Quotes Of The Week: Best Zingers From Revenge, The Crazy Ones, Castle, Parenthood And More!

Scandal

"I like your new boyfriend. Is he married?"

Mellie (Bellamy Young), getting her private conversation with Olivia off to a snarky start

Parenthood

"You say 'minivan,' I hear 'vagina.'"

"Well, we're going vagina shopping tomorrow, so, sorry about that."

Crosby (Dax Shepard) and Jasmine (Joy Bryant), negotiating their car-shopping options

The Crazy Ones

"Just tell me one thing — was any of it real? Was [marathoning] Bones [together] just a lie? Do you even like David Boreanaz?"

Sydney (played by Boreanaz's Buffy love interest, Sarah Michelle Gellar), confronting a backstabbing industry rival/crush

Masters of Sex

"It's like those signs you see in gift shops: You break it, you bought it."

Dr. Ethan Haas (Nicholas D'Agosto) explaining to Jane (Heléne York) the unwanted responsibility that accompanied taking Vivian Scully's (Rose McIver) virginity

The Originals

"How dare you? I don't ruin a pair of boots tracking through the bayou for [just] anyone."

Rebekah (Claire Holt), offended by pregnant Hayley's remark about being alone

The Voice

"Cole, you know that reference I made earlier, about how you guys look like you came ridin' in on your horses? If you go with Adam there's a good chance you'll be leaving here on a moped — dressed a little more metro."

Blake Shelton, trying to sway shaggy Cole Vosbury to join his team instead of Adam Levine's

NCIS

"Who knows? The Great Pumpkin, Headless Horseman, the Ghost of Halloween Past... Mike Franks? The possibilities are endless."

DiNozzo (Michael Weatherly), speculating on who pranked McGee by Saran Wrap-ping his entire desk

Once Upon a Time

"What I wouldn't give for another sleeping curse."

Regina (Lana Parrilla), reacting to Snow White and Charming enjoying an excessively smoochy reunion

Person of Interest

"Sundown, Ottawa, left, right, left, right, 1, 2, 3."

"You say the sweetest things."

Shaw (Sarah Shahi), intaking the latest coded message from Root (Amy Acker)

Castle

"You hear that, Castle? Our suspect is an ex-con — a felonious monk."

Beckett (Stana Katic), relaying the news that a holy man on their radar has some sins in his past

Revenge

"Then again, I'm just a self-made billionaire with a 170 IQ. What do I know?."

Nolan (Gabriel Mann) mocking Emily's (Emily VanCamp) refusal to take his advice

The Blacklist

"You think I murdered a KGB defector? Like I'm Bond? I'm Tom Bond and I just...between social studies and recess I go around assassinating people?!"

Tom (Ryan Eggold), upon learning that he's accused of some heinous spy crimes

The Good Wife

"I see. Not exactly 30 pieces of silver."

Alicia (Julianna Margulies), after getting her former colleague to admit that Will had offered her a partnership at Lockhart-Gardner only hours before she agreed to testify in a case against Alicia's new firm

American Horror Story: Coven

"Madison Mongtomery is a stone cold bitch who loves hard drinking, big d–ks and trouble. If she's dead, it's probably because she got wasted and offered the Grim Reaper a h–d job or something."

Queenie (Gabourey Sidibe), reflecting on the loss of her fallen classmate

Access Hollywood Live

"Sometimes you need to let someone have it! It's good to throw a little shade if you need to."

Jody Watley, giddily explaining one use of her signature fan while snapping it inches away from host Billy Bush's face

The Tomorrow People

"What kind of name is Jedikiah? Are we like part-Amish or something?"

Luca (Jacob Kogan), inquiring about his Uncle Jedikiah (Mark Pellegrino)