Quotes Of The Week: Best Zingers From NCIS: LA, Mindy, Witches Of East End, Castle And More!

The Good Wife

"That was a long time ago. I was 25."

"Yes, and you should've slept with the husband of someone with a shorter memory."

Rachel (Mary Stuart Masterson), trying (and failing) to stop Jackie (Mary Beth Peil) from exacting political revenge for sleeping with her late husband when she served as his law clerk

The Good Wife (Bonus Quote!)

"This is a law firm, not Second City."

Diane (Christine Baranski), responding to partner Howard Lyman's argument that the firm should hire idiosyncratic, mob-connected lawyer Damian Boyle (Jason O'Mara) because "he's a funny guy"

The Mindy Project

"I know Florida from the movies... Are you a cocaine salesman or a pet detective?"

Jeremy (Ed Weeks), upon learning that Danny's baby brother (Max Minghella) is from the Sunshine State

Castle

"How long have I been gone?"

Alexis (Molly Quinn), arriving at the loft to find (exhausted!) Rick and Kate tending to an infant

American Music Awards

"There are three amazing nominees for Favorite Soul/R&B album tonight: One, a white kid from the Mickey Mouse Club. Another, the son of the dad from Growing Pains. And the other, a strong, soulful Caribbean woman of color. I don't know who will win, but I do know who should find this most ironic if she loses."

Sarah Silverman, cheekily introducing nominees Justin Timberlake, Robin Thicke and Rihanna

The Carrie Diaries

"Grunting is grunting. Just don't scream 'Ow!'"

Samantha (Lindsey Gort), advising Carrie on her plan not to tell her new boyfriend that she's a virgin

Hart of Dixie

"Grandma Sylvie is putting the 'mack' in Maccabees."

Zoe (Rachel Bilson) to boyfriend Joel (Josh Cooke), watching her uncle and his grandma's flirty behavior during a Hanukkah-themed episode

How I Met Your Mother

"As Lisa said, 'I might like the spaghetti marinara'/ Poor Ted just wondered silently, 'Mariano Rivera?'/ And as she said, 'I read this place has great chicken milano'/ All Ted could bring himself to think was, 'Alfonso Soriano'/ And as she said, 'How 'bout something hardy? How 'bout blackened miso cod?'/ 'Is it Joe Girardi? Holy crap, is it A-Rod?!'"

Ted (Josh Radnor), trying to guess which Yankee his date went out with during an all-rhyming episode

NCIS: LA

"I've never had a girl give me her knife before. Does that mean that we are official?"

"Eh, sometimes a knife is just a knife."

Deeks (Eric Christian Olsen), trying to make a "point" about his and Kensi's (Daniela Ruah) new closeness

The Voice

"It's like you swallowed an old lady or something!"

Cee Lo Green, marveling at 16-year-old Jacquie Lee's ability to deliver deeply soulful performances on songs about heartache

Person of Interest

"OK. That was kinda hot."

Shaw (Sarah Shahi), responding to a double-fisted Root's assault on many, many kneecaps

Homeland

"You know, I'm on painkillers. I can barely understand anything you're saying."

Carrie (Claire Danes), cheekily refusing from her hospital bed to answer the questions of incoming CIA chief (and regular rat bastard) Sen. Lockhart

Witches of East End

"This snake is a powerful vessel of pure evil: I think we need something a little stronger than off-the-cuff Latin commands!"

Wendy (Mädchen Amick), freaking out as her sister Joanna (Julia Ormond) brainstorms ways to remove a cursed snake figurine that's attached itself to her forearm

The X Factor

"I'm gonna present the only one: The suave, the lover, the rico... Carlito Olivero!"

Hapless mentor Paulina Rubio, introducing her other contestant, 15-year-old cutie pie Josh Levi, for his pivotal Bottom 2 results-show performance

The Walking Dead

"You'll never have to worry about whether you were doing the right thing or the wrong thing, because we will do the only thing."

The Governor (David Morrissey), recruiting a new henchman