Quotes Of The Week For Feb. 17, 2019

THE OTHER TWO

"Lorraine, I will give you a hundred dollars if you go sit in the car."

"Whoa... that's 10 times more than what I got paid to come here."

"You did this for 10 dollars?"

"Well, five, after taxes. Four, after my agent. Three, after my manager. So three. Three dollars."

Lorraine (Jackie Hoffman) knows exactly what her time is worth — and it's not much

THIS IS US

"Tomorrow morning, I will brew a pot of coffee, and we will make a list of all the great firms in your city. And together, we will proof your résumé, go to Staples, get some fancy paper and begin mailing them out."

"Mailing it out? I'm sorry, did we step through a portal to 1998?"

Beth (Susan Kelechi Watson) hints that her mom Carol (Phylicia Rashad) might have some outdated ideas about how to find a job

THE PASSAGE

"Brad, it's catastrophic. What's going on with Amy? Is she symptom-free?"

"No. Hell no. She's connected to the rest of them somehow... She's not listening to me."

"Well, that's not the virus. That's puberty."

"I know. Which is also catastrophic."

Brad (Mark-Paul Gosselaar) tells Lila (Emmanuelle Chriqui) that he's unprepared for Amy's adolescence and the moodiness that comes with it

GOOD TROUBLE

"What kind of terrorist wants a pie bar instead of a wedding cake?"

Alice (Sherry Cola) brings up a good point

MAGNUM P.I.

"Today you were shot, by a woman who you were once going to marry, Magnum. Psychologists retire on patients like you."

Higgins (Perdita Weeks) tries to get at how Magnum is really feeling after a deadly run-in with an ex

MANIFEST

"The only reason you helped us was because we let you out of jail, let you get away with murder. That's obviously not what the callings are for."

"I know I'm new, but did your callings come with a rule book? Because mine didn't."

Michaela (Melissa Roxburgh) tries to teach James Griffin (Marc Menchaca) that with great power... yadda yadda

NCIS

"This is the first PC I ever built. It made me realize that—"

"—you would never have a girlfriend?"

"I've had plenty of girlfriends, thank you."

"Yeah, one of them even helped him build this."

"No, actually that was just a girl-dash-friend."

"Oh, so like pathetic-dash-disturbing."

McGee (Sean Murray) won't let Torres (Wilmer Valderrama) dash his childhood memories

MADAM SECRETARY

"I won't make you look stupid."

"Of course you will. That's what social media does."

Russell (Zeljko Ivanek) has little faith in intern Stevie (Wallis Currie-Wood), whom he has chosen to run his Twitter account

THE ROOKIE

"Hey! We all got cleared."

"You're cops. I'm supposed to be impressed you're not criminals?"

"No... no, sir."

"It's part of the job description, really."

West's (Titus Makin Jr.) news doesn't go over big with Bradford (Eric Winter) and Bishop (Afton Williamson)

THE ORVILLE

"Let me take him down to engineering — open him up, dig around a little."

"He's not a broken race car, John, he's a sentient being. And he's my patient."

"Well, right now, your patient looks kinda dead."

John (J. Lee) wants to look under Isaac's hood, and Claire (Penny Johnson Jerald) isn't having it

BULL

"I assume this is a contingency case?"

"Do you really need the money up front? Look at this place. It's like somebody went to Best Buy for dinner, and threw up."

Bull (Michael Weatherly) learns to never meet your idols, because they might make puke jokes

GOTHAM

"Oh, look — he's swimming to shore!"

[Mine detonates in distance]

Penguin (Robin Lord Taylor) loses another of his grunts in the name of literally "testing the waters"

THE BLACKLIST

"Have you ever heard of Katarina Rostova?"

"Yes. She was a KGB officer."

"Would it surprise you to learn that she and I had quite a complicated history? Sex, drugs, rock and roll. Did I say sex? Sex."

Red (James Spader) informs the court, multiple times, about his torrid affair with Katarina Rostova

THE BLACKLIST (Bonus Quote!)

"A multinational cabal? Working in the shadows? To manipulate world governments?"

"I'm sure they have a Wikipedia page if you care to look."

Red (James Spader) asks Sima (Ken Leung) to do his own research on the cabal for which Katarina Rostova worked

HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER

"This whole situation is insane, Annalise. [beat] No wonder you drink."

Tegan (Amirah Vann) and Annalise are utterly stunned to learn that Emmett Crawford plans to run for district attorney

COUNTERPART

"Are you hurt?"

"Shot, actually."

"No s—t."

"Also imprisoned. Interrogated. Isolated, sleep-deprived, starved, beaten.... How was your month?"

Howard Prime (J.K. Simmons) is for once impressed by his other (J.K. Simmons)

THE BIG BANG THEORY

"Do you guys want to read my fan fiction mashup, Captain Marvelous Mrs. Maisel?"

"[In unison] No."

"You don't even know what it's about!"

"Is it about a superhero who finds her voice by doing stand-up?"

"That's so much better than what I had! Mine is just a Jewish girl that flies."

Bernadette (Melissa Rauch) has Raj (Kunal Nayyar) rethinking his Marvel-ous fan fiction premise

HAWAII FIVE-0

"Shopping trips to Monte Carlo, box seats at the Super Bowl, lots of trips on private jets.... Like, I'm jealous of this woman's life, and she dead."

Tani (Meaghan Rath) mourns a victim's loss of... the very good life

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE

"John Urblan, nice to meet ya."

"And John Urblan has just been fired."

"I have?"

"Meet 'ya'? You just abbreviated a one-syllable word."

"Is this for real?"

"Yes. Now clean out your 'des.' I removed the K so you'd understand how absurd ya sound."

Capt. Holt (Andre Braugher) has no patience for his new former assistant's unnecessary abbreviations

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE (Bonus Quote!)

"Didn't you see him flirting with me?"

"No, I most definitely did not."

"Then you're a blind man and a prude to boot. Did you see his tie? A single Windsor, the easiest knot to undo. Psh, why bother wearing clothes at all?"

"I think you badly misread that interaction."

"Please! He did everything but lick his lips and purr."

Capt. Holt (Andre Braugher) gets "Operation Nasty Sex Slut" vibes from Jake's (Andy Samberg) suggested hire Gordon Lundt