Quotes Of The Week For Sept. 22, 2019

We've rounded up the best TV quotes from Sept. 22 through Sept. 28, 2019. Scroll through our gallery of zingers, bon mots and one-liners below, then tell us if we missed any of your favorite lines from this week's television!

THE VOICE

"I just dribbled on myself."

"She is salivating over here!"

"You're welcome... Too much?"

Katie Kadan mischievously accepts the credit from Blake Shelton after her audition leaves his fellow coach/girlfriend Gwen Stefani spraying while expressing her excitement

THE VOICE (Bonus Quote!)

"You have great hair. It's like a walking Pantene Pro-V commercial."

Kelly Clarkson, evaluating contestant Jake HaldenVang

WATCH WHAT HAPPENS LIVE WITH ANDY COHEN

"Look at the dog and look at me — we look exactly alike!"

Broad City's Judith Light look-alike dog now has the original version's official seal of approval

BULL

"Sometimes things happen. They just do."

"Words of wisdom coming from a man who fornicates at funerals."

Benny (Freddy Rodriguez) isn't easy to forgive Bull's (Michael Weatherly) inappropriate assignation with Izzy

NCIS

"We're getting our intel from Grizzly Adams and his mom?"

Gibbs (Mark Harmon) questions Ziva's apparent covert "contacts"

HAWAII FIVE-0

"...By the way, this is horrible déjà vu I'm having."

Danny (Scott Caan) can't help but feel he's been in a standoff like this before...

HAWAII FIVE-0 (Bonus Quote!)

"Does this thing go any faster? [Off Steve's puzzled look] What?"

"Nothing. I've just never had that complaint before."

Quinn (Katrina Law) shares Steve's (Alex O'Loughlin) need for speed

GREY'S ANATOMY

"I offered to milk her."

Owen (Kevin McKidd), admitting to Amelia how he mishandled new mom Teddy's clogged duct

GREY'S ANATOMY (Bonus Quote!)

"I think I deserve better than someone who regularly abandons me for, you know, trees."

Maggie (Kelly McCreary), explaining to Meredith and Amelia why her breakup with Jackson was sticking

TITANS

"I don't have time for dating. I have a lot to do before I leave."

"Ah — for 'the mascara.'"

"It's Themyscira. And yes."

Donna aka Wonder Girl (Conor Leslie) won't nibble at Garth/Aqualad's (Drew Van Acker) romantic bait

THE MASKED SINGER

"It's like Michael Jackson and Prince, but in an egg."

Judge Nicole Scherzinger tries to wrap her head around Egg, one of the out-there reality competition's flamboyant Season 2 contestants

A MILLION LITTLE THINGS

"What part of 'Shut your face' did you not understand?"

Maggie (Allison Miller) lays down the law for the lactation consultant who's trying to shame Delilah for considering feeding her infant with formula

THE UNICORN

"I can't lie to my kids."

[laughs hysterically] "That's all I do, is lie to my kids! Drive them places, and lie!"

Ben (Omar Benson Miller) shares his very relatable parenting style with his pal Wade (Walton Goggins)

LIGHTS OUT WITH DAVID SPADE

"Two celebrities were revealed on The Masked Singer last night — and there's actually two steps in the reveal: First, they take off the mask, and then everyone Googles it."

THE CONNERS

"I just don't know what all the fuss is about. In my day, we wrapped the baby in a napkin and took it home in our purse."

"Mom! You're confusing it with stealing muffins from a restaurant."

Bev (Estelle Parsons) doesn't understand why Jackie (Laurie Metcalf) has gone through all the trouble of creating a birthing plan for Becky

THE CONNERS (Bonus Quote!)

"I will always love this baby, but I consider it a personal attack, and a negation of my entire childhood of pain, that you have named this precious angel after the vessel of evil that is my mother. 'Nuff said."

Gee, Jackie (Laurie Metcalf), tell Becky what you really think of the name Beverly Rose!

SUITS (Bonus Quote!)

"You know I couldn't have done any of this without you."

"Any of what?"

"Everything."

Harvey (Gabriel Macht), to Donna (Sarah Rafferty)

SUITS

"There was a phase when we thought about Endora, but we came to our senses."

"Endora?"

"We're big fans of Bewitched."

"But wasn't she the bad guy?"

"She knew who she was! I've been up all night! Can't we just drop it?!"

Louis (Rick Hoffman), discussing his newborn daughter's name with the nurse

MODERN FAMILY

"Mom, what are you doing? Stop it! The book says you're not supposed to make eye contact during naptime."

"They're babies, not Johnny Depp on a film set."

Claire (Julie Bowen) scoffs at the strict naptime guidelines in Haley's (Sarah Hyland) go-to parenting book

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SUNNYSIDE

"I went to get my driver's license, found out that my mom brought me over here when I was 2, overstayed her visa, never told me, [and] now I gotta take some dumb history test just so I don't get sent back to Moldova."

"Where even is Moldova?"

"I don't know, man! What do I look like, a book?"

Brady (Moses Storm) might want to brush up on his geography, in addition to studying for his citizenship exam

CAROL'S SECOND ACT

"You've got this. Just draw from your own experience. Here, what's the worst thing that's ever happened to you?"

"My birthday's July 5th, so everyone's pretty partied out."

Daniel (Jean-Luc Bilodeau) has no real-life experience to draw from when it comes time to tell his patient he has cancer

SUPERSTORE

"Well-played with the anti-union stuff. You're like a double agent. My own Elizabeth Jennings."

"Is that from The Americans?"

"Yeah, it's so good. You should jus—"

"I'm not gonna watch it."

Jonah (Ben Feldman) geeking out over The Americans (almost!) makes up for Amy (America Ferrera) refusing to watch one of the 10 best dramas of the decade

EMERGENCE

"Well, who doesn't like fishing?"

"I mean, you hate it."

"I know. I feel bad for the worm."

We're beginning to see why Jo (Allison Tolman) and Alex (Donald Faison) didn't work out as a couple

HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER

"The exercise isn't for everyone. Somatic therapy isn't really my thing, either."

"What is your thing?"

"My vibrator."

Annalise's rehab counselor (Kathleen Quinlan) offers an interesting alternative to group therapy

PRODIGAL SON

"You have a copycat."

"Really? Well, I'm flattered! [off Malcolm's annoyed look] And, uh, deeply concerned."

Martin (Michael Sheen) can hardly contain his excitement after learning another serial killer is copying his methods

THE RESIDENT

"Dibs."

A Chastain Park nurse lays claim to handsome new neurosurgeon Barrett Cain (Morris Chestnut) before Jessica can

THE POLITICIAN (Episode 4)

"I honestly don't understand why calling that gay man a 'butt munch' was such a scandal. I mean, whatever floats your boat. That's what gays do: munch butts, and celebrate Halloween!"

Infinity's grandma Dusty (Jessica Lange) is clearly a strong advocate for LGBTQ equality

THE GOOD PLACE

"I tried talking to her, but it was the dullest conversation I have ever had. And this is coming from someone who once split a Xanax with Peter Sarsgaard."

Tahani (Jameela Jamil) knows a thing or two about drowsy (celebrity!) encounters

BLUE BLOODS

"Do I have a reputation for being a bitch?"

"Look, I'm an in-your-face kind of guy. I don't back down, and I don't let go of a case until I work every angle, no matter how many people I piss off. And I piss off a lotta people. Does anybody call me a bitch? No, they say, 'This guy's great! He's got balls!'"

"So I guess the answer's 'yes.'"

Erin (Bridget Moynahan) asks Anthony (Steven Schirripa) a loaded question

PERFECT HARMONY

"I am very excited to properly introduce to you Dr. Arthur Cochran, professor of music at University of Princeton. And I know, they never make the Final Four, but outside of basketball they're actually considered a good school."

Ginny (Anna Camp) puts things in context for her small-town Kentucky choir pals

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

"First of all, it's an apostrophe, not a hyphen. I'm sorry to be a grammar nazi; I know you hate one of those things."