Quotes Of The Week For Oct. 15, 2017
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THE GOOD PLACE
"When I'm really upset, concentrating on a table of contents helps me calm down. It's like a menu... but the food is words."
Chidi (William Jackson Harper) settles his nerves by dorking out with an ethics textbook
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BROOKLYN NINE-NINE
"Helloooooo! Blessed be the fruit, baby!"
"Hitchcock, you watch that show?"
"Watch what? That's my pick-up line."
Hitchcock (Dirk Blocker) knows just how to hit on a room full of handmaids — despite never having seen The Handmaid's Tale
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THE LAST MAN ON EARTH
"Pamela, our sex was... the second best I ever had."
"Oh, Glenn! I'll always remember you said that."
Glenn (Chris Elliott) apparently knows just what to say to make Pamela (Kristen Wiig) swoon
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JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE
"I have nothing but the highest regard for all of the talk-show men and women — even Jimmy Fallon."
David Letterman appears to throw shade at the current Tonight Show host
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FAMILY GUY
"I have milked all the goats."
"Peter, all those goats are males."
"Well, the buckets are full, and the goats are happy. I just hope word doesn't get around."
Peter (Seth MacFarlane) to Lois (Alex Borstein), right before, as you can see, word got around
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SUPERNATURAL
"Now when I come to a moral crossroad, I ask myself, 'What would Mr. Rogers do?' And as soon as I nail that, I'm usually good."
Donatello (Keith Szarabajka) explains how he handles a moral quandary without a soul
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AMERICAN HORROR STORY: CULT
"History may change, but herstory always repeats itself."
Bebe Babbitt (Frances Conroy) drops a truth bomb on the female members of Kai's cult
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WILL & GRACE
"Jesse Tyler Ferguson, she is fabulous!"
Jack's gay grandson Skip (Jet Jurgensmeyer) reacts to meeting Karen for the very first time
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THE MINDY PROJECT
"The central message of Frozen is that love between siblings conquers all — just like Game of Thrones."
Mindy (Mindy Kaling) urges Duncan Deslaurier (Jay Duplass) to let his beef with his brother go
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SUPERSTORE
"Sorry. I'm not being raped. I was just trying to play 'Camptown Races.'"
Sandra (Kaliko Kauahi) apologizes for making inappropriate use of her rape whistle kazoo
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GREAT NEWS
"Did you see This Is Us last night? Spoiler alert: I cried! Sometimes I get confused, though. Which ones are in the present timeline, and which one is my reflection in the TV?"
Safe to assume Carol's (Andrea Martin) confusing her reflection with present-day Rebecca?
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GOTHAM
"Wow, you don't get much sun."
Nygma (Cory Michael Smith) processes Butch's new "Grundy" look
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NCIS
"People usually comment on it."
"Your flip-phone? I love it. It's 'vintage.' It goes with your style. The decor, the brick TV.... It's all kind of retro chic. It's very 'in' right now."
"I didn't know it went out."
Jack (Maria Bello) takes note of Gibbs' (Mark Harmon) timeless "style"
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SUPERGIRL
"The human mind reacts to music very much like other stimuli — taste, smells. If the song doesn't sound exactly the way you're used to hearing it, you enjoy it less, and are therefore less likely to get jiggy on the dance floor. I say DJ."
"Did you just say 'jiggy'?"
J'onn (David Harewood) uses his Martian intellect to help Alex and Maggie decide between a band or a DJ for their wedding — and Winn (Jeremy Jordan) has the same reaction as the audience
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NCIS: LOS ANGELES
"Hey, could you stand on Lieutenant Elder's mark?"
"How's that?"
"A little left..."
[Deeks moves]
"Your other left, sweetheart."
Kensi's (Daniela Ruah) fiancé is pretty
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THE DAILY SHOW WITH TREVOR NOAH
"If there were two guys at a bar, and one was [Harvey] Weinstein and the other was Steve Bannon, I'd go home with cyanide."
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DC'S LEGENDS OF TOMORROW
"I refuse to set foot on the Titanic! Whoever built that ship should be shot."
Stein serves up a nod to portrayer Victor Garber's film role as shipbuilder Thomas Andrews
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THE FLASH
"I was engaged to somebody else..."
"He's actually dead, too."
[Therapist] "Oh, you two have had to deal with a lot of trauma."
"Eddie. And Ronnie..."
"A little."
"My mom. H.R..."
"Not too much."
"Laurel. Snart..."
"We've been to a few funerals."
Iris (Candice Patton) and Barry's (Grant Gustin) road to the altar has been an oddly morbid one
AMIRAH VANN
HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER
"You always this fun?"
After Annalise majorly screws up during President Hargrove's divorce mediation, Tegan (Amirah Vann) has a question for the former professor
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THE BIG BANG THEORY
"I already have a little version of Howard."
Bernadette (Melissa Rauch) shares her disappointment upon learning that her unborn baby is a boy
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THIS IS US
"Did Grandma shoot him?"
Young Randall (Lonnie Chavis) jumps to an extreme conclusion about Martin Luther King Jr.'s death during a discussion with his parents about Grandma's subtle racism
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THE FLASH (Bonus Quote!)
"Hello, mamacita. They don't make them like you anymore."
"What the hell?!"
"Easy, it's just the Motherboard of the Month, July of '07, OK? Look at her. [Roars appreciatively]"
"Kind of wish it was a girl."
Gypsy (Jessica Camacho) discovers her boyfriend Cisco (Carlos Valdes) with his stash of old computer magazines