RNC Tuesday: Best And Worst Moments

In the opening minutes of C-SPAN's primetime coverage — which, unlike CNN, FNC and MSNBC, is mercifully free of talking heads — the cameras focused on House Speaker Paul Ryan and a dude in a cowboy hat, as the in-house band repeatedly belted instructions that nobody wanted to see him carry out: "Shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake your booty. At the disco. All right!"

After banging his gavel to little effect on the crowd of delegates, sighing audibly, then mumbling, "That didn't work too well," Ryan finally got the Tuesday-night proceedings underway with a reference to "Donald Day Trump" that had me double-checking with Google to see if the Republican nominee had recently changed his middle name.

We see your nifty "black sheep" tie, National Committeeman Jay Shepard, and we approve!

"I'm sure most of you are wondering: 'What are you doing here?'" joked Ultimate Fighting Championship president Dana White, freaking out 90 percent of home viewers by seizing the exact question forming in their brains.

Was this gentleman super, duper enthused about the night's "Make America Work Again" theme or merely trying to prevent his liberal family from learning his secret identity as an RNC delegate?

The National Rifle Association is "the largest and oldest civil rights organization in America," declared Chris Cox, executive director of the NRA Institute for Legislative Action. Well, alrighty then!

I know neither one is running for veep, but wouldn't it be nifty to see a debate between New Jersey governor Chris Christie and senator Elizabeth Warren (D-MA)? Christie used his moment at the podium to rattle off a laundry list of international offenses for which he deems Clinton responsible. "Is she guilty or not guilty?" he asked, at the end of every indictment. As the audience began a heated refrain of "lock her up!", Christie locked up the prize for the night's most galvanizing speech.

Low-ranked LPGA pro Natalie Gulbis scored a primetime speaking slot, but never mentioned Trump International Golf Links in Scotland?! Lady, you can forget about scoring a slot on a future season of Celebrity Apprentice!

Republican nominee Donald Trump appeared in a brief pre-taped segment promising to run on a platform of stronger borders, the elimination of ISIS, the restoration of law and order and "just so many other things." Regardless of your political leanings, we can all agree that fourth bullet point needs a little refinement, yes?

"Students of trivia will recall that last time around, I was your nominee for vice president," said Ryan, returning to the stage for the third time. Wouldn't it have been more accurate, though, to address his remarks to "anyone who can remember as far back as 2012"?

Trump's youngest adult offspring Tiffany sweetly acknowledged right off the bat that she's "a little new to the convention scene," but her speech helped humanize the Republican candidate. "Do what you love, hold nothing back and never let fear of failure get in the way," said Tiffany, breaking down the "Trump formula."

As Donald Trump Jr. launched into a scathing indictment of the U.S. education system — and argued that other countries fare better by applying free-market principles to schooling — the cameras cut to a grade-schooler completely engrossed in screen time.

Whether you have a burning desire to use it for greenscreen mischief or if you're applauding its callback to her current work as an avocado farmer, let's applaud the brilliant jade colors behind Evil Nurse Sheila (aka former Young and the Restless actress Kimberlin Brown). To be fair, the fiscally conservative businesswoman came off as far better spoken and far less stilted than Monday night actors Scott Baio and Antonio Sabato Jr., and packed a definite visual punch, to boot.