Quotes Of The Week For Jan. 14, 2018

THE GIFTED

"I've had friends who were bipolar. Assassination plots are not one of the symptoms."

Clarice (Jamie Chung) doesn't think Lorna's past issues are cause for crashing a jet

THE FLASH

"I can't just snap my fingers and make her appear! It only happens when I'm scared or angry."

"Oh, good lord... Caitlin! The city's about to explode! Everything you know and love — the birds, the trees, the fish, the puppies... puppies are going down because you didn't want to show up for work!"

Cisco (Carlos Valdes) and Harry (Tom Cavanagh) urge Caitlin to fetch Killer Frost

THE END OF THE F***ING WORLD

"I thought you said your mom was in Japan?"

"So?"

"So, it's a bit different from being dead, isn't it?"

Alyssa (Jessica Barden) starts to uncover James' secrets

BLACK LIGHTNING

"[Extricating bullet from suit] You should at least give a brother a moment to say something heroically clever. Now you just pissed me off."

Black Lightning (Cress Williams) doesn't appreciate bullets interrupting his banter

SUPERGIRL

"You ready?"

"I just had a conversation about James Olsen's extraordinary kissing ability. This will be a Sunday picnic."

J'onn (David Harewood) really, really did not like posing as Kara this last time

ARROW

"We're getting in bed with the Bertinellis now?"

"I remember the last time you got in bed with one of the Bertinellis. It did not work out well. [Off Oliver's look] I have a long memory for these sorts of things, call me crazy."

Felicity (Emily Bett Rickards) can't forget her hubby's past couplings

THE GOOD PLACE (Bonus Quote!)

"Welcome home. Axe up!"

"Ooh, new scent! Transformers!"

"Yes, it makes you smell the way Transformers movies make you feel."

Shawn (Marc Evan Jackson) welcomes Michael (Ted Danson) back to the Bad Place with a fragrance you'd only find in Hell

THE HAVES AND THE HAVE NOTS

"I've never smelled fried bitch before."

Melissa (Antoinette Robertson), baiting Veronica while waiting for her tormentor to burn up after their car crash

GREY'S ANATOMY

"How is any of this my fault?"

"Because I haven't slept, because you penetrate me every five minutes!"

"Look, don't put this on me, OK? Every time I look at you, you... you sex-pout at me!"

"That's just my face!"

DeLuca (Giacomo Gianniotti) tries in vain not to take the blame for Sam (Jeanine Mason) being dead on her feet

GREY'S ANATOMY (Bonus Quote!)

"You are Jo Wilson. I know exactly who you are."

Meredith (Ellen Pompeo), reassuring Jo that she needn't worry about her believing Jo's abusive husband's lies

SUPERNATURAL

"Don't tell me it tastes like chicken."

"No, Sam, it's a lizard. It tastes like a lizard."

Sam (Jared Padalecki) and Dean's (Jensen Ackles) Bad Place meal is definitely not poultry

THE MAGICIANS

"Ugh, God, what a cliché."

"The baby that becomes a teenager practically overnight?"

"Right? Angel."

"Twilight."

"Buffy."

"Technically, Buffy's sister was never a baby. She just appeared out of nowhere."

Eliot (Hale Appleman) and Margo (Summer Bishil), after discovering his infant child is now magically a teen

BOB'S BURGERS

"Yes! I finally know what I want to be when I grow up — that limo!"

Gene (Eugene Mirman), more than impressed, inspired by the Belcher ladies' Valentine's Day ride

BOB'S BURGERS (Bonus Quote!)

"I feel so alive!

"Me, too! I feel like I could do anything!"

"Should we just go home and watch TV?"

"Yes."

Gene and Bob (H. Jon Benjamin), flying high after their trapeze lesson — but only to a point

GREAT NEWS

"This is a morning show... We tape at 9, so we get here at 4:30."

"4:30 a.m.? That's crazy! Well, sure, I normally get up at 3, but then I gotta watch nine hours of TV."

Carol's (Andrea Martin) new morning show gig threatens to interfere with her precious TV time

GREAT NEWS (Bonus Quote!)

"What if we printed out the news for everyone? And we could organize it into sections so you only read the stories you're interested in. But how would we deliver it to everyone in the entire world? [Gasps] Teenagers on bikes!" 

Portia (Nicole Richie) "invents" the newspaper business

WILL & GRACE

"I know that something's wrong because you're overplucking your eyebrows. You look like an extra on Orange Is the New Black."

Will's brow shaping tells Grace (Debra Messing) all she needs to know

WILL & GRACE (Bonus Quote!)

"Hi, Vanky. Listen, I just want you to know that I'm gonna win that scavenger hunt this year. And I mean actually win it, without help from the Russians."

Karen (Megan Mullally) warns scavenger hunt foe Ivanka Trump that she's got some stiff competition this year

THIS IS US

"Oh my God... should we host a podcast?"

"No. No one wants that."

Madison (Caitlin Thompson) gets a little too excited about bonding with Kate (Chrissy Metz)

RIVERDALE

"Cheryl, no one invited Fascist Barbie to the party."

Veronica (Camila Mendes) has a cute new nickname for anti-Southside crusader Cheryl Blossom

THE GOOD PLACE

"I actually dabbled in a bit of acting after university. Although mostly I just stood around while Baz Luhrmann just threw glitter on me."

Tahani (Jameela Jamil) recalls her typically glamorous days as a young thespian

TODAY

"Who are you, Megyn Kelly?"

Jane Fonda, referencing her uncomfortable interview on Megyn Kelly Today after Lily Tomlin makes a joke about her fondness for face lifts

MARVEL'S AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D.

"Hello, gorgeous."

Mack (Henry Simmons) reunites with an old friend