Quotes Of The Week For Feb. 7, 2016

"Here's a quick announcement that tryouts for this year's cheerleading squad are about to begin. We all know nothing makes a cheerleader more nervous than when she's late!"

Principal McGee (Ana Gasteyer) has no idea she's making a double entendre about teen pregnancy over morning announcements

"The Upright Position, as read by Kristen Bell. I've always felt a kind of connection to her."

We wonder why, Liv (Rose McIver)...

"Besides Taylor, you're the only person who was at that party who's claiming there was a rape."

"How many people have to say it's a rape before you care?"

Evy (Angelique Rivera) gets fed up with the investigators in Taylor's sexual assault case

"I'm not taking him to a shelter. I'm supposed to help him turn his life around. If I don't, he's probably gonna end up thinking all people are bad and very likely could end up eating somebody's baby. And he would be right to do it, because people have turned their back on him."

Martha (Martha Kelly) is not about to part ways with her dog just because he bit her arm (and just because, unbeknownst to her, he's actually a coyote)

"I've seen people with podcasts less desperate for approval."

Han (Matthew Moy), watching in horror as Caroline tries way too hard to make friends

"Who's the best hacker in the world, people!"

"[in unison] Felicity Smoak."

"That's not friendship."

Barry (Grant Gustin) and Caitlin (Danielle Panabaker) deflate Cisco's (Carlos Valdes) ego

"What the hell are you doing here? Aside from trying to send me to therapy."

Iris' body-hugging street race outfit is almost too much for her newfound brother Wally (Keiynan Lonsdale) to handle

"The boys asleep?"

"Just about — we read a few chapters. We're at a good part. That Dolores Umbridge sure is a bitch."

Every single Harry Potter reader in the world feels your pain, Axe (Damian Lewis)

"Jennifer, I have been really patient with you through this. But what you don't know about me should really frighten you."

"Oh, so you're the bogeyman?"

"Worse. I'm a woman. And what I can think of, a man, bogey or otherwise, can't hold a candle to."

Katheryn (Renee Lawless), making the D.A. (Shari Headley) extra glad that prison bars separate them

"I was thinking about seeing a movie tonight. You want to go? Oh, never mind. I forgot you and your friends ironically watch Empire."

"Yeah, it's not ironic for me anymore. Taraji's my everything."

Perhaps it was Taraji P. Henson's Golden Globe win that changed everything for Heather (Vella Lovell)?

"She's as strong as me, she flies like me, she fights like me... Except for the fact that she talks like Cookie Monster, she is exactly like me."

Kara (Melissa Benoist) debriefs Alex and Hank on her bizarre doppelgänger

"Who's the blackmailer?"

"I don't know. I've never met him. But he calls himself The Calculator."

"[Laughs] This is what happens when the bad guys name themselves."

As far as Felicity (Emily Bett Rickards) is concerned, The Calculator is no Cisco

"The Calculator now has everything he needs to melt the Internet. I love the Internet."

You're not alone, Felicity (Emily Bett Rickards)!

"Your king made a sandcastle! Praise him!"

""Would you like me to write you a theme song, my king?"

"Shut up, Menken."

Young Gareth (Sonnyboy Skelton) silences a suck-up — and ancestor of a future Oscar winner?

"I've been locked in a dungeon and a jewelry box. I've been engaged to my 11-year-old cousin. I spent the better part of two years in the same outfit. I am getting my happy ending!"

Well, when you put it like that... Isabella (Karen David) indeed deserves better days

"Well this is different. I didn't have this guy pegged as the Eyes Wide Shut type."

Mick (Dominic Purcell) crashes Vandal Savage's ritualistic gathering

"Are they...?"

"Yep. Love wins."

Pete (David Call) and Eliot (Hale Appleman) witness two reunited books getting it on — for real

"OK. I dipped my toe, I dipped my face.... Everything got dipped."

"What?"

"It just happened. One thing led to another... You know how it is."

"No. I don't. I'm Team Penis, always have been."

Christy (Anna Faris) is shocked to learn Bonnie (Allison Janney) is back to bi

"Did you know my mom's amends come with a happy ending?"

Christy (Anna Faris) can't resist spilling to her AA buddies that Bonnie's apology to old flame Jeanine resulted in an ill-advised hookup

"Birth control pills are useless against STDs. Whoever you are with needs to suit up every time, always. No pulling up the drawbridge early."

Sheriff Jody Mills (Kim Rhodes) gives her "daughters" Alex and Claire safe sex advice during an awkward dinner with the Winchesters

"I am not adding 'Marco-mentum' to my vocabulary. I just learned 'bae,' and I'm pretty sure I'm using it wrong — it's not short for maybe, right?"

Seth is not hopping on board CNN anchor Chris Cuomo's new word describing Republican presidential candidate Marco Rubio's third-place showing in Iowa

"You gave him a cold?"

"An intense cold."

Peggy (Hayley Atwell) underwhelms Sousa (Enver Gjokaj) with the "malaria" she gave a grunt

"Are you traveling with any hazardous materials?"

"No. Just the bag of fireworks, a pocket knife and some crème brûlée torches we're giving as gifts."

"That's all fine! Just as long as you're not bringing any citrus."

Louis' (Randall Park) eyebrow-raising packing list really makes us realize how much TSA guidelines have changed since the '90s

"Deirdre brought oranges and tangerines."

"I have three trees in my yard that are really flourishing. My secret? Human urine."

"Carol-Joan brought illegal fireworks."

"My son is really troubled, but he knows where to buy explosives."

Louis (Randall Park) makes Jessica's Chinese New Year dreams come true with some help from their neighbors (Rachel Cannon and Stacey Scowley)

"Wow, look at all these guys — it's like shopping on Amazon!"

Alba (Ivonne Coll) can see some of the advantages of Jane's online dating experiment

"Are you out of your tiny little mind, Mrs. Florrick?"

"You don't need to say 'tiny' when you say 'little.' One or the other will do."

Alicia (Julianna Margulies) doesn't have time for Judge Schakowsky's (Christopher McDonald) threats — or his redundant use of adjectives