Quotes Of The Week For July 29, 2018
samantha-bee-les-moonves-eclipsed-quote
FULL FRONTAL WITH SAMANTHA BEE
"It's time for this Moonves — [slips on sunglasses] — to be eclipsed."
Bee tells CBS to ditch embattled CEO Leslie Moonves, CSI: Miami-style
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YOUNGER
"You know what they say: Men who grow beards are hiding something."
"Yes. Generally crumbs."
Charles' new facial hair is setting off alarm bells for Kelsey (Hilary Duff) and Diana (Miriam Shor)
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ANIMAL KINGDOM
"I wanna spend some more quality time with Deran. Him and me are really hitting it off. I mean, it goes deep, 'cause... we even got the same haircut."
"Is that so? You know, I never knew haircuts were hereditary."
Smurf (Ellen Barkin), mocking Billy (Denis Leary) for imagining he's connecting with his son
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ANIMAL KINGDOM (Bonus Quote!)
"Every family's got one... a floater. A turd that just won't flush."
Billy (Denis Leary), pretty much nailing Craig's role in the Cody clan
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CLAWS
"The hell happened to you? You're so thin."
"Thank you! I guess just a diet of cocaine and LaCroix will do that for you."
Mandy (Christina Moore) has a weight-loss secret for Desna (Niecy Nash)... that you probably shouldn't try at home
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ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK (Episode 9)
"You're comfortable here, binge-watching Younger..."
Fig is making herself right at home, and Caputo (Nick Sandow) has the DVR recordings to prove it
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ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK (Episode 12 — Bonus Quote!)
"'If you want crappy things to stop happening to you, then you have to stop accepting crap and do something more!'"
"Can you stay on script, please?"
"Um, that was Grey's Anatomy. Cristina Yang says it to Meredith."
Suzanne (Uzo Aduba) sticks to a script during her PolyCon commercial audition — just not the one provided to her by Linda (Beth Dover)
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LAST WEEK TONIGHT WITH JOHN OLIVER
"Historically, 'there are tapes' hasn't worked out well for presidents. It's one of those phrases that's universally foreboding, like, 'The virus is airborne' or, 'Ronan Farrow is working on an article about you.'"
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YELLOWSTONE
"You're the only child I have tough enough to take this advice, but you need to man up, you understand?"
John (Kevin Costner) to daughter Beth
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LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS
"According to the New York Times, Ivanka Trump, like President Trump, is said to hold grudges. Well, you know what they say: 'The apple doesn't fall far from the orange.'"
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MAKING IT
"Here comes our catchphrase for starting things off on Making It... "
"Make it!"
"It took us six weeks to think of that."
Amy Poehler and Nick Offerman, putting their crafty contestants to work for the first time
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CASUAL (Episode 3)
"What do you call it when you become a sad parody of yourself?"
"Piers Morgan?"
Valerie (Michaela Watkins) isn't sure she has the answer Laura (Tara Lynne Barr) is looking for, but it's a perfect answer nonetheless
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CASUAL (Episode 4 — Bonus Quote!)
"I'm gonna kill you. Again."
Alex (Tommy Dewey) loses patience with an hallucination of his euthanized dad
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THE $100,000 PYRAMID
"Sara, you're the biggest loser they've ever had!"
Erin Foster razzes her sister for trailing so far behind that, for the first time on the ABC revival, there needn't be a third round
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LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS (Bonus Quote!)
"Warner Bros. is developing a reboot of the sitcom ALF. It's Trump's worst nightmare: They cancelled Roseanne and replaced it with a show about an illegal alien."
killjoys no mess bitch quote
KILLJOYS
"New Lucy is a no-mess bitch."
Pree (Thomas Allison) thinks the rebooted AI is a PITA