Quotes Of The Week For June 7, 2015

"My Torah portion today tells the story of Jacob, son of Isaac and Rebecca. Jacob lied to his father, pretending to be his brother in order to unfairly win their father's blessing."

"That's in the Torah? I could've sworn that's an episode of Game of Thrones."

Lauren's (Molly Bernard) religious education comes as a huge surprise to Josh (Nico Tortorella)

"I'm a 40-year-old mom from New Jersey."

"I totally know how you feel. Sometimes I feel like I'm a 90-year-old fisherman in Japan."

Josh (Nico Tortorella) does not have the expected reaction to Liza's (Sutton Foster) big secret

"Please, Denise has feline asthma."

Scott (Josh Vokey) pleads with Rudy (Ari Millen) not to hurt his cat

"I mean, do people really like golden showers? I don't!"

Luis makes a double-entendre while discussing a crazy, metallic-hued bathroom of a potential client

"Do you like poetry?"

"All sad people like poetry. Happy people like songs."

"John Clare" (Rory Kinnear) and Vanessa (Eva Green), making even small talk sound achingly romantic

"So, what are your impressions of our little town here?

"Oh, I just love it here, I think it's great. The mountains. The pine trees. The look of fear in everyone's eyes."

Ethan (Matt Dillon) lets the mayor know that Wayward is quite wayward

"I know it must be a fast transition."

"Well... I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't a little surprised."

Ethan (Matt Dillon) reacts to a mayor understatement, having being named sheriff just hours after Pope's murder "retirement."

"There are 5,200 pairs of Crocs in front of you. Each one represents a relationship that was real and tangible, until poor judgment tore it apart."

The audio tour of The Museum of Boyfriend Wardrobe Atrocities is no joke

"Do you think that you could give me a sneak preview of what you're going to talk about on Sunday?"

"Talk about?"

"In your sermon, Reverend."

"Jesus Christ...."

"I assumed that. But what aspect?"

Buddy Dobbs (Michael Rosenbaum) learns just what sort of holy mess he's gotten himself into

"You love him? And he loves you?"

"Yeah."

"Do it now — during the commercial! As a matter of fact, sit down and start texting!"

Wendy realizes there's no time to waste for an audience member who's finally admitting she's in love with her soon-to-be-married best friend

"I kind of learned CPR at Seeds of Faith camp. Someone needs to do chest compressions to the beat of 'All for the Best' from Godspell."

Christian cheerleader Kimber (Stephanie Bennett) freaks out after she and her classmates run over someone with their car

"I feel really bad for her. I kind of have a contact sad."

Liv (Rose McIver) confronts the friend of a murder victim, whose teenage Christian cheerleader brains she consumed

"Do I throw in with my boys, Rick and Eric, who extended an olive branch and made me a very attractive proposal? Or, conversely, do I throw in with you, Ridge, who doesn't talk to me and, quite frankly, hurts my feelings?"

Dollar Bill (Don Diamont), weighing his options at a key Forrester Creations board meeting

"I'm trying not to eat anything with a central nervous system."

Bedelia (Gillian Anderson) has made some changes to her diet since moving in with our titular cannibal

"Are they all mute? That's such a wonderful quality in a child!"

Evelyn (Rebecca Wisocky) waxes inappropriate about the verrrry quiet daughter Taylor and Michael claim they adopted from Argentina

"I'm trying to stay healthy."

"Oh, because you've gotten fat."

"You've noticed that, too?"

"Oh, come on! Everyone's talking about it!"

"Who's 'everyone'?"

"Well, mostly just me. But people always nod when I bring it up!"

Genevieve (Susan Lucci), "helping" Zoila (Judy Reyes) tackle a weighty issue

"Think 1970s Shah of Iran, dictator chic. I want it to fit me like a condom. Tight."

Reza, getting a new suit made

"You know who got in[to the presidential race] this week? Rick Perry. Remember Rick Perry from 2012? Yeahhhhh, we all remember 2012 Rick Perry. But Rick says, 'I am not that guy anymore. In fact, call me Caitlyn.'"

"My ancestors would spit on me if I broke bread with a crow."

"So would mine, but f—k 'em, they're dead."

Karsi (Birgitte Hjort Sørensen) has no time for a Thenn's objections to aligning with Jon Snow

"You want revenge against the Lannisters? I killed my mother, Joanna Lannister, on the day I was born. I killed my father, Tywin Lannister, with a bolt to the heart. I am the greatest Lannister killer of all time."

Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage) pleads his odd, yet effective, case to Daenerys Targaryen (Emilia Clarke)