Quotes Of The Week For Nov. 1, 2015

"I hate that phrase, 'Made love.' It's like sex went and hired a PR firm."

"I just say, 'Do sex,' like, 'Thank you for doing sex with me.'"

Liv (Rose McIver) and Ravi (Rahul Kohli) have (uncomfortable for Clive) opinions

"Right now, I have to go handle a bitch."

Annalise (Viola Davis) announces her intent to pay a visit to lightweight prosecutor Emily Sinclair (Sarah Burns) — and coins a catchphrase in the process

"Old ladies can like vadge, too."

Asher (Matt McGorry) warns his colleagues not to assume their clients' murdered aunt couldn't have been a lesbian

"Fashion designer Marc Jacobs said he is quitting the dating app Grindr after someone on the site leaked news to the New York Post that he hosted a 10-person orgy this weekend. Though it sounds like Jacobs isn't quitting Grindr so much as he's just completed Grindr.... He won Grindr."

"I'm watching this incredibly powerful documentary on mass executions in Indonesia. Oh, and The Good Wife."

Even when she's assuming an undercover personality, Alex (Priyanka Chopra) isn't going to miss out on what Alicia Florrick is up to

"Suddenly there's a palace guard wearing a pantsuit and cheap shoes!"

Jackie (Mary Beth Peil) takes a dim view of son Peter's new campaign manager

"I'm Miss Piggy, Kermit's girlfriend."

"Pigs don't date. Pigs feed a crowd at a reasonable price."

Jessica (Constance Wu) doesn't understand Honey's (Chelsey Crisp) Halloween costume

"Did you get that last part from Field of Dreams?"

"Greatest Halloween movie ever."

"That movie's about baseball."

"GHOST baseball players."

Evan (Ian Chen) questions his dad's choice of inspirational speech when trying to get the neighborhood to decorate for Halloween

"I know who you are — Jazz Gumby."

Evan (Ian Chen) misidentifies his little pal's Mask costume

"I'm sorry: Was my son dressed as a trash can? That is the only excuse you could have for giving him one of those things... Is this a treat or a punishment in the British Navy?"

Colbert comes down hard on the merits of Bit-O-Honey as a Halloween candy

"I can't wrap my head around you possibly going with Sinead O'Connor down there."

Blake Shelton refuses to believe songbird Amy Vachal will choose newly bald Adam Levine as her coach

"I've had Thea procure a couple kilos of cocaine–"

"Your mayoral campaign's off to a fantastic start."

Quentin (Paul Blackthorne) thinks Oliver (Stephen Amell) will make a dope mayor

"Oh! That is potent. I believe Franklin once gave me a similar concoction."

"Benjamin Franklin invented Sex on the Beach?"

"He called it Fondled in the Forest, but...."

Ichabod Crane (Tom Mison) reveals a Founding Father to be quite a mixologist

"This is astonishing...."

"And yet just this morning it was 'questionable.'"

Even in the dark of a tomb, Ichabod (Tom Mison) can find some shade to throw skeptical Brennan's way

"Selena, Demi, Emma Stone! I heard she can play any race!"

Rogelio (Jaime Camil) discusses younger options to play his love interest on The Passions of Santos

"Besides fatty foods, there is nothing people love more than a hero."

Kara's boss Cat Grant (Calista Flockhart) sums up National City's appetite

"I'll tell you all about it at our next crimefighting lunch hour."

"Wait, so, the superfriends are back?"

"We're not calling ourselves that."

Kara (Melissa Benoist) shoots down Winn's stab at a super nickname

"Are we just going to make a Tinder app for potential metahumans...? 'Cause I'm pretty sure merging with Stein and randomly bursting into flames sounds like the biggest 'Swipe Left' of all time."

Cisco (Carlos Valdes) wonders how Caitlin plans to fire up a new Firestorm half

"It always comes down to who's got the longer core."

Elizabeth (Téa Leoni) wryly responds to the news that one goal of a Chinese space mission is to extract a slightly longer ice core sample than the United States did

HAWAII FIVE-0

"Good Grief, he must have killed the maid, too."

[No reaction from McGarrett]

"Nobody gets cop humor here."

Grover (Chi McBride) can't scare up even a chuckle

"I'm mostly confused. I'm not sure how orange correlates with black in a way that's new."

Castiel (Misha Collins) has just discovered Netflix

"Goodnight, jerk."

"Goodnight, bitch."

Aww, it feels like old times between Sam (Jared Padalecki) and Dean (Jensen Ackles)

"What about New Adventures of Old Christine, bitch?"

Billy Eichner is outraged when "bro" Jason Sudeikis refers to Julia Louis-Dreyfus as "the Dave Grohl of TV" because she had two hit projects, Seinfeld and Veep

"You want to pay me to break up with him? What are you, the dad in a Nicholas Sparks movie?"

Whitney (Cristin Milioti) is amused by Jody's (Garret Dillahunt) attempt to end her relationship with Jeremy (Ed Weeks)

"Wow. If I'm the one on the moral high ground, you've fallen quite a ways, Miss Swan."

Regina (Lana Parrilla) deflects Dark Emma's deflection of blame for Henry's romantic woes

"If it's dating tips you need, lad, I know my way around women..."

"Over your dead body!"

Regina (Lana Parrilla) isn't about to let a pirate get his hooks into Henry's love life

"Thank you."

Nicholas (Michael Traynor), just before wasting the second chance that Glenn gave him by committing suicide