Quotes Of The Week For Oct. 19, 2014

"Cyber-sleuthing is kind of my forte. If I can find out the true length of Cee Lo's arms, I can def find out some dirt on Joan."

Eliza (Karen Gillan), starting the process of digging up intel on a co-worker in order to forge an unlikely friendship

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"That old white ladies need to stop co-opting a sister's skills in a futile attempt to turn their Caucasian non booties into juicy doubles?"

Eliza (Karen Gillan) and Charmonique (Da'Vine Joy Randolph) see things a little differently while "Yelp-stalking" a co-worker and discovering her obsession with a cardio dance class

"That is a Cobalt-encrypted workstation — you better not be using it to tweet."

Felicity (Emily Bett Rickards) doesn't like Roy's mitts on her toys

"You're gonna have to tell your students your dog ate their homework."

Reese (Jim Caviezel), upon hearing that Bear got his paws on Professor Whistler's ‎papers

"Sadistic larceny! This is typical of the Italians — a gaudy hillock of overheated milk atop a thimble's worth of coffee. Very well.

[Takes a sip.]

Oooh. I could see why this might be popular."

Ichabod (Tom Mison) rails against, then falls under the spell of, cappucino

"You are the biblical Horseman of War. You didn't think that was relevant?"

Frank (Orlando Jones) questions the judgment of his lawyer, Henry (John Noble)

"Sorry — car trouble."

Jake (Scott Foley) apologizing to Liv for being late for dinner — while leaving out a small detail or two

"You married?"

"I was. Five years ago."

"....When you were 10?"

Gemma (Katey Sagal), surprised by young waitress Gertie's (Lea Michele) romantic past

"Who's running your operation? Where are you based?"

"Currently? About five feet from kicking your ass."

Bakshi (Simon Kassianides) should learn not to ask Melinda May (Ming-Na Wen) questions he might not want answers to!

"We found a place that has Australian male strippers!"

"We wanna see if they twirl their junk in the other direction!"

An extremely drunk Amy (Mayim Bialik) and Bernadette (Melissa Rauch), trying to persuade Penny (Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting) to join them in their Las Vegas party antics

"When do you think he'll realize he didn't take his clothes...?"

Dr. Wells (Tom Cavanagh) notes that fleet-footed Barry left S.T.A.R. Labs in too much of a hurry

"Writing is how I pay the bills, but my passion is beer pong."

Scandal/Grey's Anatomy creator Shonda Rhimes, losing gracefully to Peter (Adam Pally) and Jeremy (Ed Weeks) in a Dartmouth beer-pong tournament

"I still don't think we should have brought a gift to a second wedding. It's rewarding failure."

​Danny (Chris Messina) offering yet another pearl of wisdom​

"For the longest time he was a hermit who didn't say 'Boo.' He worked at home, he never went dancing. Must've gone through a lot of hand lotion — if you know what I mean."

"I wish I didn't."

Laura (Debra Messing) cringes at an elderly woman's (Sondra James) description of her formerly chaste neighbor

"Call me Leia."

"As in the princess."

"I hate Star Wars."

"Nobody 'hates' Star Wars!"

"You do when you're named Leia."

This is not the nickname you are looking for, FBI Agent Pendergast (Stephanie Jacobsen) tells DiNozzo (Michael Weatherly)

"Yes, well, I don't like my kids seeing who I sleep with: How could they get out in time for their abortions?"

A clearly rattled Alicia (Julianna Margulies), who moments ago learned from her potential campaign manager that her son's girlfriend had secretly terminated a pregnancy, sarcastically explains why there's a photo of her friend and client Finn Polmar exiting her apartment before 9 a.m.

"I should've spanked you, you bitch."

Veronica (Stockard Channing), course-correcting her forced apology for spanking a child in a department store, after his mother demands a $50,000 cash settlement

"What is that smell?"

"Betrayal!"

Phil (Ty Burrell), who has just literally thrown himself on a cologne stinkbomb, reacts overdramatically to the revelation that Claire (Julie Bowen) has been staying in a hotel room separate from the one where her family is crammed

"He did this thing to my ass that made my eyes water."

Paxton (Niko Pepaj), giving a friend/conspirator a post-mortem on his copier-room tryst with salacious law student Connor (Jack Falahee)

"What? Are you kidding? If this were my husband, I'd never be able to walk straight again."

Marren (Elizabeth Perkins), glimpsing a photo of Annalise's hubby Sam (Tom Verica) and marveling at all the sexy

"We can get on a plane right now and settle this."

"You see, that is why I love you, buddy. You're always willing to risk both our lives at any given moment."

Steve (Alex O'Loughlin) is itching to settle Danny's (Scott Caan) ransom drama

"I understand the three beans, but what's the surprise?"

Angel Hannah (Erica Carroll) is puzzled by the human dish "three bean surprise"