Quotes Of The Week: Best Zingers From Coven, The Middle, Blacklist, NCIS: LA And More

1-Scandal-Slut-Shaming

Scandal "Are we really going to..." "Slut-shame a dead girl? All aboard!" Quinn (Katie Lowes), asking Abby (Darby Stanchfield) about OPA's plan to defend a sexting senator

The Romance Resonance

The Big Bang Theory "What else would you love, aside from being lifted over Patrick Swayze's head?" Penny (Kaley Cuoco) to Raj (Kunal Nayyar), whose perfect romantic fantasy very closely resembles the plot of Dirty Dancing

The Blacklist - Season 1

The Blacklist "I died once in Marrakech -- two and a half minutes. You wouldn't believe what I saw on the other side." Raymond Reddington (James Spader), making a casual conversational aside

4-Sons-of-Anarchy

Sons of Anarchy "Alice is a 24-hour network of bad news." Venus (Walton Goggins), describing his abusive mother to Jax and his SAMCRO crew

PATRICIA HEATON, NEIL FLYNN, JEN RAY

The Middle "Back then, you were too good to pee in a ditch.'" Mike (Neil Flynn), reminiscing to wife Frankie about a gas-station stop during a road trip early in their marriage

6-ravenswood-series-premiere-dw

Ravenswood "Every time she looks at me, I feel like someone’s taking a potato peeler to my skin." Caleb (Tyler Blackburn), discussing the creepy Mrs. Grunwald

7-The-Mindy-Project

The Mindy Project "It looks kind of homoerotic to me..." "What?! There's nothing homoerotic about grappling with another man, pinning him to the ground and making him succumb to your will." "No, I'm not dissing it, I like it... [Yelling] That's right, tear him apart! You have great chemistry!" Mindy (Mindy Kaling) and Danny (Chris Messina), discussing an Ultimate Fighting match

Win Som, Lose Some

The Carrie Diaries “Just a few more inches — that’s what I always hope for!” Samantha (Lindsey Gort), attempting to wriggle her way onto and up a fire-escape ladder while standing on Carrie's shoulders

9-Modern-Family

Modern Family "I dreamt that our wedding made the cover of Modern Gay Grooms. And that there was a magazine called Modern Gay Grooms." Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson), basking in the afterglow of consulting wannabe wedding planner Ronaldo

EMMA SLATER, BILL ENGVALL

Dancing With the Stars "So I can get one hamburger pun in here, you're saying he was 'In & Out' of step?" Tom Bergeron, discussing the judges' critiques after Bill Engvall danced to Jimmy Buffet's "Cheeseburger in Paradise"

11-quotes_bones_vows

Bones "'If I ever get out of here, I will find a time and place to tell you that you make my life messy and confusing and unfocused and irrational and wonderful.' This is that time, this is that place." Brennan (Emily Deschanel), using the note she wrote to Booth (David Boreanaz) years ago while buried alive, as the basis for her wedding vows

12-NCIS-Los-Angeles

NCIS: Los Angeles "I'm running sub-five-thirty miles, I got a new road bike, I'm thinking about doing the Malibu Ironman.... I'm like a Shaolin monk with a young bull mixed with a very charismatic cheetah." Deeks (Eric Christian Olsen), updating Hetty on his physical recuperation in the wake of being tortured

MARCIA GAY HARDEN

Trophy Wife "Oh, I think I understand perfectly now. I just wish that your children's future was as important to you as, you know, a fussy dinner and 'Oh, what can I do with a Brussel sprout these days?'" Diane (Marcia Gay Harden), guilting her ex-husband into canceling a dinner date and helping with their children's school fundraiser

14-Coven

American Horror Story: Coven "This Coven doesn't need a new Supreme — it needs a new rug." Supreme Witch Fiona (Jessica Lange), after slashing the throat of her would-be successor Madison (Emma Roberts) and creating quite the bloody mess

15-Person-of-Interest

Person of Interest "You're not going to believe this, Finch -- Shaw just got made by a 10-year-old." A bemused Reese (Jim Caviezel), relating how a pre-teen POI used countersurveillance skills to outwit a chagrined Shaw (Sarah Shahi)