Quotes Of The Week: Best Zingers From Walking Dead, House Of Cards, The Taste, Girls & More

Almost Human

"It's my job to know about you. You're not just a badge number and a questionable haircut."

Dorian (Michael Ealy) responding to John's (Karl Urban) anger about the android always knowing where he is and what he's doing

The Bold and the Beautiful

"Not the most loyal bitch in the kennel, is she?"

Quinn (Rena Sofer), running down Brooke to their ex-lover, Bill (Don Diamont)

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

"If nothing we do matters, then all that matters is what we do."

A Russian woman using a quote from Angel to explain to correspondent Jason Jones why she was protesting her country's anti-gay legislation

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

"He was either Latino, Arab or Mexican. Either way — very Muslim."

An elderly tourist (Leslie Simms), giving Boyle (Joe Lo Truglio) and Peralta (Andy Samberg) a hilariously fuzzy description of a non-Caucasian robber

Downton Abbey

"I've been married. I know everything."

Lady Mary (Michelle Dockery), explaining to her shocked father (Hugh Bonneville) how she knows about Thomas' predilection for "handsome stewards"

Girls

"He's just so stupid that I worry that our children, like, wouldn't get into pre-school."

Shoshanna (Zosia Mamet), expressing a reservation about one of her potential boyfriends

Hart of Dixie:

"You can't be in two places at once. You're not Mrs. Doubtfire."

"I love that movie!"

Joel (Josh Cooke) unintentionally sparking Zoe (Rachel Bilson) to come up with a crazy scheme

House of Cards

"Did you think I'd forgotten you?"

After keeping the fourth-wall intact throughout the Season 2 premiere, Frank (Kevin Spacey) finally turns to the camera and addresses the audience in the closing scene

American Idol

"I was gonna say because I took a nap today."

Contestant Jena Asciutto, trying to figure out what judge Harry Connick Jr. meant when he called her "a sleeper"

Looking

"Maybe I do... and maybe I do."

Patrick (Jonathan Groff), flirtily responding to hunky boss Kevin's (Russell Tovey) assertion that he probably has a pair of "ass-less chaps" in the back of his closet

New Girl

"Is this the craziest thing that's going on in the airport, really?!"

Jess (Zooey Deschanel) haranguing a whistle-blowing cop after he ordered her to move her car from a restricted parking area

New Girl (Bonus Quote)

"Baruch atah ado-nice dress."

Schmidt (Max Greenfield) adapting a Jewish prayer to hit on Rachael (Allyn Rachel), a Hebrew school teacher, at a bar mitzvah

The Chew

"I love eating with your hands on these romantic holidays."

"Do you feel like that's a first date food, or you have to be a couple dates in before you're like, 'Yo, I have some crabs'?"

"You should never announce to a date that you have crabs. It's probably never going to get to a second date, and it's not because you were eating with your hands."

Michael Symon and Daphne Oz discussing a Valentine's Day meal spent cracking crabs

The Taste

"Marcus has given his kitchen the challenge of coming up with something exotic. In a way, I admire that, but I have to say his kitchen does look like some sort of spellmaking session at Hogwarts."

Nigella Lawson observing the chefs on Marcus Samuelsson's team

The Walking Dead

"It's for you."

A relieved Rick (Andrew Lincoln) chuckles to son Carl (Chandler Riggs) after realizing the would-be enemy on the other side of the door is actually ally Michonne

Cougar Town

"Big Tippi, you were the best thing to come out of Los Angeles — except for the fake Academy Award I got for Best Supporting Lover."

Jules (Courteney Cox), giving a eulogy for her enormous, shattered wine glass