Quotes Of The Week For June 12, 2016

"'I am Prince Boshni from Nairobi.'"

"Scam."

"No scam. Says right here: 'This no scam.' ... He sent me his picture."

"That's Morgan Freeman."

Cory and Topanga are given reason to believe the prince offering to send Auggie money doesn't actually exist

"Let's pretend you're Hitler. If I'm friends with you—"

"Let's not pretend I'm Hitler."

"OK, well, let's say you're Donald Trump or someone like that. If I hang out with you, it's going to make me look bad, too, right? So let's be... not so much like Hitler, and be more like Mussolini, you know? Or Bush."

Daniel tries to explain to Chad why he can't be seen hanging around the latter man — using the most unflattering historical analogies possible

"I really hate that bitch."

Watching Alice Sands on the news, Angela (Lorraine Bracco) speaks for every one of us

"In a few days, everything that's inside me that matters will have oozed out through my orifices... I'm a dead man. It's a very unusual feeling."

"Would you like a Coke?"

Having infected himself with Lassa fever, Crandall (Dylan Baker) is in no mood for a "smile"

"I am the queen of the frickin' fairies, and I need you to get out of my fairy fort!"

Quinn (Constance Zimmer) kicks Chet out of her office

"Suck it up, Goldberg. If we fired everyone we had sex with, we wouldn't have a crew."

Quinn (Constance Zimmer) offers cold comfort to Rachel after a brutal Jeremy diss

"The 2016 general election match is all set. It will be Hillary Clinton versus Donald Trump versus America's gag reflex."

"Everyone knows about stress eating. Look at Oprah. Bitch has more money than God, and that's the only thing she hasn't been able to conquer!"

Reza, chowing down before doing stand-up for the first time

"Think of me only when you dance."

"I shall have to dance more often."

Mr. Lyle (Simon Russell Beale) and Vanessa (Eva Green) sharing the fondest of farewells

"You don't blink at that."

"I never blink."

Vanessa (Eva Green), not in the slightest surprised to learn from Catriona (Perdita Weeks) that Dracula is a vampire

"Hey, I didn't see either of you yestertoday."

Jennifer (Emily Hampshire) greets Cole during yet another time loop

"You should teach Psych."

Psychiatrist Valerie is unamused when brother Alex (Tommy Dewey) suggests she take part in the home-schooling of her daughter

"The Blacklist... the girl I heard was just killed. Thank God... she's terrible."

Martha Stewart is a fan of NBC's James Spader drama, but no fan of Elizabeth Keen

"Orange Is the New Black... I do not watch."

"Too close to home?"

Chelsea thinks she knows why Stewart hasn't gotten around to watching Netflix's acclaimed prison dramedy

"You look like roast pig."

Helena (Tatiana Maslany) discovers a tied-up and gagged Donnie

"Earlier today it was announced that authorities on Staten Island are going to try to curb their deer population by giving the animals vasectomies. When asked how much it would cost, officials said they're not sure, but it will have to be done under a buck."

"Thanks for getting me all wet."

Sinfully mischievous Tulip (Ruth Negga), after getting her preacher ex to baptize her

"Well, this is festive! Who are we executing today?"

Theo (Jason Patric) takes a dim view of the latest military march making its way through downtown

"In life, Root was your conduit, so despite my reservations, it seems only appropriate that she continue in that function. And I must confess — hers is a voice I miss. Deeply."

"Aww, Harry. You sure know how to make a girl feel special."

Finch (Michael Emerson) comes to accept the late Ms. Groves' voice as The Machine's

"Take a shot at the president, now!"

"Whatever you say, Wilkes Booth..."

[Shaw fires and hits a statue adjacent to the president, alarming Reese]

"You know I didn't mean that literally, right?"

"I missed on purpose, jackass."

Reese (Jim Caviezel) and Shaw (Sarah Shahi) shoot at POTUS to save his life

"This is the group that needs a bottle of wine in a glass. I mean, next year, she's gonna give out Skinny Girl enemas, so we can just put the alcohol right up our ass."

Bethenny, after Dorinda gives their gal pals glasses that hold an entire bottle of wine