RNC Wednesday: Best And Worst Moments

"Who better to let the politicians know 'You're fired!" than Donald Trump?" asked Florida governor Rick Scott, in no way hesitant to bring up the Republican presidential nominee's recent stint as a reality-show star.

An RNC attendee made "duckface" selfies great again.

"That has to be some cruel joke," said conservative pundit Laura Ingraham, of Hillary Clinton scoring the Democratic presidential nomination. "Like skinny jeans on men or man-buns."

"A tsunami is coming! His name is Donald Trump!" declared Trump pal/casino magnate Phillip Ruffin, his metaphor sounding more of a threat than an endorsement.

Identified as a "Youngevity Marketing Vice President," Florida businesswoman Michelle Van Etten channeled Miss South Carolina's infamous meltdown at the 2007 Miss Teen USA pageant with a mathematically challenged, "Lord, help this spiraling sister!" speech that referenced her childhood dreams of being a circus performer, her 30 lb. weight loss, the fact that she was able to "retire" her husband to home-school her kids, and this almost certainly pulled-from-her-backside statistic: "Over 50 percent of millennials have an entrepreneurial spirit" — but won't be able to fulfill it because of "excessive policies and eight years of liberals."

Pastor Darrell Scott's ALL-CAPS speech sounded like it was written at the intersection of the Declaration of Independence and Rascal Flatts' "God Bless the Broken Road," but this ill-timed screengrab makes me wish he'd just stepped to the podium, shouted "Yassss!" and exited stage left.

Even if you went in to the evening unconvinced about the genuine folksiness of Scott Walker, surely your doubts melted like butter over an apple pie thanks to the white barn/white picket fence/stars and stripes image uploaded behind the Wisconsin governor. Right? Right?

Donald Trump knows that "black lives matter," "blue lives matter," "your lives matter," "veterans' lives matter," and "LGBTQ lives matter," exclaimed Eric Trump Foundation vice president Lynne Patton.

Even "just the facts" C-SPAN cut away during one of the more passionate moments of one-time Republican contender Ted Cruz's speech to focus on the arrival of the man, the myth, the nominee... Donald J. Trump. This timing could not have been coincidental, right?

Convention-goers and Trump fans may have been paraphrasing early-era Beyoncé and shouting "Say his name, say his name," but Cruz never specifically endorsed Trump, rather calling on members of the public to "vote their conscience" come November — subsequent chorus of "boos" be damned.

The in-house band may have changed the lyrics of Tim McGraw's "Truck" to honor "Trump," but the candidate and his daughter Ivanka looked especially bewildered during the line, "With a little bit of luck, I can find me a girl with a Trump!"

In the night's longest and least exciting speech, The Donald's son Eric invoked the name of Oprah Winfrey. Iyanla, fix his life!

As my wine glass careened toward "empty" and Eric droned on about how his father was running on the Bachelor-approved platform of participation "for the right reasons," I accepted the ugly truth that a refill was all but inevitable.

After Twitter blew up over Cruz's non-endorsement of Trump, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich took the stage and tried to offer a correction of sorts to audiences both inside the arena and at home. "I think you misunderstood one paragraph," Gingrich said, adding that Cruz's parting shot — "'You can vote your conscience for anyone that will uphold the constitution'" — could only be interpreted as a pro-Trump sentiment.

Regardless of your politics, it was hard not to be moved by the sight of Pence's mother Nancy getting emotionally overcome during her son's first big speech as the Republican vice-presidential candidate.

"We Hoosiers like to suit up and compete," said vice presidential hopeful Mike Pence, as he introduced himself to America. The question is, was it a three-pointer or a missed shot as Pence somewhat jokingly declared himself the "balance on the ticket" to Trump's "large personality, a colorful style and lost of charisma."

Lady, we see your beautifully bedazzled hat, and we're not mad at it!