Quotes Of The Week: Best Zingers From Coven, Revolution, Community, Supernatural & More

Nashville

"For the record, just plain stupid is losing two of your top clients in less than six months on the job. Not to mention pinning all your hopes and dreams on a karaoke singer who came in second place on a talent show. I may've just burnt the house down, but I made damn sure you were in it when I lit the match. I'll see you on the unemployment line."

Juliette (Hayden Panettiere), tearing label head Jeff (Oliver Hudson) a new one after he drops her from his label and insults her intelligence

Arrow

"You know, I slapped water out of a bowl yesterday. And I slapped water out of a bowl the day before."

"You must be getting pretty good at it."

"Yeah, well, I can't wait to get attacked by a dog dish."

Roy (Colton Haynes), questioning Arrow's (Stephen Amell) sidekick training regimen

American Horror Story: Coven

"What is this — knotty pine?!?!"

Fiona (Jessica Lange), absorbing the heinousness of the eternal hell to which she's been damned

The Carrie Diaries

"I think we'll be fine — as long as you don't try and share my underwear."

"Oh, I stopped wearing underwear, so it shouldn't be a problem."

Carrie (AnnaSophia Robb), offering Samantha (Lindsey Gort) a second chance to be her roommate

Looking

"Listen, I get why you called Ethan, I totally do. And I get why, you know, you went to go see him — I understand that's your process — but oh my God, I so wish I had been there so I could neck-punch that dude."

"You'd hate him even more. He's become so L.A. He drinks Refresh tea."

"OK, somebody's gonna get another neck punch. That is so annoying to me — especially if he orders it as 'Refresh.”"

Doris (Lauren Weedman) and Dom (Murray Bartlett), discussing the abhorrent ex-boyfriend with whom he recently reconnected

Community

"Welcome to the labyrinth, kid — only there ain't no puppets or bisexual rock stars here."

Professor Hickey (Jonathan Banks), likening Annie's byzantine bid for a bulletin board to... an old David Bowie movie.

Downton Abbey

"Mrs. Patmore, is there any aspect of the present day that you can accept without resistance?"

"Well, m'lady, I wouldn't mind getting rid of me corset. "

Cora (Elizabeth McGovern), trying to get Mrs. Patmore (Lesley Nicol) to warm to the idea of a refrigerator

Cougar Town

"If I were mayor, I would grant more rights to animals — but also more responsibility. All potty business must be done behind a tree — and if a dog has a visible bean bag, he has to wear dog pants."

Laurie (Busy Philipps), mulling a life in politics

Good Luck Charlie

"Taylor has two moms."

"Wow. Nothing gets past you, Bob."

Bob (Eric Allan Kramer) and Amy (Leigh-Allyn Baker), resolving their debate over whether Charlie's new playdate's mom is named Susan or Cheryl

Justified

"So, are you gonna send him back across the river?"

"I might as well,we have too many too damn Canadians in this country. Justin Bieber, Celine Dion...."

Art (Nick Searcy) and his Detroit counterpart Ed Kirkland (Shashawnee Hall), discussing what to do with their snitch from The Great White North

Revolution

"So, what are we watching? And please don't say The Notebook."

"Evil Dead 2."

"Yeah. That's about right."

Miles (Billy Burke) and Rachel (Elizabeth Mitchell), "escaping" from it all with a night at the movies

Supernatural

"You two came busting in here like a house on fire. Guns waving, the jawlines and the hair — it's very intimidating."

Garth (DJ Qualls) explaining to Dean (Jensen Ackles) and Sam (Jared Padalecki) why his werewolf wife attacked the younger Winchester

Sherlock

"Imagine someone's going to get murdered at a wedding: Who exactly would you pick?"

"I think you're a popular choice at the moment, dear."

"If someone could move Mrs. Hudson's glass just slightly out of reach, that would be lovely."

Sherlock (Benedict Cumberbatch) and Mrs. Hudson (Una Stubbs), trading barbs in the middle of his very long best-man speech

Girls

"Rudy represents sandwiches not art, OK? If a pepperoni sub is ever suing a tuna salad sandwich, then let's call cousin Rudy!"

Hannah (Lena Dunham), explaining to her father (Peter Scolari) why Rudy, the family attorney, is not qualified to tell her who owns the rights to her ebook

Mom

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, and the courage...not to set this evil dwarf on fire. Amen."

Bonnie (Allison Janney), bracing herself for a meeting with the ex (Kevin Pollack) who abandoned her decades ago — on the night their daughter was born

The Blacklist

"If you think Finch or any of his people are going to let you get away with this, you're more arrogant than I thought. We came into 'The Post Office' to make a point: If you come after me, if you so much as lay a finger on me..."

[Red fires one bullet into Diane's stomach.]

"You talk too much."

Red (James Spader), confronting — then killing — agency mole Diane (Jane Alexander)

Saturday Night Live

"My sister and I were athlete as children. Our favorite sport was 'Running Away from Angry Wolf.' I won the Gold, she won the Silver. God rest her soul."

Russian woman Olya Povlatsky (Kate McKinnon), sharing with "Weekend Update" anchor Seth Meyers her excitement about the Olympic winter games coming to Sochi