Quotes Of The Week: Best Zingers From Sleepy Hollow, Mom, The Originals, Scandal And More!
Sleepy-Hollow-Farewell-Yolanda
Sleepy Hollow
"Farewell, Yolanda." –Ichabod (Tom Mison) saying goodbye to the OnStar representative with whom he'd been commiserating about love
A Pee Stick and an Asian Raccoon
Mom
"You've just described every serial killer." –Bonnie (Allison Janney) after daughter Christy (Anna Faris) describes her date as "cute, kinda boyish, pretty normal really"
Scandal-Presidential-Balls
Scandal
"How presidential are my balls now, Cy?" –President Grant (Tony Goldwyn), forcing his Chief of Staff to choose between two evils
Witches-of-East-End-Super-Power-Boobs
Witches of East End
"You have only one superpower — and it's your breasts." –Ingrid (Rachel Boston), pooh-poohing Freya's (Jenna Dewan-Tatum) contention that she's psychic
Parks and Recreation- Season 6
Parks and Recreation
"Sorry for the delay. I was busy being ambushed by treachery." — Leslie Knope (Amy Poehler) to anyone within earshot, after learning that Ann is planning to leave Pawnee
The Voice - Season 5
The Voice
"Jesus look good." –self-described sinner Cee Lo Green, responding to an audition by sexy, church-raised Tamara Chauniece
Sons-of-Anarchy-Three-Hours-Younger
Sons of Anarchy
"Three hours younger." –Gemma (Katey Sagal), who was just forced at gunpoint to have sex with her imprisoned ex in front of two perverted guards, responding to a bartender's query, "What can I make ya, darlin'?"
Bones-several-orgasms
Bones
"I know I always sleep best after several orgasms." –Brennan (Emily Deschanel) to Booth (David Boreanaz), suggesting possible ways to relieve stress
Lady Killer
Person of Interest
"You look fine, Shaw. You just look... angry, all the time." –Reese (Jim Caviezel) assessing Shaw's (Sarah Shahi) undercover demeanor
House of the Rising Son
The Originals
"If we turned every man you dropped your knickers for, then human beings would cease to exist and we'd have no bloody food." –Klaus (Joseph Morgan) to Rebekah (Claire Holt), after she asked her brothers for permission to turn her boyfriend into a vampire
The Broken Code
How I Met Your Mother
"They carpet-bombed my entire room. I wish I'd closed my suitcase... and my mouth." –Ted (Josh Radnor), having allowed the wedding doves to roam free
New-Girl-Billy-Zane-Fan-Club
New Girl
Nick (Jake Johnson): After we saw the movie Titanic, [Schmidt] started the Billy Zane Fan Club. Look it up, they're called 'The Zaniacs.'
Jess (Zooey Deschanel): Why does that make me angrier than anything he's ever done?!
Glee-Untraditional-Smart
Glee
"He was smart — just, you know, in an untraditional kind of way." –Rachel (Lea Michele), talking about her late love Finn and his quote that she'd chosen — "The show must go...all over the place...or something" — for a memorial plaque in the McKinley rehearsal room
Coven-Mary-Todd-Lincoln
American Horror Story: Coven
"Well, Mary Todd Lincoln, I'll buy you a drink." –Fiona Goode (Jessica Lange) to freshly-exhumed Delphine LaLaurie (Kathy Bates)
BRADLEY WHITFORD, MALIN AKERMAN, MARCIA GAY HARDEN
Trophy Wife
"Amateur hour is over: I didn't buy her all those journals so she could express herself!" –Diane (Marcia Gay Harden), getting ready to snoop through her teenage daughter's bedroom after her ex-hubby (Bradley Whitford) botched the job the first time around