Quotes Of The Week For March 6, 2016

"Way to resist the magical penis."

"It is magical. And pretty."

Michaela (Aja Naomi King) is a fan of Caleb's anatomy, no matter what snarky comments Connor (Jack Falahee) makes

"Jada boycotting the Oscars is like me boycotting Rihanna's panties. I wasn't invited!"

Chris Rock throws shade at Jada Pinkett Smith's very public decision not to attend the ceremony over the #OscarsSoWhite controversy

"I know when I'm not wanted. That's why I high-tailed it out of my mother's womb."

Max (Kat Dennings) gets disinvited from the meeting about Caroline's biopic

"When you were pouring the Bisquick, were you trying to make pancakes?"

Abraham (Michael Cudlitz), asking, as only he could, whether Glenn had actually intended to get Maggie pregnant

"Mom's never let us go in a Jacuzzi. She calls it the Devil's chowder."

"It's 'cause of the nudity and bacteria."

Jimmy (Matt Shively) and Pat (Jay R. Ferguson), explaining to a realtor why they're so excited about the amenities of a potential bachelor pad

"Her name is Leah, met her last week. The first Triple-T I've been with in about three years."

"Triple-T? Do I even wanna know?"

"Tall. Tasty. Trust-funded. She could buy and sell us all 10 times over."

Tony (Michael Weatherly) briefs Bishop (Emily Wickersham) and McGee on his hot date for the night

"Today is World Compliment Day. Said Kanye West, 'Kim, you're a very lucky woman.'"

"You know what your problem is? You have no emotional intelligence."

"What does that mean?"

"Exactly."

Mariana (Cierra Ramirez) schools her suitor, Nick (Louis Hunter)

"You're crazy. Lauren B.'s gonna go all the way."

Well, now we know Agents Zapata (Audrey Esparza) and Reade watch The Bachelor in their off-time...

"Jarvis! You just hit a woman with my car. She's a two-time Oscar nominee."

"Ms. Frost is quite resilient. She's fine, trust me."

Howard Stark (Dominic Cooper) is more about hitting on actresses than hit-and-running them

"May I ask a question? Is there a portrait of you in every bedroom...?"

"It's a collection. Every one is different. [Peggy gives a disapproving look] What? Art makes a house a home."

Be sure to watch for Dr. Jason Wilkes' (Reggie Austin) Yelp review of Casa Stark!

"Don't schedule your cervical cancer just yet, Texans — a tie is not good news!"

Our host weighs in on the effect a deadlocked Supreme Court might have on the future of a Texas abortion bill that's resulted in the closure of many women's health-care clinics

"Do I look like a Time Master to you?"

"You look like the kind of man who'd throw his grandmother out an airlock."

The time pirates' leader gets a quick (and accurate!) read on Mick (Dominic Purcell)

"How many blacks do you consider a friend?"

"A.C.! And he's darker than I am!"

Johnny Cochran (Courtney B. Vance) labors to make his client — aka "The Mayor of Brentwood" (Cuba Gooding Jr.) — see the light

"Is this the clean-up crew?"

"That's me..."

"Well, you got a hell of a lot of cleaning up to do when you get here."

Derek (Shemar Moore) phones his abductors' associate with news of a very messy body count