Quotes Of The Week For Aug. 12, 2018
shades-of-blue-hit-my-car-quote
SHADES OF BLUE
"You hit my car!"
Wozniak (Ray Liotta) scolds Enrique for, um, getting in the way of his fender
power-got-you-off-quote
POWER
"I know you're not trying to come at me about adultery. And just so you know, it didn't happen until after he got you off. "
"And then he got you off."
Tasha (Naturi Naughton) and Ghost (Omari Hardwick) argue about the particulars of her affair with Terry... who also happens to be Ghost's former lawyer
better-call-saul-pee-in-coffee-pot-quote
BETTER CALL SAUL
"No due diligence? No background check? Just hire the guy that says them fancy words? I could be a serial killer! I could be a guy who pees in your coffee pot! I could be both!"
Jimmy (Bob Odenkirk) explains why his prospective new bosses should not hire someone immediately after a dazzling job interview
younger-a-lot-too-much-quote
YOUNGER
"I'm sorry, Diana. Ma shouldn't have said anything. She can be... a lot."
"No, your brother's cologne was a lot. Your mother was too much."
It was only a matter of time before Enzo's (Chris Tardio) mother messed things up for him and Diana (Miriam Shor)
insecure-capri-sun-party-lyft-quote
INSECURE
"Yes! A Capri Sun! You know my heart!"
"Oh, no, no, no, girl. Those are for passengers only. Party Lyft! Party Lyft..."
"This party sucks."
Molly (Yvonne Orji), discovering that riding shotgun while Issa (Issa Rae) drives her Party Lyft isn't all it's cracked up to be
animal-kingdom-can-I-have-hug-quote
ANIMAL KINGDOM
"Can I have a hug?"
Pope (Shawn Hatosy), just before leaving Lena with her foster parents to protect her from his mother
the-affair-alison-dies-final-scene-monologue
THE AFFAIR
"I have been in pain my entire life. And maybe that's what makes people think that I'm weak. And maybe that makes people treat me like some sort of receptacle for all their grief and rage and disappointment, but I am f—king sick of it. I just want to live a different life. I want to live a different story. I'm still young. I can be someone else. Someone who deserves love. Someone who can be happy."
Alison (Ruth Wilson) lets go of her pain and accepts her fate
the-daily-show-trevor-noah-apple-car-quote
THE DAILY SHOW WITH TREVOR NOAH
"Like with all Apple products, I'm sure people will love this car until it starts raining, the car stops working and you have to put it in rice. It's a whole thing."
the-daily-show-subscription-culture-quote
THE DAILY SHOW WITH TREVOR NOAH (Bonus Quote!)
"We're millennials, man. It's all about subscription culture. You pay a small fee, and in exchange, you get everything: Unlimited streaming from Netflix and Spotify, unlimited shipping from Amazon Prime, unlimited STDs from Tinder... It's how we live life!"
seth-meyers-mike-pence-mayo-quote
LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS
"President Trump had lunch with Mike Pence today. He didn't mean to, he just asked the waiter for a side of mayo and they brought Pence over."
jimmy-kimmel-trump-omarosa-lord-voldemort-quote
JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE
"All hell is breaking loose in Washington, as the battle between President Trump and his former advisor/Apprentice contestant Omarosa rages on. I'm not sure who I'm supposed to root for in this. It's like Lord Voldemort vs. King Joffrey."
100000-pyramid-bin-laden-quote
THE $100,000 PYRAMID
"Bin Laden."
Contestant Evan Kaufman makes an embarrassing gaffe when presented with the final-round category of "People Whose Last Name Is Obama" — but he can explain!
bachelor-in-paradise-mister-rogers-quote
BACHELOR IN PARADISE
"He's like the opposite of Mister Rogers. Like, I don't want to be your neighbor, dude."
Jordan is less than thrilled when longtime nemesis David crashes his quality time with Jenna
big-brother-brett-looking-at-stuff-quote
BIG BROTHER
"I don't understand. This is my comp! I'm really good at lookin' at stuff. I look at chicks lookin' at me all the time, and I say, 'Hey, I see that chick lookin' at me!'"
Gee, with a strategy like that, how did Brett manage to lose the hacker competition?
stephen-colbert-white-supremacists-cabinet-meeting
THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT
"Speaking of Trump fans, yesterday Washington, D.C. was bracing for a white nationalist rally... And the alt-right came out in numbers, specifically the numbers between 20 to 25. Huh. Usually, when a couple dozen white supremacists gather in Washington, D.C., it's just a Cabinet meeting."
elementary-horny-alexa-quote
ELEMENTARY
"It's like a horny Alexa."
Joan (Lucy Liu), after she and Sherlock interrogate a talking sex doll
world-of-dance-apples-oranges-quote
WORLD OF DANCE
"This is truly apples and oranges, but like the best possible apples and the best possible oranges."
Ne-Yo struggles to compare a super-emotional pair and a super-fun trio