Quotes Of The Week: Best Zingers From Dallas, Glee, New Girl, Parks And Rec, Big Bang & More

Arrow

"I'm just used to being your girl. I mean not your girl girl. Your girl. I know it sounds like the same word, but...it means something different in my head."

"You'll always be my girl, Felicity."

Felicity (Emily Bett Rickards) and Oliver (Stephen Amell) after she confesses to feeling left out of Team Arrow

Arrow (Bonus Quote!)

"Sara, when you come back from the dead you get a party. It's a Queen family tradition."

Oliver (Stephen Amell), insisting that the "resurrected" Sara gets feted

The Big Bang Theory

"Without realizing it, I've allowed [Amy] to alter my personality."

"You didn't have a 'personality.' You just had some shows you liked."

Sheldon (Jim Parsons) and Leonard (Johnny Galecki), reflecting on how a girlfriend has slowly changed Sheldon's world

Hannibal

"I almost feel guilty eating it."

"I never feel guilty about eating anything."

Jack Crawford (Laurence Fishburne) and Hannibal Lecter (Mads Mikkelsen) discuss the beauty of a haute cuisine meal Lecter has prepared

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

"Thank you for coming in on your day off. I know you'd all rather be at home, binge-watching media content."

"I just started the second season of media content. No spoilers."

Holt (Andre Braugher) and the rest of the precinct, getting a very general warning from Peralta (Andy Samberg)

Parks and Recreation

"Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream or be nothing. Zero stars."

Ron's (Nick Offerman) strongly-worded letter to a non-fat frozen yogurt bar

Scandal

"Oh great, so he's a playboy."

"Yeah, but he's an age-appropriate playboy for the most part so, you know... props for that."

Abby (Darby Stanchfield), finding the good in not-great news about Fitz's new running mate

Survivor: Cagayan

"How did we come up with the criteria for brains? I'd like to see that data."

Kass, realizing how dumb the Brains tribe actually is

Suburgatory

"If you drop a cracker into a fire, it just burns. And so too will you."

Dallas (Cheryl Hines) instructing "white as chalk" Tessa (Jane Levy) on how to pace her tanning-salon visits

New Girl

"At least I'll die a hero."

"No you won't: They'll put you in panties and then they'll plant you next to a dead prostitute."

Abby (Linda Cardellini), attempting to psych out Winston (Lamorne Morris) before his police-academy exam, brainstorms what would happen if he wound up with a dirty partner and reported him to Internal Affairs

Glee

"Now unlike some members of the glee club who come and go for months at a time with no explanation, you two losers are always in that choir room — even if for an entire week the only thing you have to do is say something inconsequential like, 'Kitty's right!' or 'Blaine, are you serious?'"

Sue (Jane Lynch), providing sneakily meta commentary on Artie (Kevin McHale) and Tina's (Jenna Ushkowitz) roles on Glee

How I Met Your Mother

"As your next Commissioner...of Gotham City...I vow to make Batman work harder. I say shine that Bat signal even for small stuff, like shoveling snow or like if a police horse dumps out in the park."

A drunken Marshall's (Jason Segel) acceptance speech after winning the election for State Supreme Court Judge in 2020

Girls

"Without fail, something happens at the yogurt shop that just f—s my s—t up."

Marnie (Allison Williams), lamenting running into her ex Booth Jonathan's newly successful former assistant at 16 Handles

Girls (Bonus Quote!)

"There's a lot of weirdos out there, honey. You know, the Elephant Man got laid a lot."

Patti LuPone (as "herself"), warning that Adam (Adam Driver) might attract Broadway groupies despite Hannah (Lena Dunham) describing him as "funny looking"

About a Boy

"For the record, I didn't force Marcus to eat meat. He likes it. He loves it! He's a carnivore. You do not want to be in a plane crash in the Andes when Marcus is on board! "

Will (David Walton) explaining to Fiona (Minnie Driver) what really happened when her vegan son had his first taste of barbecue ribs at Will's house

Dallas

"That is a beautiful thing."

John Ross (Josh Henderson), discovering an important document after it gets stuck to illicit lover Emma's "divining rod" derrière

The Voice

"And if you're really cool, you can turn your Grammys into shoes, like Usher did."

Adam Levine, making an inside joke about Usher's gold shoes and exposed Grammy statuette, to "four-chair turn" Bria Kelly

Nancy & Tonya

"He was just a fat, complete idiot. He was never my bodyguard. Do you think that I would ever need a bodyguard? And why would I ever hire someone as stupid as that?"

Tonya Harding, reminiscing as video plays of Shawn Eckhardt acting as her bodyguard