Quotes Of The Week For Nov. 26, 2017

THE WALKING DEAD

"If you can't be the king, then do what you do best and play the part. I have to act every day. It used to bother me. But this is who I am, and I am still standing. We just have to act like everything is normal until it is. It's what they need, and it's what you have to give them."

Carol (Melissa McBride), trying in vain to convince Ezekiel to shake off his grief and step up for his subjects

CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM

"People will watch anything with 'Chicago' in the title. It's been proven."

NBC censor Bridget (Lauren Graham) reveals a cold, hard truth about the TV biz

LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS

"As a general rule, if you're giving someone a dildo at work, you're the dildo at work."

YOUNG SHELDON

"I don't want to die. I've only kissed one boy so far."

"What?!"

"Relax! It was a long time ago."

Nine-year-old Missy (Raegan Revord) kisses and tells — and Mary (Zoe Perry) is none too pleased

THE BIG BANG THEORY

"I know you were single back then, but that is a lot of por—"

"Science! A lot of science!"

"Wow. You were really into Asian science."

Raj (Kunal Nayyar) and Leonard (Johnny Galecki) don't do Howard (Simon Helberg) any favors when he tries to prevent Bernadette from hearing about the erotic, umm, science collection on his old laptop

THE BIG BANG THEORY (Bonus Quote!)

"[Zack] doesn't know how to steal Bitcoin. He waves at trucks."

Penny (Kaley Cuoco) defends her dimwitted ex when Howard suspects he tampered with their online currency

MOM

"You know the worst part of being in a wheelchair?"

[Awkward silence]

Temporarily handicapped Bonnie (Allison Janney) seems to have forgotten who she's talking to

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE

"No more spoilers. Send it over to me, and I am gonna stay up all night reading it."

"It's only 150 pages."

"I'm gonna stay up all of the next three nights reading it."

Extremely slow reader Jake (Andy Samberg) is excited to read Terry's (Terry Crews) first book

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE (Bonus Quote!)

"I would've thought you'd be flush with cash from the Skyfire TV series. Oh, wait, that's right. The CW passed!"

Rival author Landon Lawson (Rob Huebel) gets in a sick burn at DC Parlov's expense

CONAN

"A sixth woman has come forward to accuse Senator Al Franken of sexually inappropriate behavior. On the plus side, if Franken resigns as senator from Minnesota, he could still be elected the senator from Alabama."

SURVIVOR

"Tribal council is like prom, right? Like you go with somebody you think you really like, and then at the end of the night, you may leave with somebody else. Now, I've never been to prom, but I can imagine that's what it's like."

Ryan, missing only the tux and a boutonnière

THE ORVILLE

"Ah, dude, it stinks down here, what the hell have you been eating?  Is that a boot?"

Yaphit (voiced by Norm Macdonald) rummages around inside Bortus' belly

THE MARVELOUS MRS. MAISEL

"So... you stole Bob Newhart's act."

"It's fine. Everybody does it. It's no big deal."

"It's not? Because when I found out June Friedman used my meatloaf recipe, I almost stabbed her in the eye with a fork."

Midge (Rachel Brosnahan) is shocked to learn her husband "borrowed" from a great

MARVEL'S AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D.

"Can we all agree there's magic at play?"

"Magic is just science we don't understand yet."

"Ah, please. We just got zapped through space by Stonehenge and we're trying to rule out the involvement of a flame-headed demon from East L.A.? Science, my ass."

Catapulted into space, Mack (Henry Simmons) isn't so quick to give up the Ghost... Rider theory

MARVEL'S AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. (Bonus Quote!)

"'Daisy'? Pretty name. Like the flower."

"Does that line work in the future?"

Deke (Jeff Ward) gets to know The Lighthouse's visitors

THE MARVELOUS MRS. MAISEL (Bonus Quote!)

"Paris is wonderful, but it's good Midge didn't go. There was danger waiting for her there."

"Too much bread."

"Yes."

Rose's (Marin Hinkle) psychic is carbs-foreboding

GOTHAM

"You have to show Sampson, and these people, that you can't just be pushed around."

"What, should I send Grundy to rip his arms off?"

"Look at him. It's what he lives for."

Nygma (Cory Michael Smith) counsels "Doc" (Morena Baccarin) to flex some (mutated) muscle in the Narrows

SCORPION

"We bluffed you, Frank! On an actual bluff, which makes it cooler."

Whatever you say, Toby (Eddie Kaye Thomas)!

ARROW

"Just a quick reminder: Super speed — I don't have it."

Oliver (Stephen Amell) is a distant third arriving for a super-showdown

(See more quotes from the "Crisis on Earth-X" crossover event.)

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

"On Wednesday, the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree was lit — and so was Ann Curry."