Quotes Of The Week For June 10, 2018

LAST WEEK TONIGHT WITH JOHN OLIVER

"Whether or not someone else did something sh—y has no bearing over whether you did something sh—y. If that were true, every movie that got a bad review could say, 'What about From Justin to Kelly?' And the critic would be legally required to give their movie five stars."

THE 72ND ANNUAL TONY AWARDS

"All four of tonight's Best Musical nominees are based on movies. But only one of these movies paid for my boat."

Tina Fey gives a delightful introduction to a performance by the company of Mean Girls

GHOSTED

"It's good to be back, Mulder."

"I don't know the show."

Max (Adam Scott) didn't bother catching up on The X-Files during the Bureau Underground's unofficial work hiatus

MARLON

"Girl, what're you trying to do? Land a man, or win the popular vote?"

Marlon (Marlon Wayans) has Ashley second-guessing that Hillary Clinton getup pantsuit

POSE

"I felt the wind on my face my whole life, which means I know when it's at my back."

Blanca (Mj Rodriguez), explaining to her "children" how she knows the crowd will be in her corner if she challenges Elektra

LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS

"President Trump showed North Korean leader Kim Jong-un a four-minute video on an iPad during their meeting. Said Trump when it was over, 'Yeah, that Stormy Daniels.'"

YOUNGER

"I've got to be a duck — calm on the surface but paddling like hell underneath."

"At least you don't have a corkscrew dick."

"...What?"

"Have you never seen a duck dick?!"

Only Zane (Charles Michael Davis) and Kelsey (Hilary Duff) could pivot so quickly from discussing work to discussing... well, this

FEAR THE WALKING DEAD

"No one's gone until they're gone."

Parting words from Madison (Kim Dickens)... or a hint that she survived the midseason finale?

THE RANCH

"I kept thinking about all the little things we... fight about. I mean, so what if you watched the finale of Riverdale without me? That does not make you a little bitch."

Abby (Elisha Cuthbert) learns to stop sweating the small stuff in Episode 6

THE RANCH (Bonus Quote!)

"What do you want me to say? That I forgive you? ... Not every relationship should be fixed. I mean, it's like Taylor Swift and... anybody!"

Maggie (Debra Winger) explains to her estranged sister that she can't just, um, shake off hurt feelings in Episode 7

BROCKMIRE

"Scurvy, huh? Is that why my teeth are getting loose? I was just hoping my gums were getting more flexible. Well, I always have referred to orange juice as a glass of vodka wasted, so, uh, I guess scurvy makes sense."

Jim (Hank Azaria) comes to terms with one of his many ailments

REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER

"Kim Kardashian's not taking his calls, so how's he supposed to get a pardon?"

Maher — referencing President Trump's recent, Kardashian-influenced pardon of Alice Johnson — poses a question on behalf of newly jailed ex-Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort

SUCCESSION

"He did not fire me. He said it was just going to take a little longer."

"But he said that to be nice. What I think he meant to say was that he wished that Mom gave birth to a can opener, because at least then it would be useful."

Roman (Kieran Culkin), translating for Kendall (Jeremy Strong) their father's words

SUCCESSION (Bonus Quote!)

"I'm not saying I would make a better CEO. That's unsaid... "

"It's not unsaid when you say it."

"No, I'm saying I'm not saying it, so in fact, it is unsaid."

Connor (Alan Ruck), absolutely not stating the obvious to Kendall (Jeremy Strong)

SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE

"Will [you] be auditioning today? Unfortunately, you're a little too old now, aren't you?"

"You and I both, Nigel. You and I both."

Nigel Lythgoe might need some aloe for that burn, courtesy of Season 2 champ Benji Schwimmer, who returned to help dance partner Nicole Clonch with her audition

REVERIE

"Hey, guys — I need a can of gasoline and a lighter."

Mara (Sarah Shahi) is getting the hang of this reverie thing!