Quotes Of The Week For Aug. 19, 2018

THE AFFAIR

"Can you please, this time, just not?"

"Not what?"

"Be a bitch."

Helen (Maura Tierney) puts bratty daughter Whitney (Julia Goldani Telles) in her place

POLITICSNATION WITH AL SHARPTON

"In the words of my late friend Aretha Franklin, show some 'R-E-S-P-I-C-T.'"

All Al Sharpton's asking for is a little, umm, respict?

INSECURE

"Don't look a gift horse in the d—k."

"That's not a saying."

"It is. My grandmother said it to me."

Kelli (Natasha Rothwell) teaches Issa (Issa Rae) — and us — a new adage

SHADES OF BLUE

"God, I love you." 

"It's always been your worst quality."

Tears flow after Woz (Ray Liotta) tells Harlee (Jennifer Lopez) that she represented his "second chance"

YOUNGER

"Don't get too excited. They found the most charmless city in Europe to host it. It's like Buffalo, with dumplings. Lovely language, German. Like a thousand cats coughing."

Diana (Miriam Shor) isn't a fan of Frankfurt, to put it mildly

LAST WEEK TONIGHT WITH JOHN OLIVER (Bonus Quote!)

"I hate to admit this, but if one of the key casualties of this trade war is E-scooters, I actually think I'm fine with that. They are basically if Dane Cook somehow became transportation."

LAST WEEK TONIGHT WITH JOHN OLIVER

"Think of trade like sex. If you're doing it right, it can be good for both partners, though the odds of that happening plummet as soon as Donald Trump gets involved."

MR. MERCEDES

"On your knees. Now!" 

"I'm not getting on my f—king knees. These are good pants!"

Bill (Brendan Gleeson) draws the line when stopped by an airstrip's rent-a-cop

WYNONNA EARP

[Michelle to Waverly] "You're my miracle baby..."

"And what better time to tell her about it than JC's birthday?"

Wynonna (Melanie Scrofano) points out the Christmastime synergy

WYNONNA EARP (Bonus Quote!)

"Nicole, a couple weeks ago I saw vampires bite Lonnie's head off. And the next night, I binge-watched an entire season of Pretty Little Liars like nothing ever happened."

Hmm, think Sheriff Nedley (Greg Lawson) is Team Haleb or Spaleb?

SALVATION

"When I first started investigating Claire's disappearance, my only lead was, well, looking into Defense Secretary Centerfold."

Alonzo (Ashley Thomas) reveals some "revealing" things about Harris

BACHELOR IN PARADISE

"It's a hard first step, you know? Like I stepped in poo. Immediately."

Jacqueline tries to describe the, uh, crappy feeling of getting turned down by Colton

SHARP OBJECTS

"Well, a word of advice: You keep your eyes open. Some drunk comes flying down this road, he'll hit you before he sees you."

"Or she. Don't be sexist, Chief."

Who knew Amma's roller skating friends would be the wisest Wind Gap residents?

TRIAL & ERROR

"What do you think I did? Went to Forge Clooney's and ordered the lemon sherbet, knowing it would be in the back of the freezer 'cause it's a sh—ty flavor? And then, when he went inside to get it, what did I do? Locked him inside, ate my free fro-yo and watched him what? Slowly freeze to death? Then I suppose I went to that snitch Sir Mickey's paddock with a bushel of fresh plant shoots dipped in what? Cyanide? Waiting for death's sweet grip to take him as I finished my second fro-yo that I was saving for when? Later? Is that what you think happened? Please. I wish my uterus was as fertile as your imagination."

Lavinia Peck-Foster (Kristin Chenoweth) spills all her secrets about the recent deaths in East Peck... even though Josh wasn't asking for them

TRIAL & ERROR (Bonus Quote!)

"My producer gave me a safer assignment. I'll call you when I land in Juárez."

Podcast host Nina (Amanda Payton) would rather investigate the cartel than whatever's going on in East Peck these days