Quotes Of The Week: Best Zingers From Grey's, S.H.I.E.L.D., NCIS, Almost Human And More!

NCIS: LA

"No, no, Hetty, he had a burrito and a Pop Tart at 8 o'clock this morning — which he ate at the same time."

"I also had a glass of orange juice and a multivitamin."

"A Flintstones chewable, actually — which he only bought because he ran out of SweeTarts."

Kensi (Daniela Ruah) and Deeks (Eric Christian Olsen), debating his ability to go undercover as a nutritionist — unaware that Hetty was only kidding

The Tomorrow People

"Technically, now, we both made out with Stephen, so I'm willing to call it even."

John (Luke Mitchell) — who'd just given Stephen (Robbie Amell) mouth-to-mouth — responding to girlfriend Cara (Peyton List) asking him if their relationship was good

The Walking Dead

"Nobody ever mentioned just how boring the end of the world was gonna be."

Lily (Audrey Marie Anderson), relishing a break from the tedium of the apocalypse to tend to the Governor's wounds

Law & Order: SVU

"He came, and then he went."

M.E. Warner (Tamara Tunie), explaining that the corpse in front of her had had sex shortly before dying

Sons of Anarchy

"So what, we just pretend nothing happened and I'm Mob Doctor again?!"

Newly-marginalized Tara (Maggie Siff), reacting to Gemma's (Katey Sagal) demand that she help save bullet-riddled Bobby's life

Scandal

"Other than arranging for Daniel to bump into James in a locker room, I don't know what I'm going to do."

"Yeah, I thought of the locker room, too."

Mellie (Bellamy Young) and Cyrus (Jeff Perry), wracking their brains over how to get the Second Husband to make a pass at James

The Vampire Diaries

"Dear Nadia, Sorry I had to kill your boyfriend, but it was the motherly thing to do."

Katherine (Nina Dobrev), leaving a note for her daughter

Revenge

"Did she happen to see that I made People's Sexiest Man Alive list, right behind Joel McHale?"

Nolan (Gabriel Mann), cheekily asking Jack (Nick Wechsler) what Margaux (Karine Vanasse) found when sniffing around his past

NCIS

"You got a gun, Ado Annie?"

"I left it in my surrey with a fringe on top. Don't quote Oklahoma to me."

(Oklahoma-born) NSA analyst/NCIS consultant Ellie Bishop (Emily Wickersham), firing back at DiNozzo (Michael Weatherly)

Nashville

"I had people yell 'Show me your boobs!' so much, you would've thought it was a hit damn song!"

Rayna (Connie Britton), comforting her young protégé Scarlett (Clare Bowen) after she got booed and jeered while serving as the opening act during a rowdy arena concert

Nashville (Bonus Quote!)

"You know what? I'd rather spend the rest of my life in a double-wide than spend another minute around a billionaire bitch like you."

Juliette (Hayden Panettiere), blowing off the crazy-snob wife of her radio tycoon lover

Grey's Anatomy

"It'd be like having sex with a baby seal."

Cristina (Sandra Oh), trying to envision a hook-up with Shane

The Good Wife

"So, do we have a Yoko Ono problem here?"

David Lee (Zach Grenier), talking to his law partners after spying their colleague Will (Josh Charles) openly canoodling in his office with tattooed hottie Isabel (Hannah Sorenson)

General Hospital

"You're the new D.A., you're my brand new D-A-D, could you help me?!"

Franco (Roger Howarth), making a hilariously desperate plea to obtain some assistance from his newly discovered father Scott Baldwin (Kin Shriner)

Dancing With the Stars

"And by the way ladies, just so you know, he's not wearing any pants."

Tom Bergeon, introducing sexy former pro Maks Chmerkovskiy in his debut behind the judges' table

Almost Human

"Don't scan my testicles, ever again."

"Copy that."

Kennex (Karl Urban), establishing boundaries with his android partner Dorian (Michael Ealy)

Doctor Who

"No, sir — all thirteen."

One High Council member correcting another on the total number of Time Lords available to save Gallifrey, as incoming Doctor Who Peter Capaldi (or at least his intense eyes) makes a cameo

American Horror Story: Coven

"I'm starting to understand why you're so enormous!"

"You're not exactly svelte yourself, OK?"

"I didn't mean to give offense..."

"Yeah, but you do, Miss Daisy, all the damn time."

A late-night fast food run feeds hostile-fun banter between Delphine (Kathy Bates) and Queenie (Gabourey Sidibe)

Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

"Did I fall asleep?"

"For a little while...."

Agent Coulson's (Clark Gregg) and his "Tahitian masseuse," echoing the mantra from Joss Whedon's Dollhouse

Castle

"New Zealand? Castle, are you using our honeymoon as an excuse to tour Middle Earth? I was hoping for something more romantic and less Hobbit-y."

"Why does everyone always think those two are mutually exclusive?"

Beckett (Stana Katic), sensing an agenda beneath Castle's (Nathan Fillion) honeymoon planning