Quotes Of The Week For April 24, 2016

"This is Helena we're talking about here. She eats frozen bread and she's murdered people."

"Well... so have we..."

"That's different. Helena's trained to kill people. We're manslaughterers."

Despite Donnie's (Kristian Bruun) protests, Alison (Tatiana Maslany) doesn't think she's the same as her Ukrainian sestra

"Sorry, no dogs allowed."

The Blind Witch's (Emma Caulfield) fine-tuned nose senses Big Bad Wolf Ruby's arrival

"What do I call you now?"

"Miss White. That's my Sioux family name. It was given to us in the 1920s by a sarcastic census taker."

Kimmy (Ellie Kemper) doesn't know how to address newly divorced Jacqueline (Jane Krakowski)

"It should never have taken this long. Apparently on our 'What to Put On American Money' priority list, 'woman' and 'African-American' both came after 'cyclops pyramid.'"

Colbert weighs in on Harriet Tubman's date with the $20 bill

"You know, we're becoming like cat ladies, and the children are our cats."

Meredith (Ellen Pompeo), marveling at the sad state of affairs in the house she shares with Maggie and Amelia

"You're a chief, she's a resident. So you're giving up your career to chase tail across the country?"

Bailey (Chandra Wilson), upon being informed that Callie was following girlfriend Penny to New York

"No one is going to think you really hate kissing. Do people think Tony Danza is really the boss?"

"I do! I mean — he's at least a boss!"

Mr. Frond (David Herman) is disappointed in Tina's (Dan Mintz) inability to commit to her role in the school's production about mononucleosis

"Then why are your party hats showing?"

Amy (Rita Volk) accuses Karma of "eye-humping" Liam, and while Karma denies it, her chest, ahem, points to the truth

"What's it going to be — Pete Harris, or Jake Ballard? Their bitch, or mine?"

Rowan (Joe Morton) gives B613's new recruit a "choice," between prison or black-ops work

"Hey, do you think we can get this thing smaller...? It kind of sucks."

"If it sucks, then, yeah."

Barry (Grant Gustin) doesn't bother with techno jargon to sum up the tachyon device's shortcomings for Wells (Tom Cavanagh)

"I work too hard to walk in swill and use a porta-potty!"

Wendy explains why she doesn't go to Coachella

"I should have known Agent Wheeler was dirty. There were signs. He wore a V-neck once."

"Bob. You did nothing?"

"It's my greatest regret."

FBI Special Agent Bob Anderson (Dennis Haysbert) and Capt. Holt (Andre Braugher) are clearly cut from the same cloth

"I don't know what any of this means, but I feel like Sandra Oh!"

While posing as a doctor for a case, Det. Jeffords (Terry Crews) is thrilled to finally put his Grey's Anatomy vocabulary to good use

"It's the wink with the porn 'stache sending the wrong message, I think."

Lucifer (Tom Ellis) feels his almost-murderer Malcolm is getting a bit too familiar

"I've met gods. Gods bleed."

Having gotten up close and personal with Thor, Coulson (Clark Gregg) knows of what he speaks

"This is obviously FBI jurisdiction. This is my case."

"You could have just e-mailed. I wore a hat. Now I have to do my hair again!"

DiNozzo (Michael Weatherly) flogs Fornell for wasting his time at a crime scene

"Online dating — it's probably your worst nightmare, isn't it?"

"No. This conversation is."

Gibbs (Mark Harmon) gets an earful about Fornell's (Joe Spano) new swipe-and-click love life

"I just came to get some of my stuff."

"OK, have fun leaving me."

Norma (Vera Farmiga), giving Dylan (Max Thieriot) another chance to reflect on how much he'll miss her passive-aggressiveness

"You better not drop my future criminal partner. Otherwise you're in trouble. Comprende?"

Mick (Dominic Purcell) warns his younger self to be good to Baby Snart

"I know at-risk youth. I am at-risk youth."

Nick (Frank Dillane), explaining why Travis should let him help search for an MIA Chris