Quotes Of The Week From Once, Arrow, Hannibal, Devious Maids, Bad Teacher, S.H.I.E.L.D. & More

Veep

"All right: Shut your mouth, and then shut the road. And if you don't like my tone, you're really not going to like Guantanamo Bay."

Sue (Sufe Bradshaw), threatening a local official as she navigates a route to help the Vice President stay on schedule

The Vampire Diaries

"Can we talk about the irony of blowing up the only place dumb enough to hire us?"

Matt (Zach Roerig) to Jeremy (Steven R. McQueen) as they initiate a plan to kill all the Travelers by blowing up their place of employment, Mystic Grill

Trophy Wife

"I'm just gong to scribble out 'Green Tea Enema,' if that's OK with you, Nurse Jackie."

Dr. Diane Buckley (Marcia Gay Harden), chiding new-age Jackie (Michaela Watkins) for altering their mutual ex-husband Pete's hospital chart

The Voice

"If I'm from Cuba, he's from the great state of Nashville!"

Shakira, referencing Usher's Season 4 gaffe about the Tennessee capital being its own state, while also letting him know that, in fact, she's from Colombia

Awkward

"This was the hottest guy I'd ever seen. He made young Leonardo DiCaprio look like old Leonardo DiCaprio."

Jenna (Ashley Rickards) swooning over her first college crush

The Originals (Bonus Quote!)

"She looks like her mother. Maybe there is a God after all."

Rebekah (Claire Holt) comments on her brother Klaus' (Joseph Morgan) baby daughter

The Originals

"I made a promise to my baby and to myself that she would not grow up like I did. That she would grow up safe and loved. And yet, here she is on the first day in this world with a grandmother that is bent on sacrificing her, and a mother that has to drink the blood of her own baby to survive transitioning into a [werewolf/vampire] hybrid."

Hayley (Phoebe Tonkin) expressing concern over her daughter's future. You know, normal problems that all new mothers face.

Suburgatory

"Poor Mommy, I know how you feel. My mouth almost hooked up with a piece of wedding cake, but luckily I pulled out at the last minute."

Dalia (Carly Chaikin), consoling her mother Dallas (Cheryl Hines)over a regrettable one-night-stand following a wedding reception

Nashville

"C'mon now, everybody deserves to be forgiven. Not Jeff, Jeff doesn't. But everyone else does."

Rayna (Connie Britton) reassuring a distraught Juliette (Hayden Panettiere) that she's not nearly as bad as their former Edgehill boss

Nashville (Bonus Quote!)

"This thing of ours, I know what I done. I broke your heart a thousand different ways, and I am sorry for that. But something changed: me. I know how to love you now. That man you always wanted me to be? I am that man. And I can be a husband now, and I can be a father. I can give you everything that we were always meant to have. Maybe I'm too late and I should just move on, but I can't. I've tried like hell, but all that ever happens is I just get better at lying to myself. I don't wanna do that anymore. You and me, right? That's how it's supposed to be. You know that. It's Maddie and Daphne and you and me."

Deacon (Charles Esten) making the case for Rayna (Connie Britton) to change her mind about marrying Luke (Will Chase) and to accept his proposal instead

Arrow

"I'm Nyssa, daughter of Ra's al Ghul. Heir to the demon."

"Felicity Smoak. MIT class of '09."

Felicity (Emily Bett Rickards) trades credentials with the lady assassin (Katrina Law) who has entered Team Arrow's secret lair

Person of Interest

"You built it.... One man is responsible for the most invasive surveillance technology in the world."

"I'm good with computers."
A modest Finch (Michael Emerson), confessing to Collier (Leslie Odom) in "court" that he is the person who built The Machine

Once Upon a Time

" What are you doing?!"

" Making sure he stays occupied. Shouldn't be difficult. You and I both know I'm his type."

Time-traveling Emma (Jennifer Morrison) rouses Hook's (Colin O'Donoghue) green-eyed monster by plunging her neckline before wooing the pirate's past self

Bad Teacher

"Kids, stay together! We're a centipede, a human centipede! That would make a great kids' book: Why did I stop writing?"

Principal Carl (David Alan Grier), unintenionally name-checking a particularly nasty horror film while chaperoning a field trip

Orphan Black

"I'm sure I've got a Ukrainian folk costume in here somewhere."

Felix (Jordan Gavaris) after Sarah (Tatiana Maslany) asks him to get Helena (Tatiana Maslany) something to wear

Devious Maids

"How soon until we go in and take off our clothes?"

"Out of respect, we should wait until his car leaves the driveway."

Evelyn (Rebecca Wisocky), delaying (ever so slightly) a sexual encounter with her bodyguard Tony (Dominic Adams), with whom she conspired to send her husband for a stay in a sanitarium

Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

"Reminds me of the old days."

"You were never on top."

May's (Ming-Na Wen) beatdown of ex-lover Ward (Brett Dalton) is verbally brutal, as well as physically

Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (Bonus Quote!)

"You remember that speech you used to give us, Nick, about how 'one man can accomplish anything once he realizes he can be something bigger'? Well, now I am."

"A part. A part of something bigger.... If you tell me this whole HYDRA path thing you took was because you misheard my damn 'one man' speech...."

Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) can only Marvel at how Garrett (Bill Paxton) misinterpreted an old pep speech

The Colbert Report

"Excuse me. [Laughs] I just wanted to make myself decent."

"That's what spies call 'the honey trap.' What is the honey trap, by the way?"

"You'll find out later."

Host Stephen Colbert and The Americans' Keri Russell making a joke out of her realization that the audience could see her bra peeking through her blouse.

Glee

"I know TV. People want antiheroes. They want chubby girls who can't keep men, and men who kill people."

TV writer Mary Halloran (Kristen Schaal), giving Rachel (Lea Michele) a pretty darn accurate summary of the current TV landscape

Hannibal

"Whenever feasible, one should always try to eat the rude."

Hannibal (Mads Mikkelsen), sharing his life philosophy

Hannibal (Bonus Quote!)

"I'm full of myself!"

Mason Verger (Michael Pitt), after comparing the taste of his own raw flesh to chicken gizzard

The Big Bang Theory

"Howie, I love you. And as your wife, your mother is every bit as much my problem as she is yours. So... I want a divorce."

Bernadette (Melissa Rauch), only half-kidding with Howard (Simon Helberg) when taking care of his mother becomes a 24/7 job

The Big Bang Theory (Bonus Quote!)

"Whatever misgivings I may have about 'Penny,' Sheldon's spoken very fondly of her — and if she is good enough for him, she is good enough for me."

"I'm your son! What about the fact that she's good enough for me?"

"Sure."

Leonard's mother (Christine Baranski), sharing her qualified endorsement of Leonard's engagement

The Wendy Williams Show

"Am I like Angela Lansbury?"

Wendy Williams, playing "detective" during an extended Hot Topics segment that attempted to dissect the reasons behind Jay Z and Solange's infamous elevator dustup