let's kidnap Cisco.' I mean, what, did you join a Rogues cover band or something?"

Cisco (Carlos Valdes) lets Nora know that her scheme isn't original, at all

NCIS

"Murder is murder. If somebody killed this guy, it's wrong, Jimmy."

"But he was, like, an exceptionally bad person."

Kasie (Diona Reasonover) can't make Jimmy (Brian Dietzen) shed any tears for a murdered cretin

SEAL TEAM

"You're wrong. Yasin Khan is not like bin Laden. He's 10 times the man, 10 times the leader and he will do to your country 10 times the damage!" 

"No, he won't. Because we're going to kill him."

Mandy (Jessica Paré) tells a captured goon how it's gonna be

BLUE BLOODS

"So you think yours is the evil twin?"

Baez (Marissa Ramirez) knows of what she speaks, having once lived in Port Charles

MACGYVER

"If you need to cry, cry. If you need to burn something, I can make you some matches."

Mac (Lucas Till) offers a heartbroken Riley his particular set of skills