Quotes Of The Week For Sept. 6, 2015

"Can you punch in?"

"'Punch in'? This ain't NASA."

Finally, a TV show acknowledges that not every random security camera is HD with Chloe O'Brian-like zoom capabilities

"Toward the end of the night, Miley actually let a curtain slip to expose her breast on live TV. Miley immediately apologized... to her other breast.

'Next year is your year!'"

For those who didn't watch the MTV Video Music Awards, Jimmy Fallon provides a nice refresher on host Miley Cyrus' antics

"Turns out, not many people want to enjoy a lap dance with a cold glass of apple juice."

Austin (Teddy Sears), explaining how losing his liquor license doomed his strip club

"I don't know who you think you're talking to, but I'll try the Pradas next."

All Angela (Portia Doubleday) wanted from the sales clerk was a replacement for her blood-stained shoes, not a lecture about her E Corp job

"You're starting to attract attention. i recommend you get one of those Bluetooth headsets, that way people assume you're just the local douche."

Mr. Robot (Christian Slater) cautions Elliot about arguing in public with a figment of his imagination

"You need to pour your cereal in the morning fiercely . You need to brush your teeth fiercely . You need to go do No. 1 fiercely."

Tyra Banks instructs Courtney on how to fierce up her game

"Oh my God. What if I'm pregnant?!"

"You're not pregnant."

"There's no way I'm pregnant."

"No."

"But then there's that TV show of women that went to the bathroom one day, and surprise! You don't have to poop. You're a human mother."

During a pregnancy scare, Julie (Julie Klausner) offers Billy (Billy Eichner) a pretty spot-on description of TLC's reality show I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant

"That's it — Florida. Let's go to Clearwater."

"Why...? Never in the course of human events has Clearwater, Florida ever been the solution to anything."

Questioning Oz's call, Mitch (Billy Burke) obviously has opinions about the home of the Echo Sails Motel

"I feel like Miley Cyrus on a wreckin' ball."

James describes his unpleasant experience during the latest Head of Household endurance competition

"It's lasagna, my mother's recipe. It'll make that six-pack into a five."

Angela (Lorraine Bracco) makes the acquaintance of Jane's new bodyguard

"Watching Joe and Samantha together is like pouring generic ketchup on filet mignon. It just doesn't work and is offensive to everyone."

Dan, ragging on the couple that everyone loves to hate hates

"Who is that muppet?"

Frankie's (Katharine Isabelle) description of Chloe (Priscilla Faia) is priceless

"That Dr. Barrett is like McDreamy."

"McDreamy's dead, Mom."

"Well, he's like McSteamy."

"Dead, too." ...

"What about George O'Malley? Is he still alive?"

April (Italia Ricci) breaks some bad news to her mom (Mary Page Keller) about the survival rate on Grey's Anatomy

"Somebody has got to step up and take over this family. Will it be you, the chubby brave one? Or you, the skinny one who forgot where he comes from?"

"Wait a minute, no. I watch TV. Dad is trying to Empire us!"

Bobby (Lil Rel) is wise to hospitalized Dad's Lucious-like plan

"Say goodbye to your bed, and hello to the embarrassment."

Jelaminah attempts to get revenge on rival Jasmine (who threw beer at her) by sullying her bed with deodorant powder and some unidentifiable liquid

"Sometimes a girl's got to smudge her lipstick!"

Cat Deeley weighs in on the passionate kiss between contestant Hailee and all-star Robert at the end of their routine

"It all happened so fast! One minute, I'm doing a striptease for your mom, the next, I'm in a bush having a naked staring contest with a squirrel."

A frantic — and naked — Jimmy (Nathaniel Buzolic) calls Nate for a fresh pair of clothes

"Yes, of course, there's bear DNA. Bear and dog, you can't leave them alone."

Kelly Ripa snarks about folks who think Instagram sensation Tonky the Shar Pei is part teddy bear

"Today it's a gift basket — tomorrow it's a boiled bunny!" \

Joss (Jes Macallan) is not excited about her 'welcome home from prison' gift from Calista (AKA the woman who got her put in the slammer in the first place)

"I learned that, if you're Asian and try to be black, it's racist, but if you're black and try to be Asian, it's a compliment. So thank you, Lil Kim!"

Margaret Cho, serving up political incorrectness as a guest panelist on E!'s red-carpet commentary show