Quotes Of The Week For June 4, 2017
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THE BACHELORETTE
"I'm glad you've realized that you should move forward, but I need you to know that 'forward' isn't that way to the mansion, 'forward' is outside of it."
Rachel, telling DeMario where to go for the second time in a matter of hours
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IZOMBIE
"She's a mutant ninja? Does she have a round shell? A hankering for pizza?"
Peyton (Aly Michalka), after a criminal accuses Liv of having mutant powers
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GOTHAM
"I was gonna hit you before we got to the safe house. Play dumb when you didn't show."
"Leaning into your strengths?"
Butch (Drew Powell) proves too big a target for Barbara (Erin Richards) to not take pot shots
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GOTHAM (Bonus Quote!)
"You got the virus."
"Wow. You're not as dumb as I heard. Are there any other glaringly obvious remarks you'd like to make?"
"How about I cut your lungs out and show them to you?"
"That's incredibly vivid. I'd like to see you try it, but I'm here for your boss. The crazy blonde."
"She's not my boss."
"Uh-huh. I may have a virus making me freakishly strong and mildly insane, but even I know you were a sidekick to your brother and you're a sidekick to Barbara."
The virus makes Lee (Morena Baccarin) as sassy as she is sinister
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LOVE CONNECTION
"Are you kidding me, a three?! I think you meant a 13, baby!"
Esther (who, after all, arrived for the date an hour late due to primping!) is none too happy with her first impression score
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FEAR THE WALKING DEAD
"... I put a spoon in your other son's eye."
"Guess he's lucky it wasn't a fork."
Though Madison (Kim Dickens) understands why Jeremiah (Dayton Callie) would look upon her group with suspicion, the survivalist manages to see a silver lining
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PRETTY LITTLE LIARS
"Forgive you? Oh, honey, you're just a selfish little bitch. I wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire."
Gee, Mrs. Hastings (Lesley Fera), why don't you tell Aria how you really feel?
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DAYTIME DIVAS
"Four years ago, Maxine made me do an on-air colonic. Big surprise: I was full of s–t!"
After hearing Mo's (Tichina Arnold) horror story, having to wear a bathing suit on live TV suddenly doesn't seem so scary
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THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK CITY
"I couldn't do it. I mean, I get naked when it's necessary to get naked, and then I get un-naked, very fast — in the dark, usually!"
Dorinda, impressed that Carole was able to strip down to pose for a whole series of revealing paintings
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ORPHAN BLACK
"Poop on a stoop!"
We've found our new favorite expression. Thanks, Alison (Tatiana Maslany)!
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THE LEFTOVERS
"What did you write?"
"That's for me to know and some lonely Eskimo to find out."
Kevin (Justin Theroux), charmingly refusing to reveal to Nora (Carrie Coon) what he'd written as the message of love to be flown away from a wedding by a homing pigeon
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LAST WEEK TONIGHT WITH JOHN OLIVER
"Putin was seemingly everywhere this week, appearing in newly released clips for the upcoming Oliver Stone series on him, which looks like a truly depressing episode of Carpool Karaoke."
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LAST WEEK TONIGHT WITH JOHN OLIVER (Bonus Quote!)
"[Putin] is also appearing tonight as the guest of honor on Megyn Kelly's new NBC show, which I assume is called Forget Everything I Said On Fox News Since 2004 With Megyn Kelly."
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LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS
"Wonder Woman made $100 million at the box office this weekend. Meanwhile, Wonder Man made $121 million for doing the same job."
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THE CARMICHAEL SHOW
"I haven't seen [Empire], but I've been meaning to check that out. Put on the first episode."
"Grandma, I don't think this is the time for you to be starting a new series. They're in their third season and you're, you know, killing yourself."
Jerrod (Jerrod Carmichael) doesn't think post-assisted suicide is the right time for Grandma Francis (Marla Gibbs) to get acquainted with Cookie Lyon
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ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK
"It's not 'Demi Moore good,' but at least it's 'Meg Ryan good.'"
Maritza (Diane Guerrero) tries to best describe Humphrey's post-stroke "facelift" in Episode 2
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ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK (Bonus Quote!)
"I thought you were a little bit too 'Jay Leno' or something. But not in a good way, you know?"
"Yeah, I totally agree. It was terrible."
In Episode 4, "Litchfield Idol" judges Angie (Julie Lake) and Linda (Beth Dover) assess Luschek's stand-up routine
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REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER
"I knew you was gonna f—k up sooner or later."
Ice Cube, calling out the late-night host for using the N-word in a previous episode