Quotes Of The Week: Best Zingers From Almost Human, Carrie Diaries, Scandal, NCIS & More
Scandal
Scandal
"Abby, you're my girlfriend, we spend a great deal of our time together... I put parts of my body inside parts of your body, and I'm very generous when you ask me to–"
"I'm right here, y'all."
Harrison (Columbus Short), cutting short David's (Joshua Molina) deflection of Abby's request for government info
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Sleepy Hollow
"I'm still reconciling today's language and its advancements. For example, in my era, a 'toilet' was a vanity cabinet. 'Intercourse' meant simply social conversation. 'Awful' meant awe-inspiring."
"So if I went out with a guy and we had awful intercourse, we'd be going on a second date?"
"Disconcerting, yet accurate."
Ichabod (Tom Mison) and Abbie (Nicole Beharie), discussing the vagaries of modern English
The Sing Off - Season 4
The Sing-Off
"Well, your dimples are working hard for a living, too."
Jewel, responding to host Nick Lachey's dubious comment that it was "nice to have someone attractive" on the Season 4 panel
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Trophy Wife
"It's Frank Lloyd Wright, gluten-free and structurally sound."
Diane (Marcia Gay Harden), trumpeting the features of her gingerbread house
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The Vampire Diaries
"Why? What were you thinking? That our hot, naked bodies collided in one unforgettable night of passion?"
"I'm gonna barf."
"Good. Then my work here is done."
Katherine (Nina Dobrev) and Damon (Ian Somerhalder), discussing what she and Stefan were up to all night
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The Middle
"You're using money you don't have to pay off the debt you had before. And now you've gotta go into even more debt to pay off this debt. It's an endless cycle. You're never gonna catch up."
"Isn't that what you guys do with your credit cards?"
Well, yeah, but we're gonna die before they catch us."
Frankie (Patricia Heaton) and Brick (Atticus Shaffer), discussing the definition of a Ponzi scheme
GABRIEL MANN
Revenge
"What are your thoughts on spelunking?"
Nolan (Gabriel Mann), trying to think up a new hobby for when Emily (Emily VanCamp) is done with her vendetta
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Almost Human
"You're a robot. What do you do with it?"
"Probably the same thing you do with yours — nothing."
Kennex (Karl Urban) acting a little too curious about robot partner Dorian's (Michael Ealy) nether regions... and getting burned in return
QOTW-ncis1210
NCIS
"The bullet fragment bounced around the acetabulum, flew up to the iliac crest..." / "...before exiting just below the coccyx! I'm telling you doctor, it's amazing."
"Lemme guess — the JFK magic bullet theory?"
"Uh, actually, it's Agent Fornell's heinie."
NCIS noob Ellie Bishop (Emily Wickersham), uncovering more of the NCIS team's dark secrets while visiting Palmer (Brian Dietzen) and Ducky in the lab
Modern-Family
Modern Family
"He travels a lot.... She's put on cookie weight.... It's hard."
Haley (Sarah Hyland), trying to explain to shoppers why the mall Santa and Mrs. Claus (aka Alex) are loudly quarreling inside the "workshop"
Carrie-Diaries
The Carrie Diaries
"Do you think I should wear a chapeau? I want to look my best when I get my reputation back."
Carrie (AnnaSophia Robb), earning side-eyes from her pals as she brainstorms what to wear to an exclusive Paris-themed party where she plans to confront a gossip columnist who maligned her
Big-Bang-Theory
The Big Bang Theory
"I've seen things. Lady things."
"Listen to me — that is not the way they usually look."
Sheldon (Jim Parsons), reporting in to girlfriend Amy (Mayim Bialik) after helping his sister in Texas with a home birth
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Arrow
"How many women were you marooned with? Sure this wasn't Fantasy Island?"
Felicity (Emily Bett Rickards), grilling Oliver (Stephen Amell) on his castaway past
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American Horror Story: Coven
"At any rate, I'm not going to kill you. Well, maybe after dessert. I put a lot of effort into the key lime pie."
Myrtle Snow (Frances Conroy), playing the role of the good hostess before de-eyeballing her traitors in the council
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American Horror Story: Coven (Bonus Quote!)
"You could still end up in an ashtray."
Fiona (Jessica Lange), warning "charcoal briquette" Myrtle (Frances Conroy) that her life is always, ahem, at stake
Models Love Magic
The Crazy Ones
"So, how long have you guys been sleeping together this time?"
"A couple weeks. I asked her for a hand with this job. She misunderstood, and I just went with it."
Simon (Robin Williams) and Zach (James Wolk), after Zach reignites a fling with coworker Lauren (Amanda Setton)