Quotes Of The Week: Best Zingers From Masters Of Sex, HIMYM, Scandal, Tomorrow People & More

Modern Family

"There's no 'done' in Dunphy!"

"There's no 'fee' in Dunph..."

Phil (Ty Burrell) trying, twice, and failing, twice, to make a motto of his name

American Horror Story: Coven

"Oh, little bird, I've been buying in bulk from North Korea for years!"

Myrtle Snow (Frances Conroy), responding to Nan's (Jamie Brewer) question about how her hair grew back so quickly after being burned at the stake

Jimmy Kimmel Live

"Bodies so freaking soft. I can't wait to turn you on. You got me like la la la la la, baby. Is how you make me feel, baby. I can feel your body flowers. While I'm kissing on your thighs. You got me like la la la la, baby. Anticipation so crazy. I'll be good to you, promise. While making love to you, promise. Go to sleep. And when we wake up, I'ma hit that thing again, promise."

Benedict Cumberbatch, giving a hilariously dramatic reading of R. Kelly's "Genius"

Arrow

"Police reports show that he uses carbon arrows, but if he switched to an aluminum carbon composite, he would have far better penetration."

"Maybe he thinks he penetrates just fine?"

Barry Allen (Grant Gustin) and Felicity (Emily Bett Rickards), discussing the vigilante's... arrows

Arrow (Bonus Quote!)

"Who the hell are you? And do your parents know you're here?"

Oliver (Stephen Amell), greeting young-looking Central City "CSI" Barry Allen (Grant Gustin)

2 Broke Girls

"Show some sensitivity. I was crying because my nanny died. And also because our grief brunch was at Chipotle."

Caroline (Beth Behrs), chastising Max for being flip about news of her childhood caregiver's passing

The Good Wife

"Sometimes I think of you as mom. And sometimes I just think of you as this interesting person who lives at our house."

Zach (Graham Phillips), after learning that his mother Alicia (Julianna Margulies) has professional ties to notorious Chicago drug kingpin Lemond Bishop

Homeland

"Bite your lip, Carrie. Bite it hard!"

A gruff Saul (Mandy Patinkin), silencing Carrie's expletive-filled rant against Chief of Staff Higgins' plan to blow up Brody with a Hellfire missile

Once Upon a Time

"I'm sure you'll make a... well, a mother of some sort."

Mr. Gold (Robert Carlyle), tendering his less-than-ringing endorsement of Regina's plan to adopt

The Mindy Project

"What part of the man trap are you on? Hit him over the head with a rolling pin, pull down his pants?"

"Ha ha ha. You know I don't own any cooking stuff. Joke's on you."

Danny (Chris Messina) and Mindy (Mindy Kaling), discussing her convoluted plan to woo Cliff (Glenn Howerton) at the building's holiday party

Today

"That's some shelf!"

Al Roker, responding to co-host Jenna Bush Hager's comment that Mariah Carey's Christmas in Rockefeller Center outfit made her look like an Elf on the Shelf

How I Met Your Mother

"Barney, there is no laser tag. We're gonna have a nice dinner, some drinks and then, according to Robin, if her Aunt Edith gets drunk enough, she'll take off her wig and they'll play hockey with it."

Ted (Josh Radnor), trying to convince Barney (Neil Patrick Harris) that there is no surprise rehearsal dinner awaiting him

Scandal

"That Daniel Douglas... I got him to go deep."

James (Dan Bucatinsky), taunting Cyrus with the idea that he in fact bedded his interview subject, VP Sally Langston's husband

The Amazing Race

"You look like an angry showgirl."

Phil Keoghan, greeting Travis, poorly made up as a traditional Javanese bride

Masters of Sex

"When Khrushchev pushes the button, you can have the morning off. Until then, you're still my secretary."

Bill (Michael Sheen), shutting down Jane (Heléne Yorke), who's eschewing her normal work duties to attend to the hospital's nuclear war drill

The Tomorrow People

"As long as at the first sign of trouble..."

"We're off like a bra on prom night."

John (Luke Mitchell) and Russell (Aaron Yoo), discussing their break-in plan